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Title: Kill all the Short People
Source:
UncleBob's Treehouse
URL Source: [None]
Published: Jul 28, 2010
Author: Bob Wallace
Post Date: 2010-07-28 10:52:38 by Turtle
Keywords: None
Views: 2694
Comments: 77
When Randy Newman came out with his song “Short People” and sang they should be killed, he got a lot of criticism. Many people didn’t understand he was being ironic and mocking the attitudes of many people toward short men. I have no idea how tall Newman is, but he looks short. So he knows what it’s like. I am not short, by the way. I’m six-feet-tall, but I do have short friends, and they have told me stories. I get the impression there are women out there who want short men to, basically, die. “How dare you not be six feet tall? Why don’t you just die?!?” I had one friend tell me he asked a woman to dance at a nightclub and she told him, “You’re about a foot too short.” I wonder how she would feel if some guy told her, “I’m dumping you for a better-looking woman. Younger, too, and has bigger tits”? Another told me that in college he put a sign in the student building saying he was driving home over the weekend and looking for riders to share gas. He got a call from a girl, a student there, and got along very well with her on the phone. Instant chemistry. However, when he met her, he told me, “I could see the disappointment in her eyes,” because he was 5’7”. And on the drive she told him, “On the phone you sounded like you were six-feet-tall.” I occasionally how tall I sound on the phone. Another guy told me he went over to a girl’s house to pick her up and she had left. You might claim that wasn’t because he was short, but would she have done this to a good-looking six-foot-tall guy? I seriously doubt it. Probably the best story I heard from a short friend is when he was going to take a girl bowling while they were in college. She wanted to stop at a bar first. It turned out some of her friends were there. She told my friend, “I don’t want to go bowling.” “Do you want to do something else?” “No,” she said, and turned and walked away. “I was sitting there in a bar with my bowling ball,” he told me. One of my short friends became a dentist and oral surgeon. He is quite wealthy, has a one-hundred-year-old three-story house with one of those huge attics people used to put the crazy aunt in, and a big back yard with a privacy fence. He was his office in the backyard, so he’s basically home all the time. If I was a envious person, I would envy him. When he’s not working on patients, he works on his garden and plays with his dogs. He married an Asian woman a bit shorter than him. I’ve spent a lot of time at his house and have seen the looks of many of his female patients when they saw his wife. “How dare you be rich and marry an Asian woman! You’re supposed to marry a white woman! And how dare you be 5’6” instead of 6’. I hate you! Why don’t you just die?!?!” It is bizarre. There have been times I’ve stood in stores with a short friend and the woman behind the counter flirted with me, but didn’t even look at him. I wondered if it ever occurred to them he was a friend of mine and they should at least say hi to him? Hmmm…perhaps all short people should just die. Now that I think about it, they’ve caused me a lot of trouble.
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#37. To: Cynicom (#35)
Heh, it is a double entendre anyway. Men get mocked for being thumb dicks, but women with a tight vagina makes men's egos feel better about their size. It can be an interesting dynamic. ;-D
I've been tapping a 50 y/o. She has many talents and the ass of an 18 year old. I'll do em any age if they are well kept. :)
#38. To: Turtle (#7)
Waiting too late to oppose tyranny has always led to bloodshed.
Hair Extensions Five Towns Merrick Manhasset Roslyn Massapequa Amityville Wantagh Farmingdale East Meadow Long Island, NY
#39. To: Ferret (#37)
Mike, I refuse to become involved any further, coward you kniow.
#40. To: Cynicom (#39)
Heh, actually you sound like a man who knows the nuances of women as prey well. As in how they can wind up being the predator, and do revenge with deeper cruelty and more planning. I'd say you know all to well you are talking tongue in cheek about your wisdom about women.
#41. To: farmfriend (#33)
Does it really?
Yeah that work
"The more artificial taboos and restrictions there are in the world, the more the people are impoverished.... The more that laws and regulations are given prominence, the more thieves and robbers there will be." - Lao Tzu, 6th century BC
#42. To: Turtle (#0)
Six feet tall? That is short actually. :) I like looking down on the heads of 6' tall guys and saying "how's the weather down there". 6'3" here.
