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Editorial See other Editorial Articles Title: Things Only a Democrat Could Believe • To destroy private and public property (forcing the city of Seattle to overspend half of its budget on this instead of public projects) to show your disgust at capitalism is right and noble. To show up at town hall meetings and yell at Democrats because you think they will bankrupt the country is a disgraceful radical act. • When Bush brings the deficit to 700 billion he is spending our money like a drunken sailor. When Obama brings it to 1 trillion he is just a mindful leader saving our economy while addressing inequalities of our society. • When Bush brings Evangelicals to the White House he is a religious zealot. When Obama brings an Evangelical to his inauguration he is just a common sense middle of the road American • To have President Bush elected in a contested election is proof of corruption and lack of transparency (even after we know that the controversial recounts would show the same result). To have a governor elected by 129 votes (out of 2.7 million) or a senator that was confirmed only after 6 recounts (and was losing until the 4th) is completely normal and shows the strength of Democracy. • When Clinton, Gore and all major Democrats called Saddam the biggest threat in the world and bombed the country repeatedly they were wise statesmen. When Bush went to war for the same reasons he was a loony dictator. • To create a national scandal about a Republican congressman that supposedly sent sex messages to congressional pages (in the end Foley was not even criminally charged) is fair politics. To go after a Democrat congressman who accepted more than 400k in bribes and had 90k stashed in his freezer is racism and partisan witch hunt. • To make any mistake when justifying a war is an unforgivable offense that should be treated as a crime against humanity. To lie about the possibility of ending a war is just a fair political game. • To call some allies “Old Europe” is a major diplomacy blunder. To give the Queen of England an iPod with your speeches in it or to bow before the King of Saudi Arabia is pure creative genius. • To torture the admittedly mastermind of 9/11 is really bad. Unless you are Jack Bauer. Ah, and if other countries are torturing we are ok with that too. • Rich people are horrible. Even the Cuban revolution was ok because you know, in the end all they did was to get rid of the ugly rich and choose a nice attorney to lead them! The only good rich people are we of course and our Hollywood brethren. It is no coincidence that they are our serfs. • We love our Liberal Lions. Even when they have a weird family history of liking dictators like Hitler and Chavez. Oh, we have another one who loved the KKK, but he is so old we kind of forget about that. • To call Bush the devil, monkey or stupid is the civil right of any right thinking American. To make any remark about Obama or any Black Democrat is a racist crime. • When Bush says marriage is between a man and a woman he is showing how backwards and bigoted he is. When Obama says the same thing we don’t quite believe it. • When Republicans cheat on their wives they are hypocrites that should leave office immediately. When Democrats don’t pay taxes they are just human. If you are a black Democrat we won’t even care if you clearly lied in your tax returns – you got to have at least 90k on your fridge to be in any sort of trouble. • Soldiers dying in Iraq show that the war is a disgrace and we are stuck in a lost war. Soldiers dying in Afghanistan show that we fight for our beliefs and victory is just a matter of strategy. • We are an incredibly backwards nation because we don’t have a health care system like Switzerland’s. We are also an incredibly backwards nation because we do have a gun policy much like Switzerland’s. • To challenge Obama’s birth certificate makes you a disgrace to your party. To challenge Bush’s National Guard service or Sarah Palin’s son legitimacy makes you a concerned citizen.
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#5. To: garlic pie (#0)
If you believe killing your baby is just birth control but cutting down a tree for lumber is a crime you just might be a Democrat. If you believe forced service to the State, called "National Service", is a great idea and you think that the Draft is unjust then you might be a Democrat. If you believe that it is OK to oppress one part of the population to support another that does not really want to work then you might be a Democrat. If you believe that tree spiking and a sit-in at a logging site is a heroic act but that a peaceful protest at an Abortuary is a criminal infringement upon "the right to choose" then you just might be a Democrat. Hey! This is fun. I bet that all the D's would just love this game.
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