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Title: Rapture Pet Insurance
Source: Eternal Earth-Bounds Pets
URL Source: [None]
Published: Sep 14, 2010
Author: Unknown
Post Date: 2010-09-14 11:59:51 by Turtle
Keywords: None
Views: 1087
Comments: 50

Effective Sept. 2010: NOW SERVICING ALABAMA and OHIO
You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.
We are currently active in 24 states. Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet's natural life.
We currently cover the following states: Maine,New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Michigan, Arkansas, Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky, Colorado, Oklahoma, Kansas, Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Montana, North Carolina, Georgia, Alabama and Ohio.
Our service is plain and simple; our fee structure is reasonable. For $110.00 we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved. Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $15.00 fee. A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of your four legged and feathered friends.
Unfortunately at this time we are not equipped to accommodate all species and must limit our services to dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, and small caged mammals. [Please note: we can now offer rescue services for horses, camels, llamas and donkeys in NH,VT, ID and MT ]
Thank you for your interest in Eternal Earth-Bound Pets. We hope we can help provide you with peace of mind.
Please visit our FAQS page
{Note: A portion of income generated from advertising on this site is contributed to community food shelves / food banks in Minnesota and New Hampshire}
Poster Comment:
I hope none of those disgusting non-Christians, when they get raptured straight to Hell (which is where they are all going) have any pugs I have to save.
Don't much care about chihuahaus and other yappy little dogs.
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#1. To: All (#0) (Edited)

"I didn't get Raptured! Save me from death by thirst and starvation!"
"Society is, always has been and always will be a structure for the exploitation and oppression of the majority through systems of political force dictated by an élite, enforced by thugs, uniformed or not, and upheld by a willful ignorance and stupidity on the part of the very majority whom the system oppresses." -- Richard K. Morgan
Turtle posted on 2010-09-14 12:03:41 ET (1 image) Reply Trace Private Reply
#2. To: Flintlock (#0)
wonder if they are looking for field agents
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gengis gandhi posted on 2010-09-14 12:20:38 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#3. To: Turtle (#1)
"I didn't get Raptured! Save me from death by thirst and starvation!"

Aren't all dogs supposed to go to Heaven?
Democrats don't mind war as long as they can have big government. Republicans don't mind big government as long as they can have war.
PnbC posted on 2010-09-14 12:35:47 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#4. To: Turtle (#0)
Oh this is a cute racket. I wonder if/how much money they pull in.

Shoonra posted on 2010-09-14 12:41:26 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#5. To: Turtle (#0)
I'm jealous I didn't think of this con game first.

Ferret posted on 2010-09-14 12:44:09 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#6. To: Ferret (#5)
I'm jealous I didn't think of this con game first.

At least the right people are getting conned, for once.

JRiggs posted on 2010-09-14 13:04:07 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#7. To: JRiggs (#6)
"At least the right people are getting conned, for once."

No argument there.
A fool and his money...

Ferret posted on 2010-09-14 13:10:11 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#8. To: Ferret (#5)
I'm jealous I didn't think of this con game first.

I wouldn't call it a Con game.
Rather it is W.C. Fields/Menckenesque: "Never give a sucker an even break."
"One of the least understood strategies of the world revolution now moving rapidly toward its goal is the use of mind control as a major means of obtaining the consent of the people who will be subjects of the New World Order." K.M. Heaton, The National Educator
Original_Intent posted on 2010-09-14 13:19:59 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#9. To: wudidiz, All (#8)
Oh! And Canada Bill Jones' Motto:

"It is morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money."

"One of the least understood strategies of the world revolution now moving rapidly toward its goal is the use of mind control as a major means of obtaining the consent of the people who will be subjects of the New World Order." K.M. Heaton, The National Educator
Original_Intent posted on 2010-09-14 13:21:36 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#10. To: Turtle (#0)
I hope none of those disgusting non-Christians, when they get raptured straight to Hell (which is where they are all going) have any pugs I have to save

The great thing is that if you're Left Behind (tm), you're going to hell anyway, so you're under no obligation to Do Good (tm) any longer. So hey, little smushed face pug doesn't get taken care of. Heck, don't take care of any of them, what's going to happen, you get sent to Double Top Secret Hell? heh.
"The more artificial taboos and restrictions there are in the world, the more the people are impoverished.... The more that laws and regulations are given prominence, the more thieves and robbers there will be." - Lao Tzu, 6th century BC
SonOfLiberty posted on 2010-09-14 13:23:46 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#11. To: Original_Intent (#8)
Rather it is W.C. Fields/Menckenesque: "Never give a sucker an even break."

