I met a young woman at a conference in Las Vegas recently. She was working as an usher / conference staff assistant. Let's call her Anne. She looked to be about 30. Tall (6 feet 1 inches), slender, nice facial features. A pretty young woman in a city full of pretty young women. By Las Vegas / NYC / Hollywood norms, she was about 80th percentile. In another other major metro area, probably 90th or better.
I wasn't looking to pick her up. But I wanted to test out my Game. Why not try it on an attractive young woman in the Heart of Darkness?
I had Anne's phone number in 5 minutes. I saw her a few more times as the day went by and chatted with her briefly each time. She gave me escalating IOIs as time passed.
She called me the next morning to meet for coffee before the conference started. We had lunch together, then made a date for a private dinner that evening. IOIs continued.
Here's what transpired at dinner:
** I toned down Game. She escalated the IOIs. Rather than respond to her interest, I started feeding her bits of the Red Pill. **
Anne, l'm not planning in getting into your pants. If I was, we'd be well on our way right now.
** Her eyes lock on mine, she blushes, then looks down and squirms a bit in her seat. **
You and I both know that's true. So let's put that behind us, because it isn't going to happen.
** She looks a bit puzzled, then smiles slightly. ** Anne, today you are 29. This year, you are going to be 30. That's a big milestone. Your Twenties are about to be over. Where do you want to be in five years?
"Uh, I don't know. I haven't really thought about it."
On your birthday in 2017, you're going to be 35. Right?"
"Yeah..."
Let's talk about where you see yourself on that day, when you turn 35.
Do you want to still be hustling for day jobs, living day to day, worrying about whether you can make your next rent payment? Pay the minimum on your credit cards? Put gas in your car?
"No."
What one thing would make your life more stable? Give you something to plan around?
"A house. I want a house of my own."
You want a house. One that you own, even if it's with a mortgage. How do you get from here to there?
** Blank look **
You need a steady job. One that has been paying well for a while, so that you've been able to save up 5 or 10 percent of the purchase price for a down payment. In almost any major city in America, a house starts at $100,000 or so. Often a lot more. So you need to have a steady job long enough to be able to save up at least $10,000.
Can you do that in your present circumstance?
"No." If you can save $400 a month, you can have that down payment in two years. If you can only save $200 every month, you will need over four years. That means you need to have that job in the next year.
** We go into a small sidebar on why she should switch to Sales or Marketing from her present modeling gig. **
Anne, you say you want a house by the time you turn 35. There is another route. Marry a man who has a good, steady job who can buy that house. Or significantly contribute towards buying that house.
"How did we go from wanting a house to me getting married?!"
Because the odds of you getting that house all by yourself aren't nearly as good as the odds if you are married. To a good man with a steady job. Earning as much or more than you. Especially if he is earning more than you. Does that make sense?
"Yes. I see your point."
Do you want children?
"Huh? I don't know. How did we get to talking about children?"
Because we are talking about where you want to be at 35.
You are at the peak of your fertility right now. In the next few years it will start to decline, if it hasn't already done so. Lots of doctors will tell you that, if you are going to have children, you need to be done by 35. Certainly before 40.
Fertility starts falling fast in your late thirties. Birth defects start rising by 40. So you want to be done well before then. Age thirty-five is a good target.
If you decide you want children, you probably want more than one. Spacing them out by two or three years helps a lot. If for no other reason than having more than one in diapers at a time is exhausting.
So if you want to have two children and be done by 35, then you need to have that first baby in the next two or three years. By the time you turn 33. That's in 2015. By 2014 would be better. That's two years away.
You and I both know that children need a mother and a father. Parents who will stick together and raise those children to adulthood.
You don't want to end up as some guy's baby-mama, right?
"Oh hell no!"
Marriage takes work. A married couple need two or three years together to settle into the relationship, before adding the stress of children. So if you are going to have that first baby by your birthday in 2015, you need to be married by your birthday in 2013.
That's next year.
** Wide eyes. Swallow hard. **
That means you need to find your future husband and father of your children THIS YEAR.
"!!!"
Think about what I just said. Did I miss something? Did I say anything that isn't true? Is my logic, my reasoning, my chain of causality flawed?
"No..."
So let's think about who that man is.
Think back to high school. Twelve years ago. The Year 2000. You are 17 years old. You are blossoming into beautiful young womanhood.
** Smile. Blush. Far-away look. **
Who are the boys you remember being attracted to? Who did you have a little tingle inside for?
"The jocks."
Of course. Good looking, self confident, graceful, exciting to be around. Alpha males.
Did they treat you well? Did any of them offer you some sort of commitment? Or comfort? Or support when you needed it?
"No."
Who do you remember from that last year of high school who would be suitable husbands and fathers today? Steady jobs. No addictions to alcohol or drugs or gambling? No baby-mama drama of their own?
"The quiet guys."
Yeah, the shy quiet guys. If the jocks were the Alphas, these guys are the Betas. Solid, dependable, kind, supportive.
They were invisible to you. They didn't exist in your world. None of them gave you the tingle deep inside like the Alpha males, did they?
"No..."
Do you think those guys, a dozen years later, have steady jobs and stable incomes? Like the kind you need to qualify for a mortgage?
"I guess so. Probably."
What about the guys you had the tingles for? Think most of them are holding good, steady jobs? are ready to commit to lifelong marriage and raising children?
"Not many."
Or are they still bouncing from job to job, boozing it up, and chasing skirts? Do they now have a baby-mama? Or two?
"Probably."
Which one would be there to help you buy that house?
"The quiet guy."
Which one would help you raise children? Be a father and not just a baby-daddy to your future children?
"The quiet guy."
So why aren't you with one of those quiet guys?
** She goes into an explanation about how she just ended an 18 month relationship with a dysfunctional Alpha. An alcoholic gambler who was all but living in a casino. I stop her story after a few minutes. **
You wasted a year and a half of your young life. One-twentieth of your total time on Earth. On this guy. Why?
"Well, at first he was fun. It was exciting. Then..."
At first, he made you feel special by doing fun, edgy stuff. Then, you felt special because you thought you were special enough to fix him. Right?
"Yeah..." Eyes downcast.
You aren't that special.
** Her eyes snap open in shock and the beginnings of anger. **
Because no one is special enough to fix somebody like that. Not you. Not me. Not Mother Theresa. No one.
Are you dating anyone right now?
"I'm on Match and Plenty of Fish."
Are you exclusively dating anyone?
"Well, almost. There is this one guy. He's smart, has a good job. He's a lawyer. He has a house."
Do you have the tingles for him?
"Not really."
Do you think you could?
"Uh, I don't know."
Then try this: the next time you go on Match or PoF, look at each guy's photo and profile. Find ONE good thing about him. It might be in his profile. It might be in his photos.
Maybe his face isn't attractive, but he has a nice haircut. That should tell you that he wasn't a winner in the genetic lottery (like you), but that he is trying to make the best of what he has.
In the next week, look for something good in every man you meet, in person or on-line.
After a week of doing that, take another look at the guy you are seeing. I bet you'll find several good things about him that you never noticed before. Some of those things might even spark the tingle.
** And this ended the conversation. **
Poster Comment:
Jack Nicholson's character said it best in As Good as It Gets (and I paraphrase): "To understand women, think of a man and take away reason and accountability."
Since many women don't have those things, it's up to a man to give it to them.
By the way, Turtle negs women all the time. I saw a woman I know who works in a local store and when I walked by her all I said was, "There's my favorite girl from ****."
As I walked by her she swung her hand and hit me in the back. She has a crush on me, which several woman do.