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4play See other 4play Articles Title: Jesus and Missing Body Parts I consider the most difficult of Jesus’ sayings the one in which he tells people to cut off a hand, a foot, or pluck out an eye, rather than go to Hell. Taken literally, this saying is not only nonsense; it’s grotesque. It is preposterous, a paradox; it cannot possibly be true in any literal way, no matter how you interpret it. So, let’s instead consider it a playful saying. I believe Jesus was being ironic. Quite a few of Jesus’ sayings are witty, hyperbolic, and ironic. Elton Trueblood noticed this in his “Humor of Christ.” For that matter, the Old Testament is full of bad puns, most of them untranslatable. Even Jesus made puns, as when he referred to Peter as “Rocky” and said he was the “rock” on which he would build his church. I find it sensible that Jesus was a witty man. It’s clear in the Bible he did not abstain from life’s pleasures – he ate, and drank wine, liked children, went to weddings. And what are at weddings? Singing and dancing. He also told people to not look dismal and instead be joyful. What was given to the world was a witty man who enjoyed life, and who wanted us to do so, too. That’s a far cry from the drudge portrayed in the King James version, the one who was always serious and never smiled or joked or laughed. Since during his time it would be too dangerous to come out and say something directly (although he did call Herod a vixen – a female fox) he was often indirect. Or he said one thing and meant the exact opposite, which is what irony is. One example of his irony is when he mentioned looking at a woman with lust in your heart being the same thing as committing adultery. Again, taken literally, it’s nonsense. It’s also impossible. It does make sense as irony, though. The self-righteous religious leaders of his time thought they were so pure they abstained from women (just as the religious frauds of today are obsessed with “purity” and sex). Jesus pointed out it was impossible for them to be so “pure” they could not look at a woman without sexual desire. If they denied this, they would be laughed at as liars and hypocrites, and as Voltaire wrote, “Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.” That’s what Jesus did: he made his enemies ridiculous. I doubt it was that hard. What does this have to do with cutting off body parts? The religious leaders of his time were hypocrites, and, like all hypocrites, blind to their own flaws. They ignored those different from them, they wouldn’t talk to them, they wouldn’t touch them. They wouldn’t even touch them with their feet. This is illustrated in the story of the Good Samaritan, in which the targets of Jesus’ mockery pass by a wounded man lying in a ditch. Who saves him? An “unclean” Samaritan. The others would have let him die rather than touch him with even a toe. They didn’t even want to look at him. So Jesus, using hyperbole and irony, told the people, “Okay, if these people really don’t want to sin, they should cut off a hand so they can’t touch those different from them, or pluck out an eye so they can’t look at them, or a foot so they can’t make the mistake of accidentally touching them with the tip of a little toe.” Humor involves taking two different ideas and finding a connection between them. And in that connection, there is an “Aha!” moment, the person “gets it” and laughs. Then they understand. Robert Frost called this “the coupling that moves you, that stirs you…an association of two things you don’t expect to see associated.” And on top of that, jokes – and other pithy sayings -- are easy to remember. Unlike, say, college textbooks. Jesus was trying to get these people to grasp the truth, and humor is an eminently practical way to do this. I consider good jokes – i.e., true jokes – to be truly rational. And the definition of “reason” to which I subscribe is “the grasping of necessary connections to become aware of organizing principles (the ‘law’).” In a sentence, to become aware of the Truth. And wit is a great way to achieve this goal. Understanding Jesus’ saying as hyperbole and irony is the only way it makes sense. I’m surprised he didn’t tell the self-anointed to cut out their tongues so they couldn’t talk to “unclean” people, or lop off their ears in case one tried to talk to them (I am reminded of the “Hear no Evil, See no Evil, Speak no evil” three monkeys). Imagine some holier-than-thou religious hypocrite with a peg-leg, a hook for a hand, and a eye-patch…the only way they can be sinless! (I guess Jesus was trying to take his opponents down a peg, or hook them into…I’ll quit). How can anyone not see this as a ridiculous image? Or not see the humor in it? Can anyone truly believe in a literal interpretation with an image like that? Jesus didn’t attack the common man. He attacked the corrupt, hypocritical religious leaders of his time. So if his saying is directed at anyone, it’s directed towards those leaders. He’s telling them, “You don’t want to sin anymore? You think you’re better than everyone else and can judge them and gave advice? Well, I’ll tell you what. The only you can be perfect in the way you think, is to start cutting off body parts.” I can imagine the grins and laughter of his listeners. Human nature doesn’t change. This means if you want to understand something in the Bible, find an example to which it applies today. Let’s take Jimmy Swaggart, who had a lot of judgmental things to say about other’s sex lives, but not a whole lot about his own. Hypocrites never do, until they’re caught. They’re too worried about the speck in other people’s eyes instead of worrying about the beam in their own (and that’s another witty saying of Jesus). Swaggart has been caught twice with hookers. Now, if he had plucked out his eyes and cut off his hands, he couldn’t have looked at those two whores because of the lust in his heart, or pawed them. Perhaps he should have cut off his feet, so he couldn’t chase after them. Best of all, he should have cut off his dick. His problem would have been most definitely solved. I would have smiled about it for the rest of my life. I suspect Jesus would have smiled about it, too.
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