Quite true. Perhaps though there is opportunity yet untapped. Why, I'm sure some of these nice folks would want insurance to protect the health and welfare of their imaginary friends when they blast off.

Ferret posted on 2010-09-14 13:27:45 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#12. To: SonOfLiberty (#10) (Edited)
The great thing is that if you're Left Behind (tm), you're going to hell anyway, so you're under no obligation to Do Good (tm) any longer.

If there is a Hell, I think down there will also be Christians with their own type of makeshift churches, preaching the Bible because it's what they're used to doing.
Democrats don't mind war as long as they can have big government. Republicans don't mind big government as long as they can have war.
PnbC posted on 2010-09-14 13:30:38 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#13. To: Original_Intent (#8)

I wonder if A K A Stone's pet is covered too.

Ferret posted on 2010-09-14 13:35:49 ET (1 image) Reply Trace Private Reply
#14. To: Ferret (#11)
Makes me think of Jimmy Stewart's pet rabbit. ;-)
"One of the least understood strategies of the world revolution now moving rapidly toward its goal is the use of mind control as a major means of obtaining the consent of the people who will be subjects of the New World Order." K.M. Heaton, The National Educator
Original_Intent posted on 2010-09-14 13:36:36 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#15. To: Ferret, A K A Stone, all (#13)
I wonder if A K A Stone's pet is covered too.

I think the only decent thing to do is alert him.
"One of the least understood strategies of the world revolution now moving rapidly toward its goal is the use of mind control as a major means of obtaining the consent of the people who will be subjects of the New World Order." K.M. Heaton, The National Educator
Original_Intent posted on 2010-09-14 13:37:42 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#16. To: Original_Intent (#14)
"Makes me think of Jimmy Stewart's pet rabbit."

That makes sense. Some bunnies give me rapture just looking at them.
Here is a young Debbie Harry.

Ferret posted on 2010-09-14 13:54:18 ET (1 image) Reply Trace Private Reply
#17. To: gengis gandhi (#2)
wonder if they are looking for field agents

As long as you're willing to ~~kickback 25%~~ tithe, positions are open.
WWGPD? - (What Would General Pinochet Do?)
Flintlock posted on 2010-09-14 13:54:21 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#18. To: Ferret (#16)
Looks like a cute and cuddly "bunny" to me. ;-)
Although I like her picture on the debut Album cover for "Blondie". She looks like such a hard bitch. I like strong women.
"One of the least understood strategies of the world revolution now moving rapidly toward its goal is the use of mind control as a major means of obtaining the consent of the people who will be subjects of the New World Order." K.M. Heaton, The National Educator
Original_Intent posted on 2010-09-14 13:56:59 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#19. To: Flintlock (#17)
all my currency is the demoninations of dead cats, if thats okay.
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gengis gandhi posted on 2010-09-14 14:01:16 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#20. To: Ferret (#13)
To: Original_Intent

I wonder if A K A Stone's pet is covered too.

A Stone with a pet stone? Wouldn't a pet grub be more appropriate? Or if he is feeling especially defensive a scorpion or centipede? They all like to take residence under rocks.
Democrats don't mind war as long as they can have big government. Republicans don't mind big government as long as they can have war.
PnbC posted on 2010-09-14 14:05:03 ET (1 image) Reply Trace Private Reply
#21. To: Original_Intent (#18)
Although I like her picture on the debut Album cover for "Blondie"

Did you ever see her Hustler spread? Mind you, I only occasionally bought it for the articles.
Larry Flynt got ahold of some of Debbie's pre-blondie (in more ways than one) "modeling" pics and commented: "It looks like she's giving birth to a Poodle"
WWGPD? - (What Would General Pinochet Do?)
Flintlock posted on 2010-09-14 14:34:59 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#22. To: Original_Intent (#18)
She looks like such a hard bitch. I like strong women.

