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Title: ex and the modern girl: Are we witnessing a new age of female sexual assertiveness?
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Published: Jul 4, 2009
Author: Charlotte Philby
Post Date: 2009-07-04 18:45:22 by tom007
Keywords: None
Views: 289
Comments: 23
Sex and the modern girl: Are we witnessing a new age of female sexual assertiveness? By Charlotte Philby Saturday, 4 July 2009 * Share The Independent Close Judging by the booming numbers attending parties such as tonight's - Killing Kittens alone boasts 6,500 members, 70 per cent of whom are women - we are witnessing something of a sexual revolution. ALAMY Judging by the booming numbers attending parties such as tonight's - Killing Kittens alone boasts 6,500 members, 70 per cent of whom are women - we are witnessing something of a sexual revolution. * Photos enlarge Paloma lives in the basement of a tall, regal-looking building on a smart street in west London. Hers is a spacious studio flat with a neat patio area, just big enough for a potted herb garden and wrought-iron table with matching chairs. Inside, the living quarters feature buffed wooden floorboards and neutral walls; there are rows of reference books, Penguin Classics, National Geographic and Vogue. Below these, taking centre stage on the mantelpiece, is a framed graduation photograph. It's nothing extraordinary, just a typical post-ceremony portrait of a slightly startled looking twentysomething with a fixed grin, clutching a rolled certificate. But in its present context, the image of Paloma with chestnut ringlets spilling erratically from under a mortarboard is somewhat incongruous. For today – some five years later – almost directly below where the photo stands, the former Economic History student is squatting in the middle of her living room carpet, rummaging through a suitcase stuffed with lace garters, feathered face masks and beaded nipple tassels. Paloma pulls out a silver sequin suspender belt which she hoiks over faded denim jeans: "What do you think?" she teases, giving a flamboyant twirl. Her friend Camilla, a long, sinewy creature who is curled up on the sofa, looks up briefly: "I think you'll be the belle of the ball, babe," she purrs, before returning her attention to painting her fingernails. Related articles * More Love & Sex Articles Moments later, the doorbell rings. "That'll be the girls!" shouts Paloma, as she skips off down the hallway before returning with Claire, a smartly dressed brunette, and Bianca, an elfin figure with long auburn hair. "Sorry we're late!" they coo, offloading a bottle of rosé and a bag of deli snacks in the kitchen. "There was an absolute disaster in the office last night!" Claire announces: "So I didn't get home until the early hours and had absolutely no time to think about what to wear!" Bianca smiles. "I wouldn't worry about that babe," she replies with a wink. "You're new to this, but I can tell you that if past experience is anything to go by, it won't be long until it all comes off again!" The women break into giggles and Claire gives a conciliatory shrug: "Better have a glass of wine in that case," she grins, and heads off in search of a corkscrew. Tonight, it transpires, is something of an initiation for Claire, who, at 32, is the oldest of the four. For the first time, she will join the rest of her friends at what has become one of the most important nights in their social diary: a Killing Kittens party, an unusual private-members' event where, in the words of its organisers, "the sole aim is the pursuit of female sexual pleasure". According to Paloma, who is something of an old-timer (this will be her fifth party), if the event is a success, after an hour or two of cocktails and outrageous flirting, the gathering will turn into an orgy. It won't take long to find out. But before we do, there is some serious preening, plucking and wine-drinking to be done, and while the girls prepare excitedly for the night ahead, they are eager to explain why attractive young career women such as themselves choose to spend their Saturday nights seeking out no-holds-barred group sex. "I know that for some people the idea is hard to grasp," Paloma begins. "But for me it makes perfect sense." At 28, Paloma has a successful career in the City, which often keeps her at her desk from 7am until 11pm; the toll on her social life can be heavy and means she has limited time to dedicate to forging a meaningful relationship. But not having a boyfriend, she insists, shouldn't mean having to forfeit her sex life: "I've always had a strong libido," she says, "and with a high-powered job to contend with, I find sex is an amazing way to unwind." Not that she isn't interested in finding a partner in the long term. On the contrary. Getting married and having children is a priority. Paloma's own parents have been married for 29 years, and the secret of their relationship, she says, is that they both waited until they found the right person. "Many women get involved in unsatisfactory relationships just because they believe that any companionship is better than none. But that is not what I want for myself. I want to wait until I meet the right man, and when I do, I'll concentrate my efforts on making our relationship last." Until then, she says, she will continue to ensure that she still gets her thrills, whenever and however she wants. And it seems she's not alone. Judging by the booming numbers attending