Texas takes pride in being the lone star state. It likes to think it is so unique, has its own flag.
Well, what if Texas had been castoff, like a less hospitable Mexico, to stand on its own - and the United States didn't have to bear the burden of this state where everything bad in our country seems to stem from.
So let's take a look and see what we would be missing if Texas took its sorry ass and declared its independence (or, more accurately, our independence from them):
The Alamo - I don't know which we would miss less, A) the ridiculous, embarrassing story of how a few hundred Mexican soldiers blew a whole bunch of Texans - unfortunately, also considered Americans - away, in a futile, useless fight over some scorching, unfertile patch of desert dirt, or B) the most boring, disappointing tourist site in the entire U.S., if not the world.
JFK's Assasination - JFK would still be alive if this stupid state was considered the foreign, third-world entity that it is.
The Vietnam War - Yes, after these Texans killed JFK, they gave us LBJ, who, wonderful Texan that he was, launched us full steam into the Vietnam War.
David Koresh - How nice of them to invite our Justice Department people to their Texas style barbecue.
George W. Bush - He could have been a foreigner, people - right at home as the Dictator of his own Banana Republic.
Enron - The company that helped trash California's economy and set off a wave of corporate scandals that took 401K's already suffering from the President's lack of economic leadership and finished them off, Texas style.
Ok, let's be fair and talk about the good things that have come from Texas that make it worth putting up with the humiliation of The Alamo, JFK's assassination, the tens of thousands of inexcusable, unnecessary American deaths resulting from the Vietnam War, and the current idiot-in-chief, who is doing his best to create a cross between his own Vietnam and an endless Cold War.
What makes Texas worth us having to endure all of this:
Professional Cheerleaders - Started by the Dallas Cowboys. Nice, but a few jiggly tits don't quite make up for Vietnam in some people's minds.
A Place To Launch Rockets From - "Um, Houston, we have other places we can use, over."
The Sixth Floor Book Depository Museum - Excellent spot to relive American history, but having avoided the whole damned assassination might have been better.
Lots Of Oil - Actually, just enough oil to make some incompetent, power-hungry idiots, who are named after things like shrubs, really rich, before these morons depleted the reserves and started crawling the globe like addicts in search of another similar fix.
Anna Nicole Smith - Like Texas itself, seems appealing and exciting at first, but in the end you realize it's just too damn big and completely useless.
Southwest Airlines - Thank God, they created a cheap way to get the hell out of that hateful heat trap.
The War On Terror - You see, this was a trick - I put this in here because the Texans who are reading this will actually think it's a good thing, while the rest of us realize it's actually a horribly state of being brought upon us by the asinine policies of yet another wonderful Texan, George H. W. Bush.
So, in the end, we must wonder, just as we used to have debates and a process for welcoming new states into the Union, shouldn't we maybe come up with a way to get a single problem child that keeps disturbing class and ruining life for the other kids kicked out of school? Or, more accurately, shouldn't we get a movement going to kiss this sorry ass, endlessly problem-causing sand trap the hell out of our fine country?
Poster Comment:
Kick Texas loose, and kick the South loose, and it would be a better country. It would be best of all to kick loose the whole East Coast -- DC, New York City and the whole Yankee-traitor mess.
Oh, yeah, kick Alaska loose, too.
