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Latest Articles: All is Vanity
How to Deal with Lunatic Mass Murderers
Post Date: 2011-03-26 11:00:04 by Turtle
15 Comments
School Shooter: BLAM! BLAM ! BLAM! Student: Ohmigod! There's a school shooter outside the door! He's going to break in and shoot all of us! Armed Student: Ain't gonna happen. (Whips out .45 semi-automatic pistol) Liberal Nitwit Student: Hey! It's illegal to carry a handgun! I'm calling the police! Armed Student: Go ahead. The one hundredth call isn't going to make them show up any faster. Female Student: Shut up, you liberal moron or I'll punch you! Liberal Nitwit: Okay. Armed Student (jumping behind door): Don't anyone look at me so he won't know I'm here. School shooter (crashing through door): Ha ha! Everyone up against the wall so I can ...
Turtle’s Encounters with Some Vampires! [Full Thread]
Post Date: 2011-03-23 11:03:56 by Turtle
68 Comments
While there does exist the occasional psycho lunatic who really does drink people’s blood, these people are so rare it’d take several lifetimes to meet one, unless you go out of your way by becoming an FBI profiler. What are much more common are what I’ve heard described as “emotional vampires,” and I’ve met several of these. They’re known as Personality or Character Disorders, and fall under various headings such as Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Personality Disorder. They all have certain traits in common. The main one is: it’s always someone else’s fault. It’s never their fault. This trait has been noticed for ...
We're Here to Liberate You!
Post Date: 2011-03-22 14:33:40 by Turtle
1 Comments
tom 007, It was a tough day today
Post Date: 2011-03-21 20:01:40 by tom007
5 Comments
>Jeez, another tough day on the Costaallerga. Got up early, about nine I guess, fried up some great bacon and Sue brewed up some Veraquez coffee we bot the nite before, and we went for a walk along the bay for a few miles to Barra de Navedid, where Hernando Cortez´z navigator, in 1541 or so built three gallons and sailed thousands of miles to the Phillipenes Islands (sic). Bot a few Estrallas for a buck each at noon, ate some street tacos and watched the boats sail out from the bay in the near perfect climate, may have been a little too hot though, as we both got another beer and Sue had a frozen coffee drink. As we walked through the town we came across a strange little brushy ...
Turtle’s Free Guide to Avoiding Crazy Women
Post Date: 2011-03-21 12:51:09 by Turtle
32 Comments
Some years ago I met a woman who was like no woman I had ever met before. I knew within about three hours there was something quite wrong with her, but I did not know exactly what. I ended up seeing her for a few weeks and in that time came to some conclusions. After much thought, I was able to formulate Turtle’s Guide to Avoiding Crazy Women. The first red flag: if they start talking about how they were sexually abused when younger, stay away. I mean if they start talking about it within the first TEN MINUTES of meeting them. That’s what this woman did, and I realized she was portraying herself as a victim. Then, not too long after the abuse stories, she told me that men are ...
tom007 Mexico bikini count is higher than a Japanese Reactor Cesium 132 radiation count and much more enjoyable...not much of worth follows...
Post Date: 2011-03-20 20:57:55 by tom007
11 Comments
Hey sdomebodys got to do it, andf Farm friend is busy milking the cows or worse, I have learned not to ask too many questions of the farm folks, cause then they may start telling ya. Anyway after ten tough days in Vallarta dealing with the crusie ships folks and the intense party scene, we opted for the georgous little fishing bay of Melaque. And yes your kids are all going to wonder why we didn´t buy some property here in twenty years from now when it will be horrifically valuable. It has been crowded as this weekend is Benito Juarz´s holiday, but tomorrow I do believe the place will be empty. The bay is drop dead beautiful, clean water, as it is a small village, and the ...
Why High School is Bad for Many People
Post Date: 2011-03-17 13:31:47 by Turtle
3 Comments
It’s been many years since I was in high school, but even back then it dawned on me that high school fulfilled the purpose it was designed for – and it was a purpose in which I and many other students were not included. First and foremost, the purpose of high school is to produce athletes, and after that, to produce students who make high grades. It is a sad fact that the word “athlete” means “dumb jock,” and for all practical purposes it’s one word: “dumbjock.” Very few of them could make it as professional athletes, so they joined the military and then became police officers. So, then, one of the main purposes of high school was to produce ...
