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Latest Articles: 4play
Got banned from Target today
Post Date: 2012-03-25 23:22:12 by Hmmmmm
7 Comments
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from our local Target. Dear Mrs. Samsel, Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samsel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras. 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other ...
3.5 minute break to remember when How? was the more important question than Why?
Post Date: 2012-03-25 12:28:59 by Hmmmmm
3 Comments
Oh, Okay, My Bad...
Post Date: 2012-03-24 16:52:48 by farmfriend
2 Comments
Everything I Needed to Know I Learned from Edgar Rice Burroughs
Post Date: 2012-03-24 13:06:58 by Turtle
12 Comments
I never needed any self-help books about men being from Mars and women from Venus, or how I learned everything I needed to know in kindergarten. All I ever needed was Edgar Rice Burroughs, whom I encountered when I was 11. Burroughs, who isn't really that well-known anymore, is best-known as the creator of Tarzan (who in the books spoke as if he was quoting Shakespeare, a far cry from the "me Tarzan, you Jane" in the movies). But in his day ERB (as he is commonly known) was as popular as Stephen King is now, and was, and still is, hugely influential. Carl Sagan, for example, credited him with interesting him in space exploration and science. Writers such as F. Paul Wilson, ...
A Friday Night "Welcome Back Lod" Music Thread
Post Date: 2012-03-23 17:53:49 by Pinguinite
32 Comments
Seems an appropriate thing to do this evening. Glad you're doing well, Lod.
Defrosted Nazis to Take Over the World!
Post Date: 2012-03-22 13:20:26 by Turtle
8 Comments
Poster Comment:This movie scared the bejesus out of me as a kid. I saw it with some kids about midnight on TV.
"I Saw the Light" - Todd Rundgren
Post Date: 2012-03-21 15:00:58 by Turtle
0 Comments
Poster Comment:This is one of my favorite songs.
Turtle the Gigolo, Inc. Now Half-Price!
Post Date: 2012-03-21 13:45:39 by Turtle
5 Comments
Since I don't want to spend $850 of my own money repairing my van I'm lowering my Gigolo price to $10. That means I only need 850 customers. Shouldn't be too hard.
To Where You Are
Post Date: 2012-03-21 11:35:27 by James Deffenbach
0 Comments
. And the same song done by Chloe Agnew .
Blond Chick Explains MPH
Post Date: 2012-03-21 00:41:25 by christine
13 Comments
Blonde Chick Explains MPH - Watch More Funny Videos
Japanese TSA parody
Post Date: 2012-03-20 14:58:06 by randge
5 Comments
Poster Comment:No comment.
Death by Snu Snu
Post Date: 2012-03-20 14:49:12 by Turtle
3 Comments
FuturamaGet More: Comedy Central,Funny Videos,Funny TV ShowsPoster Comment:What an awful way to die...I think.
Dodgeball--the Greatest Sport Ever
Post Date: 2012-03-20 14:13:51 by Turtle
2 Comments
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004) Patches O'Houlihan: If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball. Justin: What? [Patches throws a wrench and hits Justin in the face] Patches O'Houlihan: If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball. Patches O'Houlihan: I ain't crazy and I ain't a guy. Peter La Fleur: [after Patches hits Justin in the face with a wrench] Yeah, uh, Patches... are you sure that this is completely necessary? Patches O'Houlihan: Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine? Peter La Fleur: Probably not. Patches O'Houlihan: No, but I do it anyway because it's sterile and I like the taste. Peter La Fleur: ...Okay. [while ...
Health Alert
Post Date: 2012-03-20 13:50:39 by Ragin1
8 Comments
When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure. When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure. When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems. When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really, really bad for you. Warn all your friends!!
Woola the Martian Hound Dog
Post Date: 2012-03-20 13:38:31 by Turtle
0 Comments
Poster Comment:Uglier than my pug.
The Guerrilla Culinarian [Ep 5] Bangin' Cheesy No B.S. Garlic Bread
Post Date: 2012-03-19 21:18:57 by farmfriend
2 Comments
Turtle Dislocates his Liver
Post Date: 2012-03-19 15:59:36 by Turtle
8 Comments
Actually I didn't, but I thought I did. While changing the back plugs on my horrid Ford van, I bruised the short rib on my right side. At first I thought it was a muscle, then I thought I had exploded my liver, then I realized it was my rib. I was told three to six weeks until it heals. I actually had to wrap tape all the way around me. It's pretty excruciating. You don't want it to happen to you. Ooch! Ooch! Ouch! Ouch!
Sunday Rock!
Post Date: 2012-03-18 15:53:43 by F.A. Hayek Fan
29 Comments
Oodles of Popularity
Post Date: 2012-03-18 15:20:59 by Turtle
0 Comments
An "Oodle" is a unit of popularity discovered by Turtle when he was about 21. Ooodles range from 0 to 100, with 100 being the same as One Turtle, and 0 being absolute unpopularity Since obviously Turtle has been very popular, he knows a great deal about women. I have noticed women who are unattractive in face and figure are never going to be popular. Oddly, women who have nice faces but are fat can be popular, although it is always with short scrawny guys. I do not understand that combination. However, fat women with nice faces have to be friendly, talkative and approachable. That's what makes them popular. The most popular women, as everyone nows, have nice faces, nice ...
Warning! Homos Cruise for Young Boys!
Post Date: 2012-03-17 15:25:11 by Turtle
0 Comments
The Bensonhurst Italian Spelling Bee
Post Date: 2012-03-17 15:09:10 by Jethro Tull
0 Comments
www.funnyordie.com/videos...lling-bee-with-kelly-ripa
Turtle Did This
Post Date: 2012-03-17 15:06:12 by Turtle
1 Comments
Poster Comment:I made this long ago at YouTube. It's got over 46,000 views.
John Carter of Mars!
Post Date: 2012-03-17 13:38:50 by Turtle
26 Comments
Poster Comment:The first novel I ever read was Edgar Rice Burroughs' "A Fighting Man of Mars." Although this is called "John Carter" it is clearly the first novel in the series, "A Princess of Mars." It took a long time for SFX to get this good. And while I rarely go to the movies these days I am going to see this.
Turtle Tries to Time Travel. Didn't Worrk
Post Date: 2012-03-16 15:49:09 by Turtle
20 Comments
I have decided time travel will not work. Let’s say you jump one hour into the future. The earth will have moved, as will have the solar system around the galaxy, and for that matter, the galaxy itself. You’d materialize in space. The same would happen going into the past. As fun as it is to engage in thought experiments in which you meet dinosaurs, or Morlocks and Eloi, in reality it can’t happen. As I’ve pointed out before, teleportation or those Star Trek transporters, wouldn’t work. If you were beamed down on the equator you’d end up a red streak since the earth is spinning about 1000 miles an hour. It appears this space-time continuum stuff prevents ...
Turtle Ponders Teleportation
Post Date: 2012-03-16 13:31:16 by Turtle
7 Comments
I've been thinking about teaching myself how to teleport, but I think there might be some problems. For one, the spin of the earth, which at the equator is about 1000 miles an hour. If I was to teleport from either pole to the equator, I would essentially go from zero miles an hour to 1000 mph. I'd be a long red streak. On the other hand, I could jump from pole to pole, or from the same latitude from either hemisphere, and have no problem. If I was to jump from the equator into space, I'd pop into space doing 1000 mph! The inertia would immediately squish my organs flat. Now, if I was to jump from either pole into space, again, no problem. I could jump from either pole to ...
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