Latest Articles: All is Vanity
If You're Drowning, Pray for a Newfoundland
Post Date: 2011-06-02 11:27:29 by Turtle
4 Comments
Poster Comment:It'd be a better world if Turtle ran everything.
World fails to end on cue.
Post Date: 2011-05-21 23:37:55 by Armadillo
3 Comments
OAKLAND, Calif. – They spent months warning the world of the apocalypse, some giving away earthly belongings or draining their savings accounts. And so they waited, vigilantly, on Saturday for the appointed hour to arrive. When 6 p.m. came and went across the United States and various spots around the globe, and no extraordinary cataclysm occurred, some believers expressed confusion, while others reassured each of their faith. Still, some others took it in stride. ... "I can't tell you what I feel right now," he said, surrounded by tourists. "Obviously, I haven't understood it correctly because we're still here." Click for Full Text!
Poster ...
Why We Should All Be Concerned.
Post Date: 2011-05-02 18:07:01 by TommyTheMadArtist
17 Comments
The news last night was that Obama's crew got Bin Laden. Today I read the news, and the first thing I saw, was "The Obama Bounce". This was a little blurb saying that since Obama got OBL, that he's a guaranteed 2 term president. Regardless of whether or not this is true, or whether or not Osama has been killed, we are still living under the potential economic collapse that is imminent. I did not see a dramatic drop in oil prices did you? In fact, what I read, was that the muslim world is angered that he was killed, and that there would be a horrific retribution inflicted on America. So, we now have a guarantee of a false flag event staged in the United States sometime ...
WTF??? BIN LADEN DEAD ON MAY DAY???
Post Date: 2011-05-02 00:44:30 by TommyTheMadArtist
8 Comments
So, I come upstairs and the wife tells me that Osama Bin Douchebag is dead. She saw it 20 minutes ago online. I check to see if the story is legit, and so far, it seems it is. Now, a few things come to mind when I heard this. The first is Tora Bora. Back then, we were told nobody got out of there alive, and if Binny was able to, his ass was likely to be dying shortly after, because it was destroyed. The second thing, is the fucker was on Dialysis. The prick had a kidney problem, or a lack of kidneys. You think Steve Jobs, an American has that kind of longevity ahead of him? Oh hell no. I have a hell of a time believing that this guy survived all that time in Pakistan, In a Mansion, ...
A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words
Post Date: 2011-04-28 13:13:45 by Turtle
6 Comments
Uncle beats nephew over Facebook
Post Date: 2011-04-25 08:33:19 by TooConservative
11 Comments
BLEACHING HAIR CAUSES BRAIN DAMAGE
Post Date: 2011-04-21 12:18:44 by sizzlerguy
4 Comments
According to Dr. Martin Pratt of Brandine University, and Dr. Benjamin Staines of the Center for the Institute of Studies, hair bleaching causes brain damage. Hydrogen peroxide, the key ingredient, will seep into the skull, and kill brain cells. "We have all heard the jokes about dumb blonds, and I wondered if they were really all dizzy," said Dr. Pratt. "I decided to do a scientific study. I met many blonds who matched the stereotype, and other blonds who clearly did not. It was not long before I noticed an uncanny pattern. Natural blonds were not dumb or dizzy at all. Many of them were highly intelligent, coordinated, and sensible. Bleach blonds demonstrated negative ...
Atlas Shrugged
Post Date: 2011-04-18 18:12:43 by Turtle
1 Comments
Haven't seen it, probably won't, but I refer to the novel as the Talmud Lite for Naive Goyim. Worse than worthless -- dangerous for the innocent.
What’s Behind the Multicultural Freak Show
Post Date: 2011-04-16 16:05:49 by Turtle
1 Comments
Western man towers over the rest of the world in ways so large as to be almost inexpressible. It’s Western exploration, science, and conquest that have reveled the world to itself. Other races feel like subjects of western power long after colonialism, imperialism and slavery have disappeared. The charge of racism puzzles whites who feel not hostility, but only baffled good will, because they don’t grasp what it really means: humiliation. The white man presents an image of superiority even when he isn’t conscious of it. Superiority excites envy. Destroying white civilization is the inmost desire of the league of designated victims we call “minorities. -Joseph Sobran, ...
