[Home] [Headlines] [Latest Articles] [Latest Comments] [Post] [Sign-in] [Mail] [Setup] [Help]
Status: Not Logged In; Sign In
|
4play See other 4play Articles Title: Yay for Fido! The year: 2084. The place: any city in the USA. Characters: Father, Daughter, Baby, Fido and a Few Shadowy Characters. Father parks his 1986 Yugo at a curb and exits the vehicle with Daughter, Baby, and Fido the Chihuahua. Police Officer (emerging from the shadows. He is a clone, as all the police are in 2084. He has a narrow head and squinty lop-sided eyes and bears strong resemblance to George Bush): Hold it right there! Father: What? What did I do? Officer: I have to search all of you and the car for a bomb! It's a new Global UN law passed this morning. Father: I haven't heard a thing about it. Officer: That's not my problem. I have a job to do and orders to follow. Father: Orders to follow, huh? (He places his left forefinger under his nose, shoots out his right arm at a 45% angle, and goosesteps in circles.) Sieg Heil! Actung! Verboten! Officer: Huh? Father: Adolph Hitler? Nazis? Officer: Huh? Father: Forget it. I'm a comedian practicing a comedy routine. Officer: Whatever. A police van screeches around a corner. It stops and four police officers jump out. They remove the tires from the Yugo, place the car on concrete blocks, put the tires in the van and screech away. Father: What was that about? Officer: We have to search your tires for bombs. Father: Those are brand-new tires! They might even have rubber in them! It took me a year to save for them! The economy's been bad for 80 years, you know, what with the wars in Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Syria, Sudan, Egypt, Saudi Arabia and all those other places I can't remember! I think you guys just stole my tires! Officer: Complain to the government. Father: This is outrageous! Officer: I'm just keeping the country safe. (He squints at Baby.) There could be a bomb in that baby! Father: Sure. Officer: I have to check. (He grabs Baby and prys open its mouth.) You got a bomb in there? Baby: Gaga googoo. Officer (upending Baby and shaking it up and down): Cough it up! Baby: Wah! Officer: I guess you're okay. (Hands Baby back to Father.) Baby (glaring at Officer): Pfffttt! Father: Baby! Baby: Gaga googoo! Officer (squinting at Fido): There could be a bomb in that dog! Father: It's a Chihuahua! Officer: Plenty of room for a bomb. He needs a body-cavity search! Fido: Yikes! Daughter: Daddy! Look at what that bad man is doing to Fido! Father (placing his hands over Daughter's eyes): Don't look, honey! Fido: YEOW! Officer: Dang! (shakes hand) He's stuck! Fido: YEOW! Officer (shaking hand harder) There he goes! (Fido does a somersault through the air and lands in Daughter's arms.) Fido (glaring at the Officer): Grrr! GRRR! GRRR!! A man walks by wearing a three-foot tall turban. There is a loud ticking sound coming from it. Father: Did you see that? I think he's got a bomb in his turban! Officer: Since when are you a trained police officer? The man rounds the corner. Seconds later there is a gigantic explosion. An axle with two tires on it lands in the street. Father: Look! Two tires! Can I have them? Officer: Don't get smart. Father: Can we go now? Officer: I guess. You better watch yourself. And the dog, too. He better watch himself...or you...er...you know what I mean. Father, Daughter, Baby and Fido cross the street. Fido is walking upright on his front paws like a circus acrobat. Fido: Ow! Ow! Ow! All step onto the curb across the street. An Officer appears from the shadows. Officer: Stop right there! Father: What now? Officer: I have to search all of you! Father: The guy across the street just searched us! Officer: He's Homeland Security for the south side of the street! I'm Homeland Security for the north side! Father (putting hands on head): It's a madhouse! Officer: Huh? Father: Charleton Heston? Planet of the Apes? Officer: Huh? Father: Forget it. I'm a comedian practicing a comedy routine. Officer (squinting eyes): The dog's first! Fido: ARRRGGGH! Officer: What the--yikes! Oh no! Wait, stop! Help! HELP! HELLLPPPP!!!!" Father: Wow! I didn't know he could do that! Daughter: Yay for Fido! Fido: Burp.
Post Comment Private Reply Ignore Thread Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest
#1. To: Turtle (#0)
I have to say Bob, you channel 1950s TV/radio writers very well.
“Ask any Indian nation how it preserves itself. It isn’t by letting anyone and everyone claim to be Indian. There are exceptions, but they are not the rule.” -- Eric Holder
Oy!
You're a goddamn subversive!
“Ask any Indian nation how it preserves itself. It isn’t by letting anyone and everyone claim to be Indian. There are exceptions, but they are not the rule.” -- Eric Holder
LOL!! Now that is a good story, Turtle. I especially liked the details. You had me laughing at the 1986 Yugo right until Fido saves the day.
"The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. ... We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of." Edward Bernays, Father of Public Relations
Where's a crazy Asian guy when you need him? Right behind you.
“Ask any Indian nation how it preserves itself. It isn’t by letting anyone and everyone claim to be Indian. There are exceptions, but they are not the rule.” -- Eric Holder
I'm going to start my own online radio station.
"Society is, always has been and always will be a structure for the exploitation and oppression of the majority through systems of political force dictated by an élite, enforced by thugs, uniformed or not, and upheld by a willful ignorance and stupidity on the part of the very majority whom the system oppresses." -- Richard K. Morgan
|
||
|
[Home]
[Headlines]
[Latest Articles]
[Latest Comments]
[Post]
[Sign-in]
[Mail]
[Setup]
[Help]
|
||