There's that sound again -- "safe spaces". NN 7 Things to Remember If You’re a White Person Dating a Person of Color
........while interracial dynamics always add a layer of work to romance, it’s important to note that I’m white.
Because when you’re a white person in an interracial relationship, there’s this whole–ohhh, ya know–white supremacy thing hanging in the air.
And that has to be acknowledged–and dealt with–constantly.
Lest your relationship be doomed–and your “No, Really, I’m a Decent Person” card be permanently revoked.
We talk a lot in social justice circles about how to attempt to be a better white ally to people of color–and a lot of that Allyship 101 advice can (and should) be directly applied to our intimate relationships.
But I think it’s worth revisiting these concepts within the context of romantic or sexual relationships. Because they’re special. And the way we practice our allyship in those contexts should reflect that.
So, whether you’re years deep in a charmingly fairy tale-esque romance with your beau or you’re just now firing up to dive into your first, here are seven things to remember as a white person involved with a person of color.
Be Willing to Talk About Race As a feminist and a woman, I could never be in a relationship with someone who didn’t feel comfortable talking about patriarchy. In fact, I often joke that my go-to first-date question is “What’s your working definition of ‘oppression?’”
Gender (and the social dynamics therein) is a part of my everyday life, both in how I’m perceived by the world and in the work that I do.
So if I tried to date someone who felt discomfort to the point of clamming up every time I brought gender into the conversation, that “It’s not you, it’s me” discussion would come up quick.
The same goes for race.
While it’s okay for conversations about white supremacy to make you uncomfortable (hey, we should be uncomfortable with that shit), being generally aware of how race plays out and feeling fairly well versed in racial justice issues is important.
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Be Willing to Accept That Sometimes, You’re Not the Go-To for Race Conversations As a woman, I know that sometimes talking about gender with a male partner– even if he’s well versed in all things feminist–can feel exhausting. Sometimes I don’t want to chat with someone who only has a theoretical understanding of gender oppression. Sometimes I want to talk to someone who just gets it.
That’s why safe spaces–where affinity groups can be together without the presence of the oppressor–exist: so that tough conversations can be had with fewer guards up, so that you can communicate thousands of ideas in a single collective sigh, so that you can cry together with those who don’t just sympathize, but empathize.
And while it’s important to be willing to talk to your partner about race and to feel comfortable bringing it up, it’s just as important to be willing to step back and recognize when your whiteness is intrusive.........
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