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Retro 50s 60s
See other Retro 50s 60s Articles

Title: Turtle’s Guide to Amazing Popularity with Girls
Source: Unclebob's Treehouse
URL Source: [None]
Published: Aug 15, 2010
Author: Bob Wallace
Post Date: 2010-08-15 13:42:26 by Turtle
Keywords: None
Views: 6178
Comments: 57

When I went away to college one of the guys who lived in the apartment across the hall told me he had once been turned down ten times in a row asking women to dance at a nightclub.

I got the impression the women were trying to kill him. Ostracizing people and solitary confinement have always been the worst of punishments, worse than flogging but not as bad as crucifixion. “Why don’t you just die?!?!?” is what they were telling him.

And all he was asking for was a dance.

I’ve always remembered what happened to him, just the way I remembered a woman who told me she had been asked out by seven guys one weekend. Talk about an imbalance. Something’s very wrong here.

I rapidly decided this imbalance was a bunch of nonsense and I was going to have no part of it. I had actually tried that dinner/movie/date stuff and thought, “Who invented this crap?”

Once, when I was about 20, one of my friends told me, “You know, you look just like one of those Cro-Magnon guys in the paintings.” His girlfriend chimed in and seconded him. “He’s right; you do.”

I looked at the painting in the book and looked in the mirror. Damn, he was right. I looked Cro-Magnon. Maybe even a little Neanderthal.

So I decided, fine, I look like a caveman, maybe I should act like one.

So, one day, when I was 21, I decided to try something different. I was living in an old house, in a room. It had a weird lock, with a latch on top. Push it one way, and when you closed the door, it locked. Push it the other way, and even if you closed the door it didn’t lock.

So I pushed the latch so it would lock, left the door ajar, went into the living room (I lived in a co-ed house), and asked the girl in there (who was by herself) if she would stand up for a minute because “I want to show you something.”

When she did, I picked her up, threw her over my shoulder (“What are you doing?!?!”) took her in my room, kicked the door shut (locked) with my heel and threw her on my bed, then jumped on her.

“What are you doing? Who do you think you are? You’re not going to touch me!” All empty words.

I ended up having my way with her with no problem at all. Although she wanted to – yech! – talk afterward, interfering with me trying to sleep.

Incidentally, this caveman stuff doesn’t work with fat girls, since I couldn’t pick them up, not that I ever tried.

I used this technique seven times, and it worked every time. Most of the girls I continued to see for a little while.

Obviously it works to kidnap a woman, caveman-style. Maybe John Norman is right with all that Slave Girls of Gor stuff.

Most women are not rational. They don’t even know what they want. But I found out, by trial and error, what worked and what didn’t. And it didn’t cost me a cent.

Besides, it worked for Clark Cable in “Gone with the Wind.”

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Begin Trace Mode for Comment # 33.

#1. To: Turtle, abraxas (#0)

Incidentally, this caveman stuff doesn’t work with fat girls, since I couldn’t pick them up, not that I ever tried.

That's because you have it backwards. Fat girls pick you up, throw you on the bed and threaten to sit on you if you don't do as you are told.

farmfriend  posted on  2010-08-15   13:50:42 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#2. To: farmfriend (#1)

Fat girls pick you up, throw you on the bed and threaten to sit on you if you don't do as you are told.

I've never seen a woman strong to pick me up.

I did have one girlfriend who said she could beat me up. I let her think that.

Turtle  posted on  2010-08-15   13:57:07 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#5. To: Turtle (#2)

I've never seen a woman strong to pick me up.

I did have one girlfriend who said she could beat me up.

Both would not be a problem.

farmfriend  posted on  2010-08-15   14:09:18 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#6. To: farmfriend (#5)

Both would not be a problem.

For who? You?

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

I am laffing!!!

Turtle  posted on  2010-08-15   14:10:39 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#7. To: Turtle (#6)

I am laffing!!!

Laugh all you want, I'll still kick your ass.

You know what I find interesting is that guys treat me as one of the guys. Happens everywhere I go. I don't mean they see me as butch, that's not the case. I've had guys tell me I think like a man. Guys seem comfortable and at ease with me. Free to be themselves really. A few, see me as a threat, like they would another guy who is a rival. I haven't figured that one out yet. I think it is a form of insecurity on their part.

farmfriend  posted on  2010-08-15   14:15:15 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#8. To: farmfriend (#7)

The only way you could beat me up is if I was stuck in a chimney!

Turtle  posted on  2010-08-15   14:22:03 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#9. To: Turtle (#8)

The only way you could beat me up is if I was stuck in a chimney!

Cage match it is.

farmfriend  posted on  2010-08-15   14:26:56 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#10. To: farmfriend (#9)

Cage match it is.

You better bring about ten of you.

Turtle  posted on  2010-08-15   14:30:40 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#11. To: Turtle (#10)

You better bring about ten of you.

LOL 10 fat girls it is.

farmfriend  posted on  2010-08-15   14:36:32 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#15. To: farmfriend (#11)

LOL 10 fat girls it is.

Suffocating in not fair!

Turtle  posted on  2010-08-15   14:43:05 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#23. To: Turtle (#15)

Suffocating in not fair!

Hey you ASKED for it.

farmfriend  posted on  2010-08-15   14:52:50 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#24. To: farmfriend (#23)

Hey you ASKED for it.

Ha! I asked for a fair stand-up fight, not being suffocated under a ton.

Turtle  posted on  2010-08-15   14:54:20 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#27. To: Turtle (#24)

Ha! I asked for a fair stand-up fight, not being suffocated under a ton.

Fine I'll come alone. Who you going to bring to make it a fair fight?

farmfriend  posted on  2010-08-15   14:55:01 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#30. To: farmfriend (#27)

Fine I'll come alone. Who you going to bring to make it a fair fight?

Just me and my bare knuckles.

You don't stand a chance!

Turtle  posted on  2010-08-15   14:57:15 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#33. To: Turtle (#30)

Just me and my bare knuckles.

You don't stand a chance!

The turtle is clueless.

farmfriend  posted on  2010-08-15   15:00:04 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


Replies to Comment # 33.

#34. To: farmfriend (#33)

The turtle is clueless.

I'll even tie one hand behind my back to make it fair.

Turtle  posted on  2010-08-15 15:07:02 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


End Trace Mode for Comment # 33.

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