[Home] [Headlines] [Latest Articles] [Latest Comments] [Post] [Sign-in] [Mail] [Setup] [Help]
Status: Not Logged In; Sign In
|
Pious Perverts See other Pious Perverts Articles Title: The Wangdangdoodle Telephone Company Me: Beep beep boop boop. Computer-generated female voice: Hello. Welcome to the Wangdangdoodle Cellular Phone Company. If you would like to activate your phone, please type in the 16-digit number on the back of your box, that begins with XEM. Me: Beep beep boop boop. Voice: I heard 'beep beep boop boop.' Is this correct? Me: Yes. Voice: I'm sorry, I didn't understand you. Me: YES! Voice: Did you say 'Yes'? Me: YES! Voice: Please type in the 14-digit number on the back of your box that begins with '618'. Me: Beep beep boop boop. Voice: I heard 'beep beep boop boop.' Is that correct? Me: YES! Voice: Thank you. Could you please say your address? Me: 1313 Mockingbird Lane. Voice: I heard '417 Eiler.' Is that correct? Me: NO! Voice: Could you say your address? Me: 1313 Mockingbird Lane. Voice: I heard '3978 Grand Avenue.' Is this correct? Me: NO! Voice: Please hold while I transfer your call. (Muzak version of "Feelings.") Me: Yech. Another computer-generated female voice: Please type in your cellular phone number. Me: I don't have a cellular phone number. That's why I'm calling. Why am I telling you this? You're a computer. You don't understand a word I'm saying. I thought advanced technology was supposed to make our lives easier! Damned cosmodemonic transnational megacorporations! They're almost as bad as the government! Hell, they're PART of the government! Voice: I'm sorry, I didn't understand you. Could you please say your cellular phone number? Me: (silence) Voice: Thank you for calling Wangdangdoodle Cellular Phone Company. Goodbye. Me: Beep beep boop boop. Voice: Hello. Welcome to the Wangdangdoodle Cellular Phone Company. If you would like to activate your phone, please type in the 16-digit number on the back of your box, that begins with XEM. Me: Beep beep boop boop. Voice: I heard 'beep beep boop boop.' Is this correct? Me: YES! Voice: Please hold while I transfer your call. (Muzak version of Bobby Goldsboro's "Watching Scotty Grow.") Me: Blech. Disembodied Indian Accent: Hello, my name is Angelique, and I am a blond, 16-year-old cheerleader dressed in a see-through nightie! Would you like to masturbate while I fulfull your sexual fantasies? It's only five dollars a minute. Me: Too much. No, wait, I mean I'm calling about my cellular phone! Accent: Hee hee! I am sporting such a blushing! I believe this is what you Americans call wires that are crossed! I most apologize! Let us try this again! My name is Hadji, I mean Greg! What is your cellular phone number, please? Me: I don't have one. I was trying to activate my phone, but the system messed up my address and them connected me to a system that disconnected me. When I called back again and tried to activate my phone, it transferred me to you. Accent: I see. I'll have to connect you to Customer Service. (Muzak version of Goldsboro's "Honey.") Me: Two Bobby Goldsboro songs in a row. American Accent: Could you please tell me your cellular phone number? Me: I don't have one. The system messed up and connected me to you. American accent: I'll have to transfer you to Pre-pay. (Muzak version of "Love Will Keep Us Together.") Me: Well, I at least kinda like this one. Another Disembodied American Accent: Could I please have your cellular phone number? Me: I don't have one. The system messed up my address and connected me to you. American Accent: I see. I'll have to connect you to Customer Service. Me: I was just there. They transferred me to you. American Accent: I understand. I don't have access to the information you want, so you'll have to call back during business hours. Me: Sure. American Accent: Thank you. Goodbye. NEXT DAY Me: Beep beep boop boop. Computer-generated female voice: Hello. Welcome to the Wangdangdoodle Cellular Phone Company. If you would like to activate your phone, please type in the 16-digit number on the back of your box, that begins with XEM. Me: Ah, shit! (Beep beep beep boop) Female voice: Your new number will come through on your phone's screen in several seconds! Me: Cool! Phone: (Tinny version of Dan Hill's "Sometime When We Touch") Me: Sonofabitch! That's the ringtone?! ARGH! (Sound of smashing, very similar to Bluto smashing the guy's guitar in Animal House.) Smoking phone: Sometimes when we touch...the honesty's too much... Me: ARRRGGHHH!!!
Poster Comment: A true story.
Post Comment Private Reply Ignore Thread Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest Begin Trace Mode for Comment # 2.
#2. To: Turtle (#0)
The only thing worse is a "hindu" named "Nicole" that tells you repeatedly that she understands and will correct your bill ... berry quickly, and never does.
There are no replies to Comment # 2. End Trace Mode for Comment # 2.
Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest |
||
|
[Home]
[Headlines]
[Latest Articles]
[Latest Comments]
[Post]
[Sign-in]
[Mail]
[Setup]
[Help]
|
||