The Crackpots Who Rule Us
Post Date: 2011-03-16 11:04:06 by Turtle
1 Comments
For many years I have been wondering about the relationship between the rulers and the ruled. With a nod to C. Wright Mills, I have decided many those who gravitate towards the State are merely crackpots. Or as Mills termed them, “crackpot realists.” Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld struck me as prime examples. They appeared to be competent (merely competent) running large corporations. Their expertise didn’t translate into being statesmen. In fact, their marginal abilities to run large corporations (themselves creations of the State) didn’t translate in the slightest into running the government. In those positions they became extremely dangerous. Although I can’t ...
I am a reject. [Full Thread]
Post Date: 2011-03-12 17:21:27 by Armadillo
54 Comments
We're very sorry, but our matching system cannot predict good matches for you. eHarmony's patented matching system was developed after extensive research into marital satisfaction. We use each person's responses to our Relationship Questionnaire to predict the pairings of individuals that are highly likely to result in satisfying long-term relationships, based on what we learned through our research. Unfortunately, based on responses to our questionnaire, we occasionally find situations where our matching system cannot identify high quality compatible matches, and this has happened in your case. Please understand that it is a result of our matching process and in no way reflects ...
The Ending of Turtle's First Novel
Post Date: 2011-03-11 15:40:28 by Turtle
9 Comments
"Shut up, maggot," evilly cackled the sadistic guard as he ground our hero's face into the dirt with his jackboot. "You're only alive because the State wants you alive!"" His evil cackle turned into a terrified shriek as our hero's love -- her brain encased in a nuclear-powered robodog -- used her nose laser to slice through the bars, removed the guard's gonads with her titanium teeth, and then hurled herself through the opposite window. Our hero climbed to his feet, muttered "You fascist pig!" to the guard, now curled unconscious in a fetal position, kicked him in his decaying teeth, scattering them throughout the room, then headed out ...
Turtle's First Novel
Post Date: 2011-03-11 11:34:42 by Turtle
34 Comments
"Shut up, maggot," evilly cackled the sadistic guard as he ground our hero's face into the dirt with his jackboot. "You're only alive because the State wants you alive!" That's the whole novel. I'll write another one tomorrow.
The Shame (It's a Pun!) of Multiculturalism
Post Date: 2011-03-10 10:56:39 by Turtle
1 Comments
The title is a pun. Some years ago I was standing in line in a grocery store. The guy in front of me, who was at the counter, was some Asian guy with an accent, which meant he was an immigrant. He had a cart full of soda cans. They must have been 200 of them. I was mystified why he had so many. The check-out clerks, who were two men who must have been in their 70s, were having some problems with the cans. They were jumbled together in the cart, and many of them were different prices. They were having some difficulty getting everything straight. Then this immigrant said something that amazed me. “You’re treating me like I’m some kind of criminal,” he said bitterly. ...
How Businesses Exploit Workers and Scam Taxpayers
Post Date: 2011-03-09 11:02:40 by Turtle
19 Comments
Some years ago I got, in addition to my full-time job, a part-time job driving a bus for a medical transportation company. I quickly discovered the whole place was a scam exploiting workers and taxpayers. I drove a small bus that transported people in wheelchairs. I transported diabetics with no legs, and cancer patients with no arms. You’d think it’d pay well. It didn’t. It paid nine dollars an hour with no raises and no benefits. None. For the drivers who worked full-time, they made good money only by working ten to twelve hours a day, five to six days a week. After I quit I reported the place to the state departments of labor and of transportation. Rather than pay a ...
22 Things to Teach your Son about Women (or Not)
Post Date: 2011-03-08 15:44:18 by Turtle
4 Comments
The Frisky’s Annika Harris discusses child-rearing plans for her future sons in the article 22 Things to Teach your Son about Women. Ms Harris prefaces her article by stating that she’s at the age when a woman starts to think about having children and she wants to make sure any yet-to-be-conceived male progeny that might pass through her loins do not grow up to be like her oh-so-annoying boyfriends. Ms Harris writes: We’re not mothers yet, but we’re at a point in our lives when we’re thinking about our future families. We know an awful lot about women and how to treat and please ‘em, so we plan to pass that knowledge down to our sons. We hope to rid the male ...
Hooray!!! I'm Rich as Croesus
Post Date: 2011-03-05 12:28:14 by James Deffenbach
2 Comments
Silver in the Hair Gold in the Teeth Crystals in the Kidneys Sugar in the Blood Lead in the Ass Iron in the Arteries And an inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas. I never thought I'd accumulate such wealth.
