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Title: Best Lawyer Joke Ever...
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Published: May 14, 2009
Author: Lawyer
Post Date: 2009-05-14 22:03:10 by Flintlock
Keywords: None
Views: 337
Comments: 6
The madam opened the brothel door in Las Vegas and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties. 'May I help you sir?' she asked. 'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied. 'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam. 'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied. Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left. The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts.The price was still $5000. Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie,and they went upstairs.After an hour,he left. The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs. After their session, Valerie questioned the man, 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?' she asked. The man replied, ' San Diego '. 'Really', she said. 'I have family in San Diego.' 'I know.' the man said. 'Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.'
Poster Comment: The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
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#1. To: Flintlock (#0)
===================================== Is it just me, or has anybody noticed the number of LAWYERS who have been PRESIDENTS?
Three guys traveling in a car---a lawyer, a Hindu and a Jew.The car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. It's getting dark and the lights of a farm house can be seen in the distance. The three decide to trek to the farm house in hopes that they will be able to stay overnight and tend to the car the next day. They arrive and the farmer explains that he can only put two up in the house and that someone will have to sleep in the barn. The Hindu fellow volunteers and everyone heads to their respective sleeping place. After everyone has reached a deep sleep there is a commotion at the front door. They all go to the door to find the Hindu fellow. He explains that he wasn't aware that there was a cow in the barn and for religious reasons didn't feel right in the barn. The Jewish fellow tells him to take his bed inside and that he will sleep in the barn. Again, they all retire to a deep sleep to be awakened by another commotion at the door. They arrive to find the Jewish fellow at the door who explains that he wasn't aware that there was a pig in the barn and for religious reasons he couldn't sleep there. The lawyer, who is exhausted at this point, says that he must get some sleep and that he would sleep in the barn. Off they all go and before long they are all in a deep slumber. They are awakened again by an even greater commotion at the front door and all rush to investigate. When they open the door, there's the cow and the pig.
25 of the 42 presidents were lawyers. The U.S. has seen 43 presidencies, but only 42 presidents -- Grover Cleveland was elected to two non-consecutive terms. Feb. 2009: As there have now been 44 presidents, and one of them (B. Obama) is a lawyer, the number above should increase by one. This assumes the # above is correct. It would have been nice if the answer included the names of those identified as lawyers. Because Bill Clinton (Pres. #42) was a lawyer, I am assuming the person who answered this question above included him in that figure. Geo. W. Bush was not an attorney, so we skip to Obama.
The smooth criminal transition from Bush/Cheney to Obama
that made me laugh out loud.
The smooth criminal transition from Bush/Cheney to Obama
Lawyer (n): Larval stage of Politician Here's the best lawyer joke: A woman goes to a psychologist and tells him, "I've got this problem and I don't don't understand...I really like to be sodomizied!" The doctor tells her, "It's no big deal. How do you think lawyers get born?" When I was told that joke, I added, "Too bad all lawyers don't have tapered heads, do you can recognize them on the street." Turtle cracks himself up a lot of the time. And lots of other people, too.
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
#2. To: Flintlock (#0)
#3. To: HAPPY2BME-4UM (#1)
wiki.answers.com/Q/How_ma...sidents_have_been_lawyers
#4. To: Rube Goldberg (#2)
#5. To: Flintlock (#0)
what happens to a lawyer when he takes Viagra?
He grows taller!
~ tis better to live as your own man, than as a fool in someone elses dream ~
#6. To: Flintlock (#0)
Dancing Turtles and Bouncing Boobs
...that's Turtle Island.
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