Muslim Inbreeding
Post Date: 2011-04-16 13:53:37 by Turtle
9 Comments
Nicolai Sennels is a Danish psychologist who has done yeoman work on Muslim immigrants. An article August of last year details the consequences of Muslim inbreeding (“Muslim Inbreeding: Impacts on intelligence, sanity, health and society.“) Sennels cites data showing that on average around 50% of marriages in the Muslim world are consanguineous, with predictable effects of low intelligence and mental and physical disorders. Consanguineous marriage is lower among immigrants to the West than in the immigrant-sending countries–e.g., 55% among Pakistani immigrants to Britain versus 70% in Pakistan. The consequences to Western societies are obvious: Expenses related to mentally ...
Seven Ideas You Can Never Discuss on Television
Post Date: 2011-04-15 14:19:31 by Turtle
9 Comments
In 1972 comedian George Carlin famously delineated the “Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television.” All seven words dealt with bodily parts or functions at a time when such things were simply not mentioned in polite company. If anything, Carlin was understating the case—back then, I don’t remember anyone on TV even suggesting that nipples existed, much less coming out and saying “tits.” In the intervening decades, society has not only shed such taboos, it has actively embraced vulgarity. At least on cable TV, one is now allowed—in some cases encouraged—to not only say all seven of those words, but to use them in a single sentence while ...
Humiliation, Revenge and Murder
Post Date: 2011-04-14 11:49:09 by Turtle
8 Comments
“The infernal serpent; it was he whose guile/Stirred up with envy and revenge/Deceived the mother of mankind…” – Paradise Lost All human evil in the world is explained by the myth of Adam and Eve and their sons Cain and Abel – the archetypical dysfunctional family. I consider it the most important story in Western culture. Since it’s Biblical in origin, even though it’s as much mythology as the Iliad and the Odyssey, you’ll never see it taught in public schools. While the story of the Garden of Eden is not literally true, it is part of the oral tradition of mythology – a story, refined through hundreds if not thousands of years, that ...
Turtle Watches Man Hurl Himself on Forehead
Post Date: 2011-04-13 13:52:05 by Turtle
3 Comments
I occasionally work at a nursing home a few days a month. I was in the dining room alone with a late-stage Alzheimer's patient in a total vegetative state who I watched jackknife out of his wheelchair and land on his left eyebrow, splitting it to the bone. He didn't make a sound. He's in the hospital now, in quite bad shape. The law prevents us from restraining these people. Thirty years ago there were two million people with Alzheimer's. Now there's 20 million. The money spent on these people through Medicare is just astronomincal and gets worse every day.
Born to run: Maxine turns 16!
Post Date: 2011-04-13 13:11:29 by Artisan
10 Comments
Our beloved dog Maxine turned sixteen. She is a great dog & is still amazingly going strong. For a ~50lb dog that is quite the old age. She is 1/2 Samoyed & half lab mutt.She had a bath & was so happy. I hope i move like that at an equivalent 100+ years!
Poster Comment:see video below.
The Easiest Way to Tell a Lett-Libertarian from a Right-Libertarian
Post Date: 2011-04-07 14:09:26 by Turtle
3 Comments
A right-libertarian knows that Martin Luther King was a woman-beating, adulterous, plagarizaing Commie sleazebag, and left-libertarians don't.
Turtle’s Free Guide to Creating Serial Killers, Mass Murderers, Rapists and Abusers
Post Date: 2011-04-07 10:43:36 by Turtle
9 Comments
First, start with a boy, because males are the ones who are really responsible for the truly awful violence the world. Then, from the day he is born, physically and emotionally abuse him. Especially have his mother and other females do it. The men can also engage in it or not protect him. Continue it throughout his childhood. Emotionally and physically abuse and humiliate him. A lot. Do it though middle school. The kids there, especially the girls, can ignore and humiliate him. Continue it through high school and until he graduates. Then, make sure there are no good jobs available to pay a middle-class wage. Impoverish them. Make sure there is no place to turn unless it’s ...
The Worst Problem in the World
Post Date: 2011-04-05 18:44:20 by Turtle
4 Comments
After thinking about this for several years, I have concluded brutally humiliating people is the worst problem in the world. It is, however, the reverse side of the coin. On the other side is hubris—arrogance, moral blindness, wanton violence. Hubris always leads to humiliating people. And I do mean always. Then it's followed by revenge. This observation is not new with me; it's why the ancient Greeks said the Hubris is fated to be followed by Nemesis—vengeance. It's also the story of Cain and Abel, the Iliad, the Odyssey, Moby-Dick, The Count of Monte Cristo, Stephen King's Carrie, John D. McDonald's The Green Ripper, and Alfred Bester's The Stars my ...
what is the fascination about posts having the name "TURTLE" in them? Is there a mental problem associated with this syndrome?
