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Immigration See other Immigration Articles Title: Mexican jokes; proof we ain't racists Juan (that joke was so retarded I had to post it) ----- Why do mexicans have small stearing wheels? so they can drive with handcuffs on ----- Why don't Mexicans play hide and seek? Cause nobody will look for them? ----- What's a mexicans favorite book store? Borders ----- What do u call mexicans on a trampapoline? Mexican jumping beans ----- What do you call a mexican on a riding lawnmower? Promoted ----- What do you call a building full of Mexicans? Jail ----- What does a mexican get 4 christmas? Your TV ----- Why are mexicans and basketball players a like? they both run jump shoot and steal ----- What do you call one Mexican on the moon? A problem. What do you call two mexicans on the moon? A bigger problem. What do you call all of the mexicans on the moon? Problem solved ----- Why aren't there any mexican's in hell? they jumped the border ----- Why do mexicans wear their baseball cap with the brim up? So they have a place to keep their taco. ----- what do you call a mexican who;s had his car stolen? Carlos ----- why do mexicans put there names on their car so they dont steal them ----- what do mexicans and vending machines have in common? they both take your money and don't work. ----- Why do mexicans wear pointed boots? Because it makes it easier to get over a fence. ----- what did the mexican say to the house that fell on him get off me home's ----- How do you keep mexicans from stealing? Put everthing on the top shelf. ----- What did Davy Crocket say when he saw all the mexicans running towards the alamo? Who ordered concrete? ----- What is the difference between a Mexican and an elevator? One can raise a child. ----- What do you call a Mexican with a new car? A felon ----- Why are there no Mexicans in Star Trek? They don't work in the future either! ----- Did you hear about the two car pile-up in the Walmart parking lot? 50 Mexicans died ----- Why do mexican kids walk around school like they own the place? Because their dads built it and their mom clean it. ----- What's a mexican's favorite sport? cross country ----- Why cant mexicans play uno? Because they always steal the green card ----- 2 mexicans are in a car, who is driving? A cop ----- Why can't mexicans be firemen? They can't tell the difference between jose and hose b ----- Why were there only 5,000 mexican soldiers at the battle of Alamo? They only had 2 vans. ----- What do you call a group of stoned mexicans? Baked beans ----- When a Mexican runs into a wall whats the first thing that hits? His Lawn Mower ----- How do you stop a Mexican tank? Shoot the guy pushing it. ----- What is the difference between a Mexican and a bucket of crap...? the bucket ----- What do you call a mexican baptism? Bean dip ----- What do you call a mexican that can't do any thing? A mexican't ----- What is the difference between a pizza and a mexican? A pizza can feed a family of four ----- What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a black person? Somebody too lazy to steal. ----- What do you call a mexican that is barefoot and stepped in poop with his toe? A PUTO ----- If there was a maze with with a million dollars in the center who do you think would win: the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, a smart mexican, or dumb mexican? The dumb mexican, the rest don't exist. ----- Why don't mexicans cross the border in 3's? Because it says no trespassing ----- What do you call a midget mexican? Paragraph because he is to short to be an essay ----- Why doesn't the border have electric wires? Because Mexicans will steal the electricity to power their house. ----- Why are Mexicans so short? They all live in basement apartments. ----- How Do You Starve A Mexican? Put Their Food Stamps In Their Work Boots. ----- What do you call 100 mexicans working on a roof? Chingos ----- Juan,carlos,and antonio all jump off a cliff to see who will hit the ground first. who wins? Society. ----- What do you call mexican basketball? Juan on Juan. ----- Did you hear about the winner of the mexican beauty contest? Me neither. ----- What do you get when you cross a mexican with an octopuss? I don't know but it could pick lettuce good. ----- Why don't mexicans bbq? The beans fall through the little holes. ----- What are the first 3 words in every mexican cookbook? steal a chicken ----- Did you hear about that one mexican that went to college? yeah.. me neither ----- What do you call 4 Mexicans in quicksand? Cuatro Cinco ----- how do you stop a mexican from robbing your house? put up a help-wanted sign ----- What's the difference between a bench and a Mexican? A bench can support a family (sorry, that one is really mean) ----- What is it when a Mexican is taking a shower? A miracle. ----- What do you call a pool with a mexican in it? Bean Dip. ----- What do Mexicans pick in the off season? Their nose. ----- A bunch of Mexicans are running down a hill, what is going on? Jail Break. ----- What do you call a Mexican driving a BMW? Grand Theft Auto. ----- Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? Any Mexican that can run jump or swim is in the US! ----- Why wasn't Jesus born in Mexico? He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin. (burn) ----- Why do Mexicans drive low riders? They are too short to get into any other type of car. ----- What is the greatest Mexican invention? A solar powered flash light. ----- Why do Mexicans re-fry their beans? Have you seen a Mexican do anything right the first time? ----- What do you do when a Mexican is riding a bike? Chase after him, it's probably yours! ---- Why are Mexicans so short? When they're young, their parents say, "When you get bigger you have to get a good job." ---- What do you call a Mexican without a lawn mower? Unemployed. ---- How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Doesn't matter, they're to short to reach the socket. ---- How do you get 50 Mexicans is a phone booth? Throw food stamps in it. ---- An Arab, Frenchman, American and a Mexican are riding down the highway. The Arab picks up an AK-47. He shoots a couple of rounds and then throws the gun out the window. The American asks him why he through the gun out the window and the Arab says they have so many of those where he is from he doesn't care about what happens to them. The Frenchman picks up a bottle of wine and drinks a little and throws it out the window. The American asks him why he tossed it. The Frenchman says they have so much of it where he is from he doesn't care what happens to it. The American picks up the Mexican and throws him out the window. ----- Two Americans and a Mexican are exploring in Africa and they stumble upon a tribe. The chief of the tribe tells the explorers that they are going to get fruit shoved up their butts and if they laugh they are going to get killed. Luckly, the Chief tells them they get to pick their own fruit. The two whittes pick berries and the Chief shoves it up their butts. They both laugh their heads off. In heaven God asks them why they laughed. And the Americans reply, "The Mexican picked a watermelon." ----- A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. He says, "Mom, look - I'm a white boy!" His mom slaps him in the face and says, "Go show your father." He goes to his dad in the living room and says, "Look Dad, I'm a white boy." His dad slaps him hard in the face and says, "Go show your grandmother." The boy goes into his grandmother's room and say, "Mira, Abuelita, I'm a white boy." His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother. His mother says, "See, did you learn anything from that?" To which the boy replies, "Sure did! I have only been white for five minutes and I already hate you Mexicans!" ----- Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?" The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move. The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, "What do you want on your back?" "I will take nothing!" says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch. "What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American. He responds, "I'll take the Mexican." ---- An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says " We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive" The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and jumps. The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and he also jumps. This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers "Remember the Alamo" and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane. ---- What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe? Roberto ---- Post Comment Private Reply Ignore Thread Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest Begin Trace Mode for Comment # 6.
#4. To: buckeroo (#0)
Q. What do you say to a Mexican in a three piece suit? A. Will the defendant please rise. A. Air's free. A. Riding Shotgun on a garbage truck. A. It's the one with hair under the wings. A. A canceled Czech. A. Nobody wants plasma with a head on it.
While walking down the street in Edinburgh one day a Member of the Scottish Parliament is tragically hit by a bus and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around here, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you. "No problem, just let me in," says the MSP. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity." "Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the MSP. "I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the lift and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and blether about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the Scottish people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is very friendly who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the lift rises. The lift goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit heaven." So, 24 hours pass with the MSP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. "Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity." The MSP reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell." So St. Peter escorts him to the lift and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the lift open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and rubbish. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the rubbish and putting it in black bags as more rubbish falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder "I don't understand," stammers the MSP. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of rubbish and my friends look miserable. What happened? The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning. ....Today you voted."
#7. To: All (#6)
A Scotsman was shipwrecked and finally washed ashore on a small island. As he regains consciousness on the beach, he sees a beautiful unclad nymph standing over him. She asks, "Would you like some food? "The Scot hoarsely croaks, "Och, lassie, I havna' ittin a bite in a week and I am verra hungry!" She disappears into the woods and quickly comes back with a heaping helping of haggis. When he has choked it down, she asks, "Would you like something to drink?" "Och, aye! That haggis has made me verra thirsty and I wad verra much like a drink!" She goes off into the woods again and returns with a bottle of 75-year-old single-malt Scotch whiskey. The Scotsman is beginning to think that he's in heaven when the unclad nymph leans closer and says, "Would you like to play around?" "Och, lassie, don't tell me ye've got a golf course here too!"
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