I respect that you're expressing your own preferences, but they're not mine brother. I don't mind strong women (intellectually), but I don't like them to look like they're about to stab me with a fork before raping my cat and lighting my house on fire afterwards.
Been around far too many weight-lifting women for my own good I suppose. Not talking the muscles (which are their own peculiar kind of ugly on a woman), but the squared mean look, it's just a total turn off to me.
I have a real keen interest in the pin up model types from the 1940's through 1970's though. Can't find many modern analogs (maybe Jessica Alba or the girl from "Legally Blonde"), most "women" in the limelight look like adolescent males with semi-long hair these days (gosh, I wonder why). I like girls that look like girls, fit but with curves in all the right places, with smiling pretty faces, long hair and who can dress in a sexy, attractive manner.
"The more artificial taboos and restrictions there are in the world, the more the people are impoverished.... The more that laws and regulations are given prominence, the more thieves and robbers there will be." - Lao Tzu, 6th century BC
SonOfLiberty posted on 2010-09-14 14:44:18 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#23. To: Flintlock (#21)
Although I like her picture on the debut Album cover for "Blondie"
Did you ever see her Hustler spread? Mind you, I only occasionally bought it for the articles.
Larry Flynt got ahold of some of Debbie's pre-blondie (in more ways than one) "modeling" pics and commented: "It looks like she's giving birth to a Poodle"

Of course you only bought it for the ~~pictures~~ err, articles. Sure. Whatever you say. You betcha!

Larry Flynt got ahold of some of Debbie's pre-blondie (in more ways than one) "modeling" pics and commented: "It looks like she's giving birth to a Poodle"

Larry is graphic as always. I don't think I've picked up a copy of Hustler in close to 25 years. Generally, I found it tacky not sexy. Women who look like they were gathered up from Hollywood and Vine are, for some reason, not my item.
"One of the least understood strategies of the world revolution now moving rapidly toward its goal is the use of mind control as a major means of obtaining the consent of the people who will be subjects of the New World Order." K.M. Heaton, The National Educator
Original_Intent posted on 2010-09-14 14:51:10 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#24. To: SonOfLiberty (#22)
I respect that you're expressing your own preferences, but they're not mine brother. I don't mind strong women (intellectually), but I don't like them to look like they're about to stab me with a fork before raping my cat and lighting my house on fire afterwards.

You do have a point. She does look a little pissy in that photo.

I like girls that look like girls, fit but with curves in all the right places, with smiling pretty faces, long hair and who can dress in a sexy, attractive manner.

The anorexic look that seems to be in vogue, or "Heroin Chic", is definitely not a positive for me. Now Jill St. John, in her prime - which to my mind was her 40's, is another matter. I tend to agree with the French adage that a woman doesn't really become interesting until after 35, and I felt that way at 19. ;-)
"One of the least understood strategies of the world revolution now moving rapidly toward its goal is the use of mind control as a major means of obtaining the consent of the people who will be subjects of the New World Order." K.M. Heaton, The National Educator
Original_Intent posted on 2010-09-14 14:54:59 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#25. To: Original_Intent (#23)
Larry is graphic as always. I don't think I've picked up a copy of Hustler in close to 25 years. Generally, I found it tacky not sexy. Women who look like they were gathered up from Hollywood and Vine are, for some reason, not my item.