parties such as tonight's – Killing Kittens alone boasts 6,500 members, 70 per cent of whom are women – we are witnessing something of a sexual revolution, or at the very least, a new age of female sexual assertiveness. According to the Adult Industry Trade Association, a record number of sex toys were sold in the UK last year – the majority to young women. Of the £100m-worth of toys bought, the biggest grossers – by a long stretch – at outlets such as Ann Summers, Love Honey, Myla and sextoys.co.uk, were hand-held vibrators, designed for women to use on their own, or with their partner. Whereas a few years ago, the mere mention of a Rampant Rabbit would elicit uncomfortable squeals, today high-end vibrators – some made of gold and costing hundreds of pounds – are treated as ornamental treasures to be displayed and celebrated, not hidden away in a drawer. One wonders what the physician who invented the "manipulator" in 1870 – a steam-powered dildo used by doctors to relieve symptoms of "hysteria" in women – would make of this trend. "I'd love to see his face," says Paloma. "If only he'd known what he was starting!" On a more serious note, Paloma says that the widespread availability and popularity of vibrators has helped to normalise discussions about the female libido. This, she believes, is very empowering. "Like when Kate Moss was spotted buying a vibrator in New York. It's only a small thing really, but it helps show men and women that it's OK to take charge of your sex life, and that helps other women realise they are normal for having a healthy sex drive." Two bottles and much preening later, the now somewhat inebriated gaggle arrives at the allotted venue for tonight's party, a discreet private mansion in central London. It is 10pm and outside there is little sign of life, but behind an imposing front door, some 200 revellers are getting into the spirit of the occasion. Once inside, it becomes clear why the girls feel so at home here. Like them, 70 per cent of the clientele are female, well-educated and conventionally good looking. The few men in attendance shuffle about, forming feeble packs – safety in numbers, one imagines, for this is a place where they constitute the submissive gender, and they know it. Men can't even attend these events without a female chaperone, and once there, they are forbidden from making any kind of advance. So until they get an invite to "come and play" from a "kitten", they have to stand on the sidelines and watch the action unfolding. We arrive to a surprisingly tame scene. Downstairs, the champagne flows freely while revellers exchange polite, even wary, niceties. Some of the groups, quite clearly new to this, seem unwilling to commit to a conversation with their new acquaintances in case they are, according to some private code, verbally contracting themselves to the other group. But it appears they needn't have worried – for when the party gets going, it becomes a free-for-all. It takes a while to find this out, however. For the first hour or two, you might even forget the reason why you're here. Apart from a couple of topless young women, who could be escapees from a frisky college party, the vibe is low-key – a bit of dancing, a little flirtatious banter, but not much more. And then, like something from a vampire movie, at 1am almost to the second, this subdued affair transforms surprisingly quickly into a full-blown orgy. By the time I return to the main upstairs salon – in which a huge pile of adjoining mattresses, overlooked by a floor-to-ceiling mirror, is placed tellingly in the middle of the room – the walls are lined with couples and huddles of women, all looking on eagerly as some 20 bodies (male and female) get to it. There are threesomes, foursomes and indecipherable groupings in the throes of various intimate acts, some having full-blown sex, either oblivious to or spurred on by their audience. Sometimes it's hard to tell where one group stops and the next begins. More and more of those on the sidelines begin to slide into the pile, without any obvious invitation, and no one seems willing to turn down anyone who wants to get involved. (It's hard to tell how widely condoms are being used, but I did notice a basket of them by the front door.) As I make my escape, I catch a conversation by the ground-floor stairway: a naked woman, recently returned from the bedroom, addresses an apprehensive-looking friend: "Why don't you just come upstairs?" she asks her reassuringly. "If you feel like getting involved, that's great, but if you don't, that's cool too." The pair join hands and move towards the stairs. I later tell Paloma that the whole affair has left me feeling a little unsettled. But it shouldn't, she insists: "Whether or not you personally agree with what happened is sort of by-the-by. The point is that we acknowledge that a lot of women have the same desires as men and should have the chance to explore them." It is the acceptance that women have needs and desires that lies at the heart of what Paloma insists is a new sexual outlook. If we continue to be shocked by women going to sex parties, or using vibrators, then we are doing the female population a disservice. "This is supposed to be a progressive, liberated society," she argues. "And yet some people still insist on making women feel like social pariahs if they admit to enjoying an orgasm. I think it's about time we faced up to the fact that some women just enjoy sex. Is that really so hard to believe?"
