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Title: Americans Now Too Stupid To Chew Food
Source:
Telegraph
URL Source: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/wor ... -to-reduce-choking-hazard.html
Published: Feb 23, 2010
Author: Nick Allen
Post Date: 2010-02-23 21:09:10 by Esso
Keywords: This, is, not, satire
Views: 304
Comments: 22
Hot dog 'must be redesigned to reduce choking hazard' It is one of America's greatest fast food favourites but now doctors have declared the humble hot dog a choking risk to children. By Nick Allen in Los Angeles Published: 7:00AM GMT 23 Feb 2010 The respected American Academy of Paediatrics is calling for sweeping changes in the way hot dogs are designed and labelled to minimise the chances of youngsters dying. Every year food-related choking kills up to 77 children in the US and up to 15,000 more are treated in emergency rooms. About 17 per cent of the food-related chokings are caused by hot dogs, according to a report by the academy. It wants to see the shape of hot dogs "redesigned" to stop them lodging in children's throats. The academy said: "Food manufacturers should design new foods, and redesign existing foods, including meat products, to avoid shapes, sizes, texture and other characteristics that increase choking risk to children." Lead report author Gary Smith, director of the Center for Injury Research and Policy at Nationwide Children's Hospital in Columbus, Ohio, told USA Today: "If you were to take the best engineers in the world and try to design the perfect plug for a child's airway, it would be a hot dog." "I'm a paediatric emergency doctor, and to try to get them out once they're wedged in, it's almost impossible." The academy also said other high-risk foods including raw carrots, grapes and apples, should be cut into pea-sized pieces for small children. Other risky foods included marshmallows and peanut butter which could form a "tenacious seal" in a child's airway. US federal law requires choking warning labels on certain toys including small balls, balloons and games with small parts. Unless food makers voluntarily put more warning labels on high-risk foods, there should be a similar mandate for food, the academy said.
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#1. To: Esso (#0)
We need to feed more hotdogs to the masses. If you choke to death, it's natural selection doing its job. If you die from Cancer, again, it's natural selection doing its job.
It is better to be hated for what you are, than loved for what you are not. - Tommy The Mad Artist.
If it's tiny tots choking before learning to chew then it's parents who are dummies.
The bottom line is Uhhmerkkins are devolving into functional retards too stupid to eat, let alone do something as complicated as driving a car, hence the "Demon-possessed Toyota" problem. Primary causes: Brain damage via vaccines (Autism, homosexuality, stupidity) It is not a matter of safety, but it is a agenda to remove all symbols of american culture from the public's view. Of course, a number of people here would rather cut off their noses to spite their faces than to agree with me.
Might have known it. The fedgov didn't tell us which WAY to cut the Hot Dogs! Cut it Long ways, or Cross ways? Or cut it BOTH ways? Danged feds............... NOW what do we do?
I'm glad you asked that. I think the article makes the solution clear. First, we need to enact some strict new food control laws restricting the manufacture/sale of processed food to pea- sized pieces. Second, we need an all-encompassing enforcement agency set up to restrict the cooking/growing of food larger than the mandatory pea-sized pieces. Afterall, like the article itimates, carrots, pickle cucumbers, cherry tomatoes, etc, were designed by engineers to kill children. Third, we must be prepared to strengthen the food control laws from pea-sized pieces to to a runny paste dispensed from metered devices to ensure that no one can get too much goo in their mouth at one time. Finally, we'll need to integrate the food dispensing devices into the contol grid so that we can't just be eating willy- nilly, only our minders know for sure what we need/deserve at any given time. No measure is too severe, no cost is too high. We must end this kiddycaust NOW!
This is a travesty, American children should have the right to live long enough to defend us from Iraqi invaders.
"If you think 9/11 "truth" is on the brink of wide acceptance you are in for a huge disappointment" - Mister Clean 02/22/10
Fear not, Esso.......I have a plan to stop this aweful kiddycaust right now. We must hire millions of people to pre-chew the food for the kiddies, then have them regurgitate and package the pre-chewed food for the kiddies. This plan will put millions of unemployed back to work chewing and regurgitating this economy back into shape.
"The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. ... We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of." Edward Bernays, Father of Public Relations
I hear your zipperhead gumbo puree is to die for.
Can I have that job!!!!???? Huh? Huh? I got an 8th grade education! Just like all the other guvernment officials.
Sorry, I can never remember where the wiggle-squiggle goes.
I usually hold down the alt key and start punching in numbers in the 160 - 190 range, but this forum seems locked into some crazed printable characters paradigm.
"If you think 9/11 "truth" is on the brink of wide acceptance you are in for a huge disappointment" - Mister Clean 02/22/10
Of course, a number of people here would rather cut off their noses to spite their faces than to agree with me. Nah. They'd rather cut off YOUR nose.
"One of the least understood strategies of the world revolution now moving rapidly toward its goal is the use of mind control as a major means of obtaining the consent of the people who will be subjects of the New World Order." K.M. Heaton, The National Educator
Shhh, we're running an experiment here, PaulCJ is clearly our victim.
