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All is Vanity
See other All is Vanity Articles

Title: Hell Explained47;
Source: email
URL Source: http://nadachanceinhell.com
Published: Jun 5, 2010
Author: Another fool wasting employers time
Post Date: 2010-06-05 18:52:13 by Ragin1
Keywords: hell
Views: 325
Comments: 11

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well : Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely.. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct, leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.


Poster Comment:

Thought I might encourage a break from dual citizenship problems, oil spillage, obama's a negro, theres a mexican in the woodshed doin my job, obama was born in kenya, sarah palin sucks, 20 more jews hired at commerce, beck cries vaseline tears, we ain't got no freedoms, the economic system will crash, i gots a hardon for big guns, the economic system is on a slow track to ruin, all your rights belong to us, and such.

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#1. To: Ragin1 (#0)

Teresa, and her exhortations, are always welcome here.

Dude deserved an A+ for taking her to heaven and documenting it in his thesis.

Lod  posted on  2010-06-05   18:58:16 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#2. To: Lod (#1)

He did get an A. And I would have given him one also.

Ragin1  posted on  2010-06-05   19:04:40 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#3. To: All (#0)

King Arthur and the Witch:

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?...What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below.

Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now....what is the moral to this story?

The moral is.... If you don't let a woman have her own way... Things are going to get ugly.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I can sum this up in 4 words guys.

Happy wife. Happy life.

Ragin1  posted on  2010-06-05   19:17:50 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#4. To: Ragin1 (#0)

Well I dunno. I was not aware that God was subject to Boyle's Law. :-P

But, we all learn something new every day; while it's long known that women continuously and unpredictably change their minds, I always assumed there was always a constant - a woman's change of mind or heart is always inversely proportional to the man's contentment. This Teresa girl did an Einstein to my Newtonian assumptions. lol

Now we have a REAL environmental catastrophe involving oil, so presumably the Mainstream Media are going hysterical right now.... no, on second thought, they're keeping quiet about this. Interesting.

irishthatcherite  posted on  2010-06-05   20:07:02 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#5. To: Ragin1 (#3)

Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

D'oh! I didn't see that coming - I missed the moral of the story. lol

Now we have a REAL environmental catastrophe involving oil, so presumably the Mainstream Media are going hysterical right now.... no, on second thought, they're keeping quiet about this. Interesting.

irishthatcherite  posted on  2010-06-05   20:13:05 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#6. To: Ragin1 (#3)

The moral is.... If you don't let a woman have her own way... Things are going to get ugly.

hahahaha. i love that.

christine  posted on  2010-06-05   21:27:54 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#7. To: irishthatcherite (#5)

By God the Allmighty I hate Thatcher with all my passion!

Ragin1  posted on  2010-06-06   0:24:35 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#8. To: Ragin1 (#7)

By God the Allmighty I hate Thatcher with all my passion!

I regret choosing that handle actually, because people misunderstand what I'm about - it was intended to be a joke having an ironic twist, you know; "Irish" and "Thatcherite". lol But, I used it on FR, I choose to retain it on LP - so I'm stuck with it on these forums. lol

Now we have a REAL environmental catastrophe involving oil, so presumably the Mainstream Media are going hysterical right now.... no, on second thought, they're keeping quiet about this. Interesting.

irishthatcherite  posted on  2010-06-06   16:37:43 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#9. To: irishthatcherite (#8)

It leaves one with the impression their actually is a group of Irish who cheered the witch.

I chose to do the same thing. I've been using the same handle since the days of Prodigy before the web caught fire. I'm nowhere near as angry as I used to be.

Ragin1  posted on  2010-06-06   16:41:05 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#10. To: Ragin1 (#9)

It leaves one with the impression their actually is a group of Irish who cheered the witch.

Well, back a few years ago when I was more of a generic conservative, I did think her alright, but knowing what I know now, I'm not so sure of her. Like Reagan, there is this big question mark over Maggie's head. But, you are right, even conservative Irish don't really like her. lol

I chose to do the same thing. I've been using the same handle since the days of Prodigy before the web caught fire. I'm nowhere near as angry as I used to be.

LOL, the group did define anger. lol

Now we have a REAL environmental catastrophe involving oil, so presumably the Mainstream Media are going hysterical right now.... no, on second thought, they're keeping quiet about this. Interesting.

irishthatcherite  posted on  2010-06-06   16:56:56 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#11. To: Ragin1 (#0)

A devout Catholic girl I know, told me in all seriously I was not going to Hell, but I was going to Purgatory. She was serious, too.

When I asked her if there would be girls there she told me I was being facetious and was not going to answer me.

She told me she prays for me to convert to Catholicism so I don't have to spend any time in Purgatory.

For it is not the wolf or any of the other beasts that would join the contest in any noble danger, but rather a good man. — Aristotle, Politics, Book IIX

Turtle  posted on  2010-06-07   12:14:44 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


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