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#1. To: tom007 (#0)
In other words being a shameless slut is "in".
"I think the subject which will be of most importance politically is Mass Psychology...It's importance has been enormously increased by the growth of modern methods of propaganda...Although this science will be diligently studied, it will be rigidly confined to the governing class. The populace will not be allowed to know how its convictions were generated." Bertrand Russel, Eugenicist and Logician
I just listened to Texe Marrs interview Henry Makow for an hour and I shudder to think what he (or Texe, for that matter) would say about this.
“I would give no thought of what the world might say of me, if I could only transmit to posterity the reputation of an honest man.” - Sam Houston
Its been "in" for years now.
Click for Privacy and Preparedness files
Thats a lie. But they know this. They just like to frame the argument in terms favorable to them.
Click for Privacy and Preparedness files
How much is a ticket to Heathrow?
I am with you. One of the problems I believe the Arabs societies have is an excessive repressive POV of sexuality. And the crazed Christian communities, some at least, here in the US are not very different, with similar human pathos. For example Arabian, or even Islamic male homosexuality, seems to be a tremendous issue in the urban areas because of the, in my view, unnatural condemnation of females sexual satisfactions. It is a sensitive issue that both the west and especially the Islamic east is in able to address. The ability of the Christian communities to harness the energy of the human sexual needs and infect that with guilt and shame has been, in my view, a powerful way for the religious establishment to cement their power over their victims.
"Satan / Cheney in "08" If you control food and reproduction, you control the people.
Absolutely correct. That's why we southeron baptists don't dance - someone might think that we're screwing. It is not scriptural, or even common sensical.
Ha - from my direct experience that is saved for the choir leader and the Sunday school teacher on the pews Saturday morning. Hope Arkansas First Baptist Church circa 1972.
"Satan / Cheney in "08" Similar thing - It was the chairman of the board of deacons, and the 'organ' player that the preacher surprised. What a mess.
Seems he spewed a lot of gospel that morning.
"Satan / Cheney in "08" It is whatever they want to do; but, based on the ages given--late twenties and early thirty, I believe, rather than sex, it is more desperation because they have lost their bloom. The facts are that a woman's desirability peaks in their late teens and very early twenties. It might peak at age 16 if society didn't disapprove. After that it is all down hill. Certainly, some men prefer older women and forty year old men date women in their thirties. However, that is because, as a general rule with plenty of exception people can always point to, most pretty young women will not give them the time of day.
There is a French commentary that women only become interesting after the age of 35. Even as a 20 year old I heartily concurred as I have always preferred women to girls. However, I think you have a point - desperation and even a few feminist writers have commented to the effect that the Feminist Movement has led women into a blind alley. That is that while a career can be fulfilling on one level it is not sufficient unto itself. Money is no substitute for love, and neither is casual sex. Casual sex can be fun, but it is like junk food - unbalanced and lacking sustenance for the spirit. Sex with someone you care for and about is a completely different plane than casual gratification of biologic urges however much fun it might be. Promiscuity is ultimately a dead end and some of the most unhappy people I've met, and often untrustworthy, are very promiscuous. Sex is only one part of existence and without balance it becomes just another habit.
"I think the subject which will be of most importance politically is Mass Psychology...It's importance has been enormously increased by the growth of modern methods of propaganda...Although this science will be diligently studied, it will be rigidly confined to the governing class. The populace will not be allowed to know how its convictions were generated." Bertrand Russel, Eugenicist and Logician
Like I stated there are lots of exceptions and your being an exception probably means you think rather than being ruled by your DNA. The fact is that modern times are a flash in the pan compared to our evolutionary history. Therefore, we still have our Stone Age brains and Stone Age DNA still rules the behavior of most people. In evolution, the wining strategy is to produce the most decedents. During the Stone Age that meant the winning strategy for men was to mate with the best baby producers. That was young women as older ones could not produce as well, had less strength and stamina, and often did not live long enough to raise her children. DNA doesn't think as such but it does dictate behavior. Men that selected young women, mostly teens over older women, to mate with are our ancestors. That may not be applicable in modern times but most men are ruled by their DNA and not their thinking brain.