"If you think 9/11 "truth" is on the brink of wide acceptance you are in for a huge disappointment" - Mister Clean 02/22/10
Mum's the word. Oh, and do you think Linda Lovelace is a hot dog fan?
"One of the least understood strategies of the world revolution now moving rapidly toward its goal is the use of mind control as a major means of obtaining the consent of the people who will be subjects of the New World Order." K.M. Heaton, The National Educator
Cold porridge, hardtack, and plain old water for everybody!!!!
_________________________________________________________________________ last i heard of linda she was screaming about being exploited, but aren't we all? Us CT'ers must be all voodoo'd up to be able to put the bite on the neocons the way we do, otherwise they wouldn't jump every time we say boo. They need to learn the difference between religion and real estate law. Boo!
"If you think 9/11 "truth" is on the brink of wide acceptance you are in for a huge disappointment" - Mister Clean 02/22/10
Picture this though: "Hi I'm Linda Lovelace for Ballpark Franks. I've always been fond of Frank's and these are great because they plump when you err, uhm, yeah, cook'em. ...". The NeoTrotskyCons have had me on their "**** list* for a while now. My mom is soooo proud. However, they are under the delusion that because they control the major media, and most of the politicians on both sides of the alleged aisle, that they can keep a lid on it forever. "But it still keeps BEATING." "One of the least understood strategies of the world revolution now moving rapidly toward its goal is the use of mind control as a major means of obtaining the consent of the people who will be subjects of the New World Order." K.M. Heaton, The National Educator
delusional... :)
"If you think 9/11 "truth" is on the brink of wide acceptance you are in for a huge disappointment" - Mister Clean 02/22/10
I suppose if we can't muster up the brain power to eat a hot dog without chokin' to death, we probably shouldn't be driving anymore either. RVs are out for sure. And power tools.
We'll prolly all need helper mensches. Good business to go into.
"If you think 9/11 "truth" is on the brink of wide acceptance you are in for a huge disappointment" - Mister Clean 02/22/10
President Pelosi has announced that there will be beaucoup bucks in the new stimulus bill for the new food design industry as well as the solar panel and windmill blade industries. Prosperity is just around the corner.
Turning and turning in the widening gyre The falcon cannot hear the falconer; Things fall apart; the center cannot hold; Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world, The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere The ceremony of innocence is drowned; The best lack all conviction, while the worst Are full of passionate intensity. .... Yeats
#2. To: TommyTheMadArtist (#1)
#3. To: Tatarewicz, TommyTheMadArtist, all (#2)
Government controlled schools
Water fluoridation
TeeVee
Mike Flaherty: Yeah, it's been there a long time. I wish I knew which corner.
My Man Godfrey (1936)
#4. To: Esso (#0)
(Edited)
#5. To: Esso (#0)
#6. To: ndcorup, christine, Lod, Jethro Tull, all (#5)
(Edited)
NOW what do we do?
Mike Flaherty: Yeah, it's been there a long time. I wish I knew which corner.
My Man Godfrey (1936)
#7. To: Esso (#0)
(Edited)
#8. To: Esso (#6)
No measure is too severe, no cost is too high. We must end this kiddycaust NOW!
#9. To: Dakmar (#7)
Mike Flaherty: Yeah, it's been there a long time. I wish I knew which corner.
My Man Godfrey (1936)
#10. To: Esso (#6)
"Second, we need an all-encompassing enforcement agency set up to restrict the cooking/growing of food larger than the mandatory pea-sized pieces"
#11. To: Dakmar, all (#9)
puree
Mike Flaherty: Yeah, it's been there a long time. I wish I knew which corner.
My Man Godfrey (1936)
#12. To: Esso (#11)
#13. To: PaulCJ (#4)
It is not a matter of safety, but it is a agenda to remove all symbols of american culture from the public's view.
#14. To: Original_Intent (#13)
#15. To: Dakmar (#14)
#16. To: Esso (#0)
"This man is Jesus,” shouted one man, spilling his Guinness as Barack Obama began his inaugural address. “When will he come to Kenya to save us?”
-Schweizerische Schuetzenzeitung (Swiss Shooting Federation) April, 1941
#17. To: Original_Intent (#15)
#18. To: Dakmar (#17)
"Villains! I shrieked. Dissemble no more! I admit the deed! - tear up the planks! here, here! - It is the beating of the hideous heart!"
#19. To: Original_Intent (#18)
However, they are under the delusion that because they control the major media, and most of the politicians on both sides of the alleged aisle, that they can keep a lid on it forever
#20. To: Dakmar (#19)
Mike Flaherty: Yeah, it's been there a long time. I wish I knew which corner.
My Man Godfrey (1936)
#21. To: Esso (#20)
#22. To: Esso (#0)
The academy said: "Food manufacturers should design new foods, and redesign existing foods, including meat products, to avoid shapes, sizes, texture and other characteristics that increase choking risk to children."
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