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Title: Some Thoughts on Aging
Source:
Forward From My Aunt
URL Source: http://NA
Published: May 14, 2009
Author: Unk.
Post Date: 2009-05-14 12:46:52 by Original_Intent
Keywords: Old, Fart, Laugh, aging
Views: 329
Comments: 11
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied, 'Two years older than me' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented. She responded , 'Hardly worth going home, is it? Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked. She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.' The nice thing about being senile is You can hide your own Easter eggs. I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, So I got my doctor's permission to Join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour But, By the time I got my leotards on, The class was over.. My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. It's scary when you start making the same noises As your coffee maker. These days about half the stuff In my shopping cart says, ' For fast relief.' THE SENILITY PRAYER: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and The eyesight to tell the difference.
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that
Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia ..
Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.
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#1. To: Original_Intent (#0)
That's great I liked that one. I can relate though I still have a few years till I get as bad off as that guy.
thanks Glad you enjoyed. With everything that's going on it's good to stop and enjoy a smile. ;-)
"I think the subject which will be of most importance politically is Mass Psychology...It's importance has been enormously increased by the growth of modern methods of propaganda...Although this science will be diligently studied, it will be rigidly confined to the governing class. The populace will not be allowed to know how its convictions were generated." Bertrand Russel, Eugenicist and Logician
thanks Glad to oblige.
"I think the subject which will be of most importance politically is Mass Psychology...It's importance has been enormously increased by the growth of modern methods of propaganda...Although this science will be diligently studied, it will be rigidly confined to the governing class. The populace will not be allowed to know how its convictions were generated." Bertrand Russel, Eugenicist and Logician
When I was a teenager the police pulled over a 95-year-old driver who was creeping downt the street at five miles an hour. How he still had his license at that age is beyond me. At least he wasn't speeding. Although, maybe in his mind he was. I was in a gas station yesterday and some old gent, must have been 103 and sall dressed up in a suit-and-tie from 1944, had taken all 400 cards out of his wallet and laid them on the counter, trying to find the proper one to pay for his gas. The attendant and I keep looking at each othe trying to keep straight faces.
85 was an eventful year for my grandfather. It was the year he gave up farming - he said the 12 hour days were getting a "little long". It was the same year that his kids got together and took away his Driver's License and wouldn't let him drive anymore. That really pissed him off. My Aunt Grace was still driving at 85 and was a relatively safe driver, who didn't creep along the road. There weren't no moss growing under the wheels of that old Rambler Wagon. However, she did have one disconcerting habit on the road. She had always lived in the country and was used to roads and highways where you would see another car "once in a while". So, when she would pass some slowpoke doing the speed limit she would just stay in the other lane until she had to move back for an oncoming car. This made everyone a little nervous when they rode with her. There wasn't a safety issue really it was just that it just bothered everyone except her to have the thought of being in the oncoming lane. My Grandfather had one other notable achievement at 85 - it was the year he quit smoking - he was afraid it might shorten his life. Must of worked because he lived another 15 years till ten days before his hundredth birthday when he had a kidney explode from an infection. The Doctor at the hospital said it had nothing to do with his age and had he gone to see a Doctor ten dollars worth of antibiotics would have made him right as rain - that it was not an age related issue. Stubborn old goat didn't like doctors and so his stubbornness finally caught up with him.
"I think the subject which will be of most importance politically is Mass Psychology...It's importance has been enormously increased by the growth of modern methods of propaganda...Although this science will be diligently studied, it will be rigidly confined to the governing class. The populace will not be allowed to know how its convictions were generated." Bertrand Russel, Eugenicist and Logician
Just great! Thank you for sharing this one with us. Tremendous story. My Gran and Gramps didn't use tobacco (although my Great-gran did and it finally did her in at 96) but the driving story is exactly the same here. God only knows how many wrecks they may have caused, but they were never involved in a collision.
My Gramps told me that his Uncle Paul live to be 104. Said he always kept a flask in his jacket pocket 'til the day he passed. Must have helped to keep the cold off his bones. Don't drink much myself, but I may start soon.
Join 2x4 Tuesdays & protect your RKBA. Glad you liked. You did set me to wondering about Aunt Grace though. ;-)
"I think the subject which will be of most importance politically is Mass Psychology...It's importance has been enormously increased by the growth of modern methods of propaganda...Although this science will be diligently studied, it will be rigidly confined to the governing class. The populace will not be allowed to know how its convictions were generated." Bertrand Russel, Eugenicist and Logician
Don't forget that smokers have a lower incidence of Alzheimer's Disease, stay mentally active later into their years, and get Parkinson's Disease at 73% the rate of non-smokers. My hero was the last oldest man in America - who at 113 still smoked a Cigar a day, drank Whiskey, and ate greasy food. The oldest woman in France, who passed away late last year or early this year, at 124 still enjoyed an occasional corrosively strong French Cigarette (when the busybodies weren't watching) and drank Vin Rouge (cheap red wine). That outraged one French Doctor - he thought that since she was a "National Treasure" she should be drinking a better grade of wine.
"I think the subject which will be of most importance politically is Mass Psychology...It's importance has been enormously increased by the growth of modern methods of propaganda...Although this science will be diligently studied, it will be rigidly confined to the governing class. The populace will not be allowed to know how its convictions were generated." Bertrand Russel, Eugenicist and Logician
Here's my version of "THE SENILITY PRAYER"... God grant me the good health to live to a ripe old age where I'm too old to care about dying, a sound mind to remember which bastards need to be dealt with, and the aim to do the job properly. Amen.
#2. To: Original_Intent (#0)
good stuff, bump
#3. To: Diana (#1)
#4. To: lodwick (#2)
good stuff, bump
#5. To: Original_Intent (#0)
I still have my driver's license.
Dancing Turtles and Bouncing Boobs
...that's Turtle Island.
#6. To: Turtle, lodwick, all (#5)
#7. To: Original_Intent (#6)
#8. To: lodwick (#7)
www.righttokeepandbeararms.com
#9. To: lodwick (#7)
God only knows how many wrecks they may have caused, but they were never involved in a collision.
#10. To: randge, lodwick (#8)
Don't drink much myself, but I may start soon.
#11. To: Original_Intent (#0)
 | Gold and silver are REAL money, paper is but a promise. |
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