media baffled.
(AP) Over the thanksgiving weekend, Tiger Woods did stuff. A lot of people got worked up, but hardly anyone at at all with real tires and a truck that could actually drive over shit noticed. Often, they gathered at 'filling stations' and places where stuff meant shit, but no one at all bothered to whine about some half breed mongrel golf faggot when they could hardly afford the price to fill up with gas, much less mollify their angry, dissatisfied fishwife.
It was wrong, for sure, but even Jesse Jackson was reported to whine incoherently, "yes."
News outlets everywhere tried to inflate events to match the demands of their impotent editors, but even then, their children wept openly at the sight of barren Christmas trees and the despair of having surfed down the birth canals of their entitlement minded mothers.
Later, men with AK-47's stepped out of a parade of Santa's and gave everyone huge government checks before shooting them in the face and then reloading, dumping inflammable solutions of jet fuel based fluid and setting them aflame.
A parade then moved down Main Street and nearly everyone shit in their hats and strangled all the stray cats with their shoelaces.