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Title: Grandma Beats Up Airport Security Guards
Source:
Unclebob's Treehouse
URL Source: [None]
Published: Sep 9, 2010
Author: Bob Wallace
Post Date: 2010-09-09 11:02:14 by Turtle
Keywords: None
Views: 1248
Comments: 55
FROSTBITE FALLS, MN -- Charges were dropped yesterday against Ruth "Grammy" Gordon, an 83-year-old wheelchair-bound grandmother, who was originally charged with assault and battery, and assault with a deadly weapon, because of an altercation she had last week with six TSA (Transport Security Administration) guards, that left all of them hospitalized. "Justice has been served