It is tacky, and the Harry spread came out in the early 80s when Blondie was still on the charts. I think she also posed for Penthouse.
WWGPD? - (What Would General Pinochet Do?)
Flintlock posted on 2010-09-14 15:22:35 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#26. To: Turtle (#0)
Unfortunately at this time we are not equipped to accommodate all species and must limit our services to dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, and small caged mammals.

we have two shelties(both male,gus n max)dolly a yellow lab,6 cats,myn,sammy,razz,tazz,yodee,sweet pea and 4 chickens with a pond full of blue gill...now when the rupture happens,dear lord,leave my wife,myself and all but the chickens,even the idiots gotta eat.

paddlefeet posted on 2010-09-14 17:51:45 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#27. To: Ferret (#13)
The Book of Matthew Return to Index

Chapter 24
1

And Jesus went out, and departed from the temple: and his disciples came to him for to shew him the buildings of the temple. 2

And Jesus said unto them, See ye not all these things? verily I say unto you, There shall not be left here one stone upon another, that shall not be thrown down. 3

And as he sat upon the mount of Olives, the disciples came unto him privately, saying, Tell us, when shall these things be? and what shall be the sign of thy coming, and of the end of the world? 4

And Jesus answered and said unto them, Take heed that no man deceive you. 5

For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many. 6

And ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet. 7

For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places. Isa 19:2 Mark 13:8 Luke 21:10 8

All these are the beginning of sorrows. 9

Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name's sake. 10

And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another. 11

And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many. 12

And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold. 13

But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved. 14

And this gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in all the world for a witness unto all nations; and then shall the end come. 15

When ye therefore shall see the abomination of desolation, spoken of by Daniel the prophet, stand in the holy place, (whoso readeth, let him understand:) Dan 9:27,12:11 Mark 13:14 16

Then let them which be in Judaea flee into the mountains: 17

Let him which is on the housetop not come down to take any thing out of his house: 18

Neither let him which is in the field return back to take his clothes. 19

And woe unto them that are with child, and to them that give suck in those days! 20

But pray ye that your flight be not in the winter, neither on the sabbath day: 21

For then shall be great tribulation, such as was not since the beginning of the world to this time, no, nor ever shall be. Dan 12:1 Mark 13:19 22

And except those days should be shortened, there should no flesh be saved: but for the elect's sake those days shall be shortened. 23

Then if any man shall say unto you, Lo, here is Christ, or there; believe it not. 24

For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect. 25

Behold, I have told you before. 26

Wherefore if they shall say unto you, Behold, he is in the desert; go not forth: behold, he is in the secret chambers; believe it not. 27

For as the lightning cometh out of the east, and shineth even unto the west; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be. 28

For wheresoever the carcase is, there will the eagles be gathered together. 29

Immediately after the tribulation of those days shall the sun be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken: Isa 13:10 Mark 13:25 Luke 21:26 30

And then shall appear the sign of the Son of man in heaven: and then shall all the tribes of the earth mourn, and they shall see the Son of man coming in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory. Zech 12:12 Dan 7:13 Mark 13:26 Luke 21:27 31

And he shall send his angels with a great sound of a trumpet, and they shall gather together his elect from the four winds, from one end of heaven to the other. Deut 30:4 1 Thess 4:16,17 32

Now learn a parable of the fig tree; When his branch is yet tender, and putteth forth leaves, ye know that summer is nigh: 33

So likewise ye, when ye shall see all these things, know that it is near, even at the doors. 34

Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till all these things be fulfilled. 35

Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away. 36

But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only. 37

But as the days of Noe were, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be. 38

For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, 39

And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be. 40

Then shall two be in the field; the one shall be taken, and the other left. 41

Two women shall be grinding at the mill; the one shall be taken, and the other left. 42

Watch therefore: for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come. 43

But know this, that if the goodman of the house had known in what watch the thief would come, he would have watched, and would not have suffered his house to be broken up. 44

Therefore be ye also ready: for in such an hour as ye think not the Son of man cometh. 45

Who then is a faithful and wise servant, whom his lord hath made ruler over his household, to give them meat in due season? 46

Blessed is that servant, whom his lord when he cometh shall find so doing. 47

Verily I say unto you, That he shall make him ruler over all his goods. 48

But and if that evil servant shall say in his heart, My lord delayeth his coming; 49

And shall begin to smite his fellowservants, and to eat and drink with the drunken; 50

The lord of that servant shall come in a day when he looketh not for him, and in an hour that he is not aware of, 51

And shall cut him asunder, and appoint him his portion with the hypocrites: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

A K A Stone posted on 2010-09-14 17:54:01 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#28. To: A K A Stone, christine (#27) (Edited)
Go away, asshole. I'm here to discuss events and politics, and you are here humorless with a thin skin.
This is spam. I don't read your religious text. It is unwelcome scrollby.
Ping. Stone thinks he's a Catholic nun religious instructor christine. This guy just does not have any shame or a clue.

Ferret posted on 2010-09-14 18:17:56 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#29. To: Ferret (#28)
Calm down Mikey. Take a deep breath. You pinged me. Exahale. Now the text. There is a reason I posted that specific verse. Read what you said and look at what I posted. It is related to what I believe and what you said. If you read it you will know what I think about the rapture.

A K A Stone posted on 2010-09-14 18:49:57 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#30. To: A K A Stone (#29)
Look carefully Stone. O_I pinged you. I did not.

Ferret posted on 2010-09-14 18:51:12 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#31. To: A K A Stone (#29)
"It is related to what I believe and what you said. If you read it you will know what I think about the rapture."

Tell me in your OWN words. I am not going to read a Bible tract.
Besides, the thread is about PET INSURANCE FOR IT.
You damn idiot. The rapture is crap, a con. That is all I care about in reference to it.

Ferret posted on 2010-09-14 18:53:34 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#32. To: A K A Stone (#27) (Edited)
Original_Intent, post #15. I DID NOT PING YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!

Ferret posted on 2010-09-14 18:57:17 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#33. To: Ferret (#30)
Oh who cares. You were talking about me. Anyway boy. Get to your homework and read that verse. ;)

A K A Stone posted on 2010-09-14 18:57:42 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#34. To: A K A Stone (#29)
Later, I'm back outside to continue to work on my motorcycle. Unbelievible, just unreal.

Ferret posted on 2010-09-14 18:59:29 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#35. To: Ferret (#34)
Mike in those verses the apostles ask Jesus what the sings of the end of the world are. He answers them. He mentions many things. He doesn't mention a rapture. A word which doesn't appear in the Bible.
What people refer to as the rapture in my opinion is a confusion with the second coming of christ, which happens after the tribulation period in my opinion.

A K A Stone posted on 2010-09-14 19:03:53 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#36. To: A K A Stone (#27)
with the hypocrites

i was a hypocrit once, then i picked a side and was ever tied to the lesser hypocrits....i feel better.

paddlefeet posted on 2010-09-14 19:41:52 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#37. To: A K A Stone, Ferret, all (#35)
Mike in those verses the apostles ask Jesus what the sings of the end of the world are

Hmmm.....what about these sings?
We are da World..........
Kumbaya
Rapture
Stairway to Heaven
Knockin' on Heavens Door
"The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. ... We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of." Edward Bernays, Father of Public Relations
abraxas posted on 2010-09-14 19:55:47 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#38. To: Turtle (#0)
I'm sure, when the Rapture comes, the atheists/others/world will have bigger problems than caring for anothers pets.
Also, if pets are raptured with their owners, will those people return the money to the estate of the Raptured person?
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"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known."
-Carl Sagan.
Armadillo posted on 2010-09-14 20:09:49 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#39. To: Armadillo (#38)
Also, if pets are raptured with their owners, will those people return the money to the estate of the Raptured person?

The good thing about the Rapture is that there will be a massive oversupply of lawyers left behind, so there will be no problem filing lawsuits to recover the money.

JRiggs posted on 2010-09-14 20:13:22 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#40. To: JRiggs, Armadillo, *Post Of The Day* (#39)
The good thing about the Rapture is that there will be a massive oversupply of lawyers left behind, so there will be no problem filing lawsuits to recover the money.

LOL
"Every Person born within the limits of the United States, and subject to their jurisdiction, is by virtue of natural law and national law a citizen of the United States. This will not, of course, include persons born in the United States who are foreigners, aliens, who belong to the families of ambassadors or foreign ministers accredited to the Government of the United States, but will include every other class of persons.
Senator Jacob Howard, Co-author of the citizenship clause of the 14th Amendment, 1866.
farmfriend posted on 2010-09-14 20:20:19 ET Reply Trace Private Reply

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