I am not short, by the way. I’m six-feet-tall, but I do have short friends, and they have told me stories
"The more artificial taboos and restrictions there are in the world, the more the people are impoverished.... The more that laws and regulations are given prominence, the more thieves and robbers there will be." - Lao Tzu, 6th century BC
#43. To: SonOfLiberty (#41)
lol.....just let me stand on your wallet and I'll tell you if it works or not. : )
Does it really?
"The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. ... We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of." Edward Bernays, Father of Public Relations
#44. To: SonOfLiberty (#41)
LOL yeah the older I get the more it works. Actually I have come to believe that the better looking the woman, the more likely she is to go after money.
Does it really?
Name calling is juvenile.
#45. To: Horse (#30)
A study recently attributed men's shorter legs to leverage. A stocky, short legged guy can often out grapple a tall guy to the ground when competing for a woman. I'm 5' 6" and allot more formidable in a bar fight then a tall boy. For one thing, when the bottles start flying, I don't even have to duck to avoid most of this sort of situational hazard. I have rarely lost a fight against a tall opponent. In fact, a guy my height or shorter as muscular as me scares me far more then a tall dumb shit.
"That is because the short men are dying without reproducing."
#46. To: abraxas (#43)
Meh. I'm tall already, no need to stand on the wallet. Can't imagine being in the dating game, being tall and having money both. Wait...wtf?.....why am I married again? lol (j/k, any woman that can put up with me like my wife does, is a saint) :)
"The more artificial taboos and restrictions there are in the world, the more the people are impoverished.... The more that laws and regulations are given prominence, the more thieves and robbers there will be." - Lao Tzu, 6th century BC
#47. To: Ferret (#45)
You've yet to meet a tall, muscular guy trained in martial arts. Being Welsh only helps a bit, until you meet one of your cousins who is a warrior type Scot or a son of Erin who is keen for a fight. Short frames have denser muscle mass, so the agility fades if you have strength and are short. Short and wiry works for a bit, until the hand lands on you, meanwhile, you can do little damage to the much larger opponent due to aforementioned wiry (and hence, less strength endowed) frame. The only time I've seen agility work is when the guy is huge, muscular (or fat) and doesn't know how to fight and can't scrap worth a damn. Most short guys I've fought are surprised at being grabbed so quickly, and by the time that happens, they're in the air held by the throat. Bar fight or two myself. My 20's were rather...rough edged. :) Cheers.
"The more artificial taboos and restrictions there are in the world, the more the people are impoverished.... The more that laws and regulations are given prominence, the more thieves and robbers there will be." - Lao Tzu, 6th century BC
#48. To: SonOfLiberty (#46)
I always looked young for my age and was a very baby faced 16 year old. I once had a girl like say to me upon a dance request; "I don't dance with children." I responded, "Well, had I know you were preggers love, I'd of left you alone." My talents as a smart ass developed well and at quite a young age. This actually caused a chain of events that saw her and I date several times. She eventually went steady with a guy who could just about lick his eyebrows, something a glib tongue ultimately has no defense against in the age old competition for the fairer gender.
#49. To: SonOfLiberty (#46)
No, I'm short and I'm willing to test the theory. We can test this out, but I need a wallet with some money in it for the test. Oh, wait a minute I don't want to stand on your wife's wallet. I need a wallet without a wife for this experiment. : )
"The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. ... We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of." Edward Bernays, Father of Public Relations
#50. To: SonOfLiberty (#47)
I was walking in Portland Oregon one weekend. I had been studying at the McDonalds and was heading back to my car when a tall guy with a cocaine cowboy haircut waved, smiled saying, "hi." He immediately went into a roundhouse kick which surprised me enough all I could do is go into a karate anchor stance, take the kick before I could start kata practice on him. He had been going down the street assaulting several people with three other goon-bahs with him who started punching me as I worked on the appropriate parts of his throat, ears, nose and eyes. (A short person should always think about working inside the arm reach of a tall dude, which I was doing.) I was grabbed by two huge bouncers who were steps away at a club who liked my audacity but recognized the demographics were against me. Had I not been rusty, I would of taken advantage of the huge opening he left me by doing such a goofy, time extravagant kick. Sensei taught us that if we were rusty, focus on a good anchor stance if you have time for nothing else. This little bit of wisdom spared be from being knocked to the ground and being booted real badly. Months later I saw him alone at the Skidmore Fountain on SW 1st and planted my mountain bike front wheel into his groin at a nice velocity. I stayed long enough for his eyes to uncross and have enough focus to tell him where we first met and why I played demolition derby with him. ;-)
#51. To: Lysander_Spooner (#21)
Funny you should say that, a friend of mine once said to me; "they're all the same height on their backs." lol
For me it is seeing a woman horizontal that does it, forget about the vertical stuff, frankly my dear I don't give a damn how tall you are.