Post Date: 2011-04-05 11:44:44 by Itistoolate
20 Comments
Armadillo touches a woman.
Post Date: 2011-04-04 00:04:17 by Armadillo
34 Comments
This story involves a lesbian sending mixed signals, an incomprehensible deity, Match.com, a turd in a pool, and a hot tub. It ends with a nice lady named Donna. For some time I've had a crush on my lesbian coworker. Unable to reconcile my feelings, and her mixed signals, I turned to God. At first I thought God would help me get over her, then I thought He wanted us together, now I have no idea. I'm starting to think maybe God doesn't give a crap what I do or don't do regarding my coworker. So I got tired of second guessing myself, second guessing God, and the lesbians mixed signals, and joined Match.com in hopes of finding a woman. I have had a few nibbles at my profile, ...
A Shot to the Gonads
Post Date: 2011-04-01 15:41:23 by Turtle
4 Comments
My four-year-old nephew, not knowing what he was doing, punched me in the left one, laughed, then whacked me in the right one. I instinctively slapped me three times about the top of his head, mostly ruffling his hair. He burst into tears and explained, "That wasn't fair! I hit you TWO times and you hit me THREE times!" Kids are way too literal sometimes.
Turtle Says: BWAHAHAHA!!!
Post Date: 2011-03-29 16:21:53 by Turtle
8 Comments
"I have found female-dominated workplaces to be unfocused and ill-managed, consumed by office politics, less competitive and less ambitious, and I have found male-dominated workplaces to be more focused and better-managed, less consumed by office politics, more competitive and more ambitious."
Poster Comment:A woman wrote this! BWAHAHA!!! It's exactly what I've noticed, and why I will never again work in a place with a lot of women, or where there are a lot of them in management. The men have to carry them.
How to Deal with Lunatic Mass Murderers
Post Date: 2011-03-26 11:00:04 by Turtle
15 Comments
School Shooter: BLAM! BLAM ! BLAM! Student: Ohmigod! There's a school shooter outside the door! He's going to break in and shoot all of us! Armed Student: Ain't gonna happen. (Whips out .45 semi-automatic pistol) Liberal Nitwit Student: Hey! It's illegal to carry a handgun! I'm calling the police! Armed Student: Go ahead. The one hundredth call isn't going to make them show up any faster. Female Student: Shut up, you liberal moron or I'll punch you! Liberal Nitwit: Okay. Armed Student (jumping behind door): Don't anyone look at me so he won't know I'm here. School shooter (crashing through door): Ha ha! Everyone up against the wall so I can ...
Turtle’s Encounters with Some Vampires! [Full Thread]
Post Date: 2011-03-23 11:03:56 by Turtle
68 Comments
While there does exist the occasional psycho lunatic who really does drink people’s blood, these people are so rare it’d take several lifetimes to meet one, unless you go out of your way by becoming an FBI profiler. What are much more common are what I’ve heard described as “emotional vampires,” and I’ve met several of these. They’re known as Personality or Character Disorders, and fall under various headings such as Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Personality Disorder. They all have certain traits in common. The main one is: it’s always someone else’s fault. It’s never their fault. This trait has been noticed for ...
We're Here to Liberate You!
Post Date: 2011-03-22 14:33:40 by Turtle
1 Comments
tom 007, It was a tough day today
Post Date: 2011-03-21 20:01:40 by tom007
5 Comments
>Jeez, another tough day on the Costaallerga. Got up early, about nine I guess, fried up some great bacon and Sue brewed up some Veraquez coffee we bot the nite before, and we went for a walk along the bay for a few miles to Barra de Navedid, where Hernando Cortez´z navigator, in 1541 or so built three gallons and sailed thousands of miles to the Phillipenes Islands (sic). Bot a few Estrallas for a buck each at noon, ate some street tacos and watched the boats sail out from the bay in the near perfect climate, may have been a little too hot though, as we both got another beer and Sue had a frozen coffee drink. As we walked through the town we came across a strange little brushy ...
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