Hahahaha ... The host of this site has the patience of a saint ... and I'm sure there are many here that might question your "facts".
Resolve to serve no more, and you are at once freed. I do not ask that you place hands upon the tyrant to topple him over, but simply that you support him no longer; then you will behold him, like a great Colossus whose pedestal has been pulled away, fall of his own weight and break in pieces. De La Boétie
Unless it leads to the maternity ward, the short answer is: No.
“However weak the individual white man, his ancestors produced the greatness of Europe; however strong the individual black, his ancestors never lifted themselves from the darkness of Africa.” -- Carlton Putnam
Provided they never open their mouths.
“However weak the individual white man, his ancestors produced the greatness of Europe; however strong the individual black, his ancestors never lifted themselves from the darkness of Africa.” -- Carlton Putnam
I'm sure there are many here that might question your "facts". My facts are a general rule applicable to most but not all men. Obviously most older women and men that cannot attract young women will question my facts because, for them, the truth is too unpleasant. Especially women believe that by denying facts they make them untrue.
It seem to me that older women are even more prone to opening their mouths than young women. But maybe not as both younger and older women chatter much.
What bullshit. What facts are you quoting? None. Just like farmfriend, you got your head stuck right up jour ass.
"This is suspicious at best. Sounds like a bunch of nutty conspiracy theorists, or, as others have pointed out, a government program to find nutty conspiracy theorists who could be dangerous."
You are in denial. But it doesn't change the facts.
Well done.
Law Enforcement Against Prohibition
Thanks.
"I think the subject which will be of most importance politically is Mass Psychology...It's importance has been enormously increased by the growth of modern methods of propaganda...Although this science will be diligently studied, it will be rigidly confined to the governing class. The populace will not be allowed to know how its convictions were generated." Bertrand Russel, Eugenicist and Logician
#2. To: tom007 (#0)
(Edited)
#3. To: Original_Intent (#1)
#4. To: tom007 (#0)
If we continue to be shocked by women going to sex parties, or using vibrators, then we are doing the female population a disservice. "This is supposed to be a progressive, liberated society," she argues. "And yet some people still insist on making women feel like social pariahs if they admit to enjoying an orgasm.
#5. To: tom007. anyone (#0)
#6. To: lodwick (#5)
How much is a ticket to Heathrow?
#7. To: tom007 (#6)
The ability of the Christian communities to harness the energy of the human sexual needs and infect that with guilt and shame has been, in my view, a powerful way for the religious establishment to cement their power over their victims.
#8. To: tom007 (#6)
The ability of the Christian communities to harness the energy of the human sexual needs and infect that with guilt and shame has been, in my view, a powerful way for the religious establishment to cement their power over their victims.
#9. To: lodwick, deadon benjaman (#8)
That's why we southeron baptists don't dance - someone might think that we're screwing.
#10. To: tom007 (#9)
#11. To: lodwick (#10)
#12. To: tom007 (#0)
#13. To: DWornock, tom007 (#12)
#14. To: Original_Intent (#13)
#15. To: DWornock (#12)
The facts are that a woman's desirability peaks in their late teens and very early twenties. It might peak at age 16 if society didn't disapprove. After that it is all down hill.
#16. To: tom007 (#0)
#17. To: DWornock (#12)
The facts are that a woman's desirability peaks in their late teens and very early twenties.
#18. To: noone222 (#15)
The facts are that a woman's desirability peaks in their late teens and very early twenties. It might peak at age 16 if society didn't disapprove. After that it is all down hill.
#19. To: Prefrontal Vortex (#17)
Provided they never open their mouths.
#20. To: DWornock, Farmfriend (#12)
The facts are that a woman's desirability peaks in their late teens and very early twenties.
#21. To: Clitora (#20)
#22. To: Original_Intent, redpanther (#13)
#23. To: IndieTX (#22)
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