The Creepiest, Weirdest, Grossest Song Ever
Post Date: 2011-03-03 14:59:37 by Turtle
2 Comments
So, what are you paying for gas today? [Full Thread]
Post Date: 2011-02-23 14:06:37 by Esso
43 Comments
Hey there, goys & gals, I see Ahab the A-rab has raised the price of gas about a quarter or so to $3.369 here in Fort Wayne, the highest in several years, and in the middle of winter too. So, what are you paying? "But Rabbi Essostein, don't jews in New York set the price of oil and gasoline, while still paying Ahab the A-rab, as you call him, the same ten or fifteen dollars per barrel they always have, while pocketing the difference?" "Well Jimmy, while that's technically correct, exposing the truth about the jews is now considered terroristic anti-semitism. I have reported you to the proper authorities and you will be disposed of in an orderly fashion. Thanks ...
Turtle's Experience with Psychiatric Drugs
Post Date: 2011-02-23 11:07:58 by Turtle
0 Comments
Recently I ran across a woman I had known in college. I kept a poker face, but I was horrified. She looked awful, and she had been a very attractive woman. She looked like a drug adddict, like the heroin addicts or alcoholics I've known. Turned out she had been on psychiatric drugs for 25 years. She wasn't the same woman, either. I recognized mabe one-third of her. The rest...I didn't know who she was. These drugs rarely work. I know they are associated with increases in murder/suicide, but I had no idea they would physicaly degrade you and make you look like you're a bag lady. She also told me she still suffers from anxiety and depression...and that was what the drugs ...
A friend of mine was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer today.. [Full Thread]
Post Date: 2011-02-21 17:34:41 by christine
43 Comments
she's only 35 years old. at this point, it's inoperable, so they're beginning chemo on her tomorrow. has anyone heard of a promising alternative treatment?
Two Days with the IRS
Post Date: 2011-02-18 15:39:47 by Turtle
6 Comments
I finally decided to e-file my taxes. The IRS rejected my return, saying they couldn't confirm my identity. I tried to get a PIN online. It said they couldn't confirm my identity. I called. They said I answered the questions wrong. I waited fiften minutes to speak to a supervisor and was disconected. I called back and finally got through. The problem was they had my address as 410 instead of 401. Their fault completely...and it was what caused the whole problem.
Get Rid of College
Post Date: 2011-02-17 11:06:25 by Turtle
18 Comments
A friend of mine who is a podiatrist told me he could teach his entire job in six months. I believe him. A woman I know studying to be a nurse had to drop out – temporarily, she hopes – because she could not pass the algebra course. Why does a nurse need to know algebra? She doesn’t. Algebra doesn’t exist in real life. Another woman told me years ago she became a nurse in ten months. Now a four-year college degree is expected. I could go on, so I will. An old girlfriend, who has an MBA in Accounting and Finance, had to take a calculus course twice to pass it. Does she ever use calculus? No. Will she ever? No. So why did she have to take it? Many college degrees are ...
Survival Strategy Advice Requested
Post Date: 2011-02-13 14:55:09 by Critter
40 Comments
I have a decision upcoming, and I'm finding it difficult to be objective about it. Currently I have 16 acres of unimproved land 1200 miles from here in southern Missouri. The reasons for buying there instead of here in NY were a) price, b) low taxes, c) warmer climate, d) no building codes or zoning laws in effect. My plan was to rent here in NY until ready to retire, all the while, building the homestead of my dreams as time and money allowed. I wanted to own everything free and clear come retirement. However, recent events here are making a move out of the city I am in, into the country nearby, a necessity. I have found two properties, one which I can easily afford, with a small ...
Where's My Flying Car and Disintegrator Pistol?
Post Date: 2011-02-11 11:26:43 by Turtle
18 Comments
I’ve been a little miffed since I was 1 was 12 years old because I didn’t have a flying car, and most especially, a disintegrator ray gun. They existed in the movies, books, and on TV, but as for real life, forget it. I can’t remember the first time I encountered both of them. I do remember a TV program about puppets, called “Fireball 500,” which was off the air before I was born, so I saw the reruns. And everyone in it had flying cars. There were no disintegrator ray guns, unfortunately. I think they had rockets, though. I think the first time I saw a disintegrator pistol was in a pretty bad movie called “Teenagers from Outer Space,” which was also ...
Why Women Should Rule the World
Post Date: 2011-02-06 14:58:36 by Turtle
1 Comments
I think women should rule the world. Now, of course, this can only be done through the force of law, since it goes against human nature, but that’s okay. Human nature, if you’re a leftist, doesn’t matter. Because to them it doesn’t exist! Let’s look at what we’d have to do. First, we’d have to keep men out of influential high-paying jobs that require a lot of education. That can be done with Affirmative Action, which essentially means “white men need not apply.” We’d also have to keep men out of college, which is what is happening these days. Right now there are a lot more women in college than men. This is a good thing. No, it’s a ...
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