4um: Man Takes Viagra, Wears Sweatpants for TSA Pat Down

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Title: Man Takes Viagra, Wears Sweatpants for TSA Pat Down
Source: The Washington Fancy
URL Source: http://thewashingtonfancy.com/2011/ ... s-sweatpants-for-tsa-pat-down/
Published: Jul 16, 2011
Author: Garrett Baldwin
Post Date: 2011-07-16 08:00:26 by Esso
Keywords: None
Views: 1800
Comments: 30

"Sir, thank you for cooperating with TSA regulations, but this is the 6th time you've been through security. You really don't need to come back here anymore."
NASHVILLE INT’L AIRPORT — A Wyoming man walked through a TSA checkpoint with a raging erection on Tuesday, daring TSA officers and even fellow passengers to give him an invasive pat down.
“I’m next,” Warren Kelvin, 34, screamed as he pushed to the front of the security line. According to TSA officials, Kelvin had ingested two Viagra and wore sweatpants without boxers for his Southwest flight from Nashville to Phoenix.
“I thought he was carrying a baton in his pants,” said Amanda Watershed, second shift supervisor of the A Terminal at Nashville International Airport. “Nope… That was his penis.”
Even though TSA officials allowed Kelvin to initially pass through security without the controversial pat down, the passenger on more than one occasion got back in line until he felt that he had been thoroughly inspected. Kelvin finally got the invasive pat down by 38-year-old officer Duncan Allbright after 80 minutes and four trips through security.
“Even after we let him pass through he kept walking out of the terminal and getting back in line,” said Watershed. “Finally, Duncan had to bite the bullet for everyone and do a thorough screening of him in a private [security] room.”
Allbright, a 14-year veteran of airport security, announced his retirement shortly after Kelvin boarded the plane. “I’m going home to take a shower and make love to my wife,” said Allbright as he got into his car. “This job isn’t for me. I’ve suddenly lost my passion for touching strangers.”
U.S Homeland Security director Janet Napolitano dismissed concerns that more TSA officers would quit or that more travelers would take similar measures to get their “jollies”. “I am hoping this is an isolated incident. If flights were a lot cheaper, I could see more people doing this,” said Napolitano, “but with the cost of airplane fuel rising, I don’t think $560 roundtrip is a bargain price to get fondled.”
Calls to TSA headquarters went unanswered, as everyone there is just exhausted.
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Begin Trace Mode for Comment # 29.
#7. To: Esso (#0)
Viagra costs $10 a pill and this guy was probably going to be aching before the plane flight was over.

Shoonra posted on 2011-07-16 14:51:24 ET Reply Untrace Trace Private Reply
#8. To: Shoonra (#7)
"Viagra costs $10 a pill and this guy was probably going to be aching before the plane flight was over."

Form a joystick of travel club and get a big enough demographic of this and the policies would finally change.
I hate to break it to the TSA, but if any bureaucratic policy is going to be riduculed to death it will be their one calling for father frottering and mother mashing.
Given the choice of helping a friend suck rattle snake venom from a bite on the penis or seeing him die, many men would wish their buddy a fond farewell and call their response to the dilemma good.

Ferret posted on 2011-07-16 15:07:49 ET Reply Untrace Trace Private Reply
#29. To: Ferret (#8) (Edited)
Given the choice of helping a friend suck rattle snake venom from a bite on the penis or seeing him die, many men would wish their buddy a fond farewell and call their response to the dilemma good.

Don't wanna be a party pooper but The National Snakebite Center, a subsidiary of Poison Control has known for over 30 years that statistically, cutting and sucking venomous snakebites does not increase survivability rates. (it only increases the trauma to the wound area and likely adds to the stress)
The correct first aid treatment? First, try to obtain the snake's head if possible (without getting bitten again-this is important in areas with more than one type of venomous snake because they will not administer antivenin unless the snake is positively identified-the wrong serum will kill the victim)
Then, sit down for 15 or 20 minutes to control one's pulse and to minimize the chances of shock, which can be deadly even if the bite isn't. (years ago an African American cop who suffered an otherwise non fatal gunshot to the forearm said, "I'm shot, I'm going to die!" and then he did) THEN, get up and calmly go to the nearest hospital.
Cutting and sucking was based on the theory that the venom was rushing to the heart when in fact most of it attaches to the muscle walls in the bite vicinity and antibodies rush to the wound area causing anaphylactic shock.
But every society has its superstitions, and every hunting supply and (WAL MART sporting goods section) is stocked with those pre-packaged rubber suction cups, razor blades and a tourniquets, with a nasty long-fanged rattler pic on the package. And, Hell, everybody in my local barber shop knows that the right first aid treatment for snakebite is cutting and sucking, right?

HOUNDDAWG posted on 2011-07-17 21:36:14 ET Reply Untrace Trace Private Reply
Replies to Comment # 29.
#30. To: HOUNDDAWG (#29)
"Don't wanna be a party pooper but The National Snakebite Center, a subsidiary of Poison Control has known for over 30 years that statistically, cutting and sucking venomous snakebites does not increase survivability rates. (it only increases the trauma to the wound area and likely adds to the stress)"

Yes Hound Dog, I do know this. I was taking advantage of an old joke. But thanks for sharing. ;-)

Ferret posted on 2011-07-18 01:59:55 ET Reply Untrace Trace Private Reply
End Trace Mode for Comment # 29.
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