4um: Best of Craigslist - Modesto, California

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Title: Best of Craigslist - Modesto, California
Source: Craigslist
URL Source: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mod/3781647774.html
Published: May 1, 2013
Author: unknown
Post Date: 2013-09-03 21:55:58 by X-15
Keywords: None
Views: 184
Comments: 10

Drunk girl on my lawn - m4w
There I was, just yesterday, I can remember it so clearly. I woke up around 2 AM to take a nice fat leak when I noticed your squeeky giggle outside of my window. I looked out my window half naked as an odd mix of shock, disgust, pity and blush washed over me.
Not only were you a stunning redhead just a little shorter then me with, what looked like, a curtain and drapery matching combo, but you were also taking a dump and piss on my lawn at the same time. For that I have to give you props, I don't think I've ever achieved that level of toilet mastery.
I immediately came out to see if you were alright or needed a ride home, seeing as this town isn't exactly well suited for, what I'm guessing to be, an 18-21 drunk girl at 2 in the morning, but me coming out in a bathrobe and asking apparently scared you because you started running with a turd still sticking out of your ass and dove headfirst into my car, leaving a dent in it.
I told you to hold on as I was gonna shut off the car alarm and get you an ice pack but I'm not sure if you heard. What I am sure of though is that you sat on the trunk of my car smearing shit all over it, took off your shoes, left your half full smirnoff bottle and ran like hell.
Normally I wouldn't let a girl shit all over my things and put a dent in my car until we've gotten on a first name basis but for you I think we could work it out. You know where I live.
• Location: Modesto Ca
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
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#1. To: X-15 (#0)
Damn.
Far and way the most amazing CL posting ever...and I've seen some real doozies.
“The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out... without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane, intolerable.” ~ H. L. Mencken
Lod posted on 2013-09-03 22:28:20 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#2. To: X-15, Turtle (#0)
Turtle?
Support bacteria.
(The world needs more culture)
Obnoxicated posted on 2013-09-03 22:58:00 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#3. To: X-15 (#0)
This coming from CraigsList does not surprise me at all. But that was a good one, X-15.

purplerose posted on 2013-09-04 2:43:29 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#4. To: X-15 (#0)
Thought this one was better. Someone posted it here sometime back....:
Skyline! 1990 GTSt $5000:
This isn't your normal skyline. This motherfcker is the skyline God would drive if he wasn't busy doing God sh*t like making tsunamis and crap. Its set up to go fast, and go fast sideways. Who doesn't like to get sideway?! Terrorists, thats who. Are you a terrorist? No? Then you need this car.
Handling? This car handles like a junior executive CEO. Go around corners like the devil himself is chasing you, and not give a fck.
Whats that? You like drifting? Well I've got some great god d@mn news for you. This car was a drift project of mine, and the last owner was planning on making it a drift machine too. Interior is for pussies so we got rid of it. Manly as fck. It literally oozes testosterone. So much so that its puddling up in the back.
Seats? this cocks*cker has got two. One for you, and one for the hot @ss broad thats gunna be all upons your dick after you buy this car. You're a girl? Sh*t works both ways. One seat for you, and one seat for that hot @ss dude you've been trying to hook up with for weeks. Deal with it,sh*ts getting serious.
Stereos and AC are for hippies. Fortunately this car has neither. Oh look at me, I like listen to Simon and Garfunkel and think about puppies. F*ck that. The only noises you're gunna be hearing is the ultra manly engine noises coming from this sweet turbocharged, intercooled, 24 valve inline 6. Sh*ts getting real, real f*cking fast.
This car has got a bright orange ebrake handle (b*tches love orange) with a drift button for those super ultra megahellatastic bar room brawler ebrake lockers. F*ck. Yes.
Now, I'll be honest. The wheels are a little lackluster, although everyones gunna be so focused on your super gangster drifting that nobody is going to give a f*ck about your sh*tty stock 16s. Don't worry, I've got you fcking covered. Its like we're in Vietnam and you just got ambushed by Charlie. Don't worry, friend, I've got your fcking back and I blow charlie to kingdom fcking come. For an extra $450 I can throw in some added p*ssy magnets for wheels, just don't come crawling back to me complaining that you're getting TOO much vajayjay. Bright fcking green 18s. Greens not your thing? Super legit silver 18s. Done like dinner.
This car has got 1.5 metric f*ck tons of awesome parts. Bride, Greddy, Brembo, the list doesn't f*cking END. It just keeps going and going, like the energizer bunny on speed.
You like going fast? Ever tried to outrun 24 police cars and 3 helicopters? You need this car. It will go so fcking fast that you may very well go back in time. It happened to me once. Just once, but it was fcking rad. Its like someone took a rocket and opened its mouth and poured steroids down its throat and and threatened to kill its family if it wasn't the fastest motherfcker you've ever driven.
I get it. You're busy, I'm busy, lets not waste time. If you're interested send me a message and I'll get back to you ASAP. You send me a message, I send you one right back. Thats how this works.

Pinguinite posted on 2013-09-04 3:03:41 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#5. To: X-15 (#0)
Normally I wouldn't let a girl shit all over my things and put a dent in my car until we've (cont below)

.... said I do.
Strange times are these in which we live when old and young are taught in falsehood’s school. And the one man who dares to tell the truth is called at once a lunatic and fool.
– Plato (429-347 BC)
noone222 posted on 2013-09-04 7:37:43 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#6. To: Obnoxicated (#2)
Turtle?

A woman I know opened her front door a few months ago and found a drunk girl sleeping on her front porch. Turned out she was the neighbor two houses down.
"Have Brain, Will Travel
Turtle posted on 2013-09-04 7:38:22 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#7. To: X-15 (#0)
Now that is some funny $#it!
Americans who have no experience with, or knowledge of, tyranny believe that only terrorists will experience the unchecked power of the state. They will believe this until it happens to them, or their children, or their friends.

Paul Craig Roberts
James Deffenbach posted on 2013-09-04 9:28:21 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#8. To: X-15 (#0)
This one from Modesto's best-of is good too;
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mod/949272015.html

Katniss posted on 2013-09-04 16:25:01 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#9. To: noone222 (#5)
Normally I wouldn't let a girl shit all over my things and put a dent in my car until we've (cont below)
.... said I do.

Kinky.
“With the exception of Whites, the rule among the peoples of the world, whether residing in their homelands or settled in Western democracies, is ethnocentrism and moral particularism: they stick together and good means what is good for their ethnic group."
-Alex Kurtagic
X-15 posted on 2013-09-04 17:59:06 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
#10. To: Katniss (#8)
Priceless. Especially the part about somebody leaving a turd in the pool.

purplerose posted on 2013-09-05 1:43:10 ET Reply Trace Private Reply
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