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A Joke That Made Turtle Burst Into Laughter
Post Date: 2009-03-20 14:54:39 by Turtle
1 Comments
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 pennies to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the pennies, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help. A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at the bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and ...

Hit Man
Post Date: 2009-03-20 12:40:59 by freepatriot32
0 Comments
Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed. A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man ...

Roy Innis vs Al Sharpton (Al goes down!!)
Post Date: 2009-03-19 23:09:11 by X-15
3 Comments
Poster Comment:Memorable chimp-out

Lugar Boosts Senate Clout With History-Making Vote
Post Date: 2009-03-18 20:40:32 by Dakmar
4 Comments
INDIANAPOLIS -- Sen. Dick Lugar has cast his 12,000th vote, moving him to 13th place on the all-time Senate voting list. Lugar, the longest serving U.S. senator in Indiana history, cast the vote Wednesday during debate on a public lands bill. The six-term senator voted against a motion to table an amendment, which was defeated 63-35. The vote moved the Senate's most senior Republican past the late Sen. Quentin Burdick. Lugar has perfect voting attendance for 2009 and has maintained a better than 98 percent attendance record during his more than 32 years in the Senate. Active senators who have cast more than 12,000 votes include all-time record holder Robert C. Byrd with more than ...

Tiger Mountain Peasant Song
Post Date: 2009-03-17 09:46:30 by bluegrass
9 Comments

Yuma business criticized for no 'yobs aqui' signs
Post Date: 2009-03-16 15:12:35 by Rotara
4 Comments
YUMA - A southwestern Arizona business is catching criticism for posting two signs telling Spanish speakers that there are "no yobs aqui." While "no aqui" is Spanish for "not here," the word "yobs" is a joke about how some Spanish-speakers pronounce "jobs." The English "j" does not occur at the beginning of words in Spanish, so some Spanish speakers soften it to a sound familiar to them, such as the "y." The real Spanish word for "job" is "trabajo" (trah-BAH'-ho). Flash Sharrar, owner of Team Ramco in Yuma, said he placed two signs with the phrase outside his business because he got tired of ...

Jason and the Argonauts - Skeleton Fight
Post Date: 2009-03-15 19:40:12 by Turtle
1 Comments
Poster Comment:When I saw this as a kid I had to sleep with the lights on.

Maybe your dog can find food for you if things get bad, instead of standing in a bread line(?)
Post Date: 2009-03-15 12:42:13 by Artisan
7 Comments
got a crazy dog, almost 14 but still likes to hunt. (What is this thing by the way?)

Masters of Harmony - 2008 International Barbershop Chorus Champions
Post Date: 2009-03-14 22:34:18 by Prefrontal Vortex
1 Comments

"Chicken Train" - Ozark Mountain Daredevils
Post Date: 2009-03-14 21:21:59 by Turtle
1 Comments

Half a Brain is Better Than No Brain
Post Date: 2009-03-14 11:38:40 by Turtle
3 Comments
All of the research I've seen over the past several years claims that men only use half their brain, while women use all of theirs. This I believe, since I can drive and listen to the radio simultaneously (obviously men use the same side of their brains for driving and music, meaning driving a car is like listening to music!) but if I have to look for an address, down goes the radio volume, since I'm using the Address-Looking-For Side, which doesn't get along all that well with the Music/Driving Side, so I end up like a duck walking in circles because one leg is shorter than the other. The good thing about this half-a-brain stuff is that men can concentrate on one thing, like ...

"Walking My Baby Back Home" - Nat King Cole
Post Date: 2009-03-14 10:52:58 by Turtle
0 Comments
Poster Comment:Turtle was out late last night.

Wash. man caught in HOV lane with unbuckled dummy
Post Date: 2009-03-13 22:51:15 by richard9151
8 Comments
Fri Mar 13, 3:11 pm ET BELLEVUE, Wash. – You forgot to buckle up, dummy! A commuter who put a homemade dummy in the passenger seat to sneak into the car pool lane was caught Wednesday near Seattle. But it wasn't because a cop realized the passenger was fake. Instead, the State Patrol trooper noticed the dangling belt buckle on the passenger side and suspected a seat belt violation. Patrol spokeswoman Christina Martin told The Herald of Everett that the driver acknowledged trying to beat traffic by using the HOV lane. He created his passenger by draping a rain jacket over plastic piping, topping it off with a Halloween mask of Gandalf, the "Lord of the Rings" wizard, a ...

George W. Bush Intelligent President
Post Date: 2009-03-13 17:30:01 by richard9151
1 Comments
Video here; www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4-XOPeDDhw&feature=related Bush Making a Complete Fool of Himself. Video here; www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9whu1o_zbM&NR=1 Is GEORGE WALKER BUSH Retarded?... Got a minute to find out? Video here; www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyAdhVxtDq0&feature=related Top Ten Bush Moments Video here; www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7em-Vtipp4&feature=related Ultimate George Bush Collection Video here; www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFKwFxDp660&feature=related Bush Giving the Finger Video here; www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVynnbx1Xsc&feature=related And, finally, U.N. Officially Investigating Bush For Torture! Video here; www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKLWykpixf8 ...

Bush--Who's on FIrst
Post Date: 2009-03-13 17:01:32 by richard9151
1 Comments
Video here; www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hnY2f8lIjc&feature=related And it are worth watching! Click for Full Text!

The male optical illusion
Post Date: 2009-03-13 12:18:51 by freepatriot32
12 Comments

Why does steam come out of my vagina????!?
Post Date: 2009-03-12 14:26:24 by X-15
19 Comments
em!ly: "ok, so i know this is really gross, but sometimes when i sit down on the toilet it looks like steam is coming out of my vagina. am i gonna die or do i have like this crazy weird disease? i;ve been searching the internet and i cant find anything. can someone explain this to me.?!?!?" M.D.: "You won't die, but some ancient cultures believe in a pillow monster that lives in your vagina. This isnt acknowledged in modern medicine, however, the steam could be caused by the troll exhaling." ThomasTh: "Unfortunately, your vagina is releasing harmful greenhouse gases that are contributing to global warming. I suggest that you capture the steam using a plastic ...

CHASING PAVLOVIAN SEX
Post Date: 2009-03-12 01:22:52 by X-15
3 Comments
Validating His Vitality We all laugh when watching a dog chase a car. It’s inexplicable but amusing behavior. The dog achieves nothing, other than fatigue. Does the dog have any real interest in the car? No, just in chasing it … to validate his vitality. I find it more amusing to watch a man chase women, especially because he has the faculties to know his behavior is idiotic and unnecessary. Does a man have any real interest in a woman he’s chasing? No, just in chasing her — which explains why, right after catching her, he wants a new one. He, like the dog, is validating his vitality. Sadly, many women love to be chased, insist on being chased, falsely equating ...

Leprechaun in Mobile, Alabama (Uncut Satellite Feed)
Post Date: 2009-03-11 21:53:17 by Jethro Tull
12 Comments

The Wonders of the Internet
Post Date: 2009-03-11 20:49:11 by Turtle
4 Comments
My 25-year-old Seiko watch kicked the bucket Saturday. While looking at eBay for a watch, I found a vintage Bulova from the estate sale of a watch repairman. No one bid on it and I got it for ten dollars. Self-winding, supposedly it works just fine, appears to be from the '60s. I won't know until it shows up. Since the Internet, I've bought dozens of things for a fraction of what it would otherwise cost me.

One of the funniest John Boy and Billy Clips ever
Post Date: 2009-03-09 21:35:04 by James Deffenbach
0 Comments

Why Men Lke Dogs Better Than Women
Post Date: 2009-03-09 20:10:49 by Turtle
10 Comments
* Dogs don't cry. * Dogs love it when your friends come over. * Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo. * Dogs think you sing great. * A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink. * Dogs don't expect you to call when you're running late. * The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you. * Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs. * Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name. * Dogs are excited by rough play. * Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away. * Dogs understand that farts are funny. * Dogs love red meat. * Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair. * Anyone can get a good-looking dog. ...

JB&B Classics: Hoyt and Death Row
Post Date: 2009-03-09 13:57:07 by James Deffenbach
0 Comments

Why's It Still Dark Outside?
Post Date: 2009-03-09 08:11:48 by Turtle
0 Comments
I didn't realize until yesterday it was DST, not until 1 in the afternoon. I thought it was still noon until a friend called me and mentioned he had also forgotten to set his clock foward. Now it's still dark outside.

Oh no!!! Turtle's Seiko died!!!
Post Date: 2009-03-08 22:21:37 by Turtle
11 Comments
My 25-year-old Seiko watch, which I think cost me $70 back then, died today. The stem came out, and the hands spin around if I shake the watch. I'm sure it'll cost more to fix it than it's worth. So I bought a retro Timex from Amazon for $32 with S&H.

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