Now we have a REAL environmental catastrophe involving oil, so presumably the Mainstream Media are going hysterical right now.... no, on second thought, they're keeping quiet about this. Interesting.
#52. To: Ferret (#45)
My cousin was 6'5". He was drunk and didn't want to do the time so when he was stopped by a deputy sheriff. He hit the cop, stole his car and left the scene. The only problem was that he left his car at the scene so they know who did it. The point is that he was big enough to floor a cop with one punch.
The Truth of 911 Shall Set You Free From The Lie
#53. To: Ferret (#50)
Yeah, if you call filling out a job application studying. Did you get the job or did you fail the drug test again?
I had been studying at the McDonalds
WWGPD? - (What Would General Pinochet Do?)
#54. To: SonOfLiberty (#42)
I like looking down on the heads of 6' tall guys and saying "how's the weather down there". 6'3" here. If I was to even look at you, you would collapse into a quivering mass of Jello!
Six feet tall? That is short actually. :)
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams
#55. To: Turtle (#54)
Cherry? Or raspberry?
"The more artificial taboos and restrictions there are in the world, the more the people are impoverished.... The more that laws and regulations are given prominence, the more thieves and robbers there will be." - Lao Tzu, 6th century BC
#56. To: Bill Crowe (#36)
As someone with a case of white man's disease when it comes to basketball, I can attest to the fact that you don't have to be short to be picked last or near last. That's why I stuck with wrestling and football.
Getting picked last or near the last in basketball is such a bummer.
"The Central Intelligence Agency owns everyone of any significance in the major media." ~ William Colby, Director, CIA 1973–1976
Nothing in the State, everything outside the State, everything against the State - Jan Lester, Escape From Leviathan
"When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men living together in society, they create for themselves in the course of time a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that justifies it." - Frederic Bastiat
Good order results spontaneously when things are let alone. - Zhuangzi
#57. To: Flintlock (#53)
I had to go to Portland Community College (PCC) to take the courses to get my paralegal certification. I have worked and lived in Little Beirut (Portland), but I prefer Eugene.
#58. To: Turtle, all (#0)
I've decided, as of this morning, that the fatwa on short men must end. As I was leaving the grocery store after picking up some chicken thighs to make breakfast for the sweetest little greyhound in the world, a short man came up to me. He said, "Excuse me. I don't want to be fresh, but I think you are very attractive." I said, "Thank you." Then I smiled and added, "Beware of turtles." He looked confused but I think I may have saved his life. : ) So, in closing, I have determined that short men should be allowed live. I crossed the paths of at least four six footers in the store, they smiled kindly but failed to excuse themselves and compliment me like the short man did. This proves that we would surely have a crisis in complements without short men around. Save the Shorties!!!
"The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. ... We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of." Edward Bernays, Father of Public Relations
#59. To: abraxas (#58)
YOU DID NOT SAY THAT!!!
Then I smiled and added, "Beware of turtles."
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams
#60. To: Turtle (#59)
lol.....oh, Turtle, you underestimate me.
"The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. ... We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of." Edward Bernays, Father of Public Relations
#61. To: abraxas (#60)
How can I "underestimate" someone who is 4'3"? No, wait, that's not right. How tall is Mickey Carroll, just about the only Munchkin alive? 4'9"? I know you're about that height...hard to tell looking way down at the top of your head! I actually knew a girl in college who was 4'9" and weighed 85 pounds.
lol.....oh, Turtle, you underestimate me.
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams
#62. To: Turtle (#61)
I actually knew a girl in college who was 4'9" and weighed 85 pounds. LOL!!!!!! That was a good one. : ) I think that girl you knew in college lacked the NeanderToe which would have put her put her just over five feet and added 20 pounds.
How can I "underestimate" someone who is 4'3"?
"The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. ... We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of." Edward Bernays, Father of Public Relations
#63. To: abraxas (#62)
I didn't know about Neanderthal toes back then. The only thing I noticed about her toes is that she curled them up at certain times, which I've noticed about a lot of women!
I think that girl you knew in college lacked the NeanderToe
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams
#64. To: Turtle (#63)
lol.......yes, but could she pick up a pencil with her toes? That is the question. Derb nub you, Turtle. I find myself looking for Neandertoe nowadays and I never cared about it at all before you mentioned it. Sometimes people have the most disgusting feet, I feel I would have been better off not paying any attention to the toes of others.
"The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. ... We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of." Edward Bernays, Father of Public Relations
#65. To: abraxas (#64)
When I was 21 my girlfriend/fiend told me my feet were hideous. When I asked why she said it was because I had a high arch on the top of my feet. I was completely mystified.
Sometimes people have the most disgusting feet
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams
#66. To: abraxas, turtle (#64)
I used to be able to. But I have short toes and I think my weight has changed that somewhat. I can still do pencils but can't do smaller things like I used to.
lol.......yes, but could she pick up a pencil with her toes? That is the question.
Name calling is juvenile.
#67. To: farmfriend, abraxas (#66)
Now I'm wondering if I can pick up pencils with my toes.
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams
#68. To: Turtle (#65)
I'm not talking about the height of the arch........I'm talking about disgusting yellow, crusty, dirty, corny toes. I can't believe some of the disgusting toes that people allow to be seen in public. Some people really should opt for full coverage shoes. I pity the pedicurists and lament the days when I didn't notice toes. : (
because I had a high arch on the top of my feet
"The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. ... We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of." Edward Bernays, Father of Public Relations
#69. To: abraxas (#68)
OH man, I'm going to start seeing feet now. Sigh.
Name calling is juvenile.
#70. To: Turtle, abraxas (#67)
My feet don't look like the picture you posted that is for sure. My big toe is the largest of the set. Really weird thing is I used to walk on the backs of my toes when I was a kid.
Now I'm wondering if I can pick up pencils with my toes.
Name calling is juvenile.
#71. To: farmfriend. Turtle (#66)
That is a feat to accomplish with short toes!! Mine are long, so that makes it easier. I'm flexible too, so that helps.........in more ways than toes. No, I'm not talking about flexible helping in THAT way. I was speaking of my flexible attitude. : )
I used to be able to. But I have short toes
"The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. ... We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of." Edward Bernays, Father of Public Relations
#72. To: farmfriend, Turtle (#69)
Oh, I am sorry........it's a curse. Turtle started it.
OH man, I'm going to start seeing feet now. Sigh.
"The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. ... We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of." Edward Bernays, Father of Public Relations
#73. To: farmfriend, abraxas (#70)
My left foot has the Neanderthal toe. What is strange is that while I'm right- handed and right-eyed I am left-footed. That toe is also associated with Celtic ancestry.
My feet don't look like the picture you posted that is for sure
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams
#74. To: Turtle (#73)
That is strange. I'm double NeanderToe.....ambidextrous to a great extent, although somewhat right dominant. I can write with both, hammer with both, drill with both, cook with both. I'm duck footed when I snowboard and wakeboard, so that again is more ambidextrous. When I get tired on one leg, I switch. When I shoot, I'm good with both hands and both eyes. But, that's how I've always practiced.
My left foot has the Neanderthal toe. What is strange is that while I'm right- handed and right-eyed I am left-footed.
"The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. ... We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of." Edward Bernays, Father of Public Relations
#75. To: abraxas (#74) (Edited)
Celtic toe it's also called...hmm...all kinds of trolls and dwarves and pookas and other little beasties running around Ireland and Scotland and Wales. Now I understand...
I'm double NeanderToe
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams
#76. To: abraxas, turtle (#72)
Yes it is all the man's fault, of course. LOL
Oh, I am sorry........it's a curse. Turtle started it.
Name calling is juvenile.
#77. To: Turtle, abraxas (#73)
My son has a similar thing. He is right handed but his dominant eye is left. He shoots left handed because of it.
What is strange is that while I'm right- handed and right-eyed I am left-footed.
Name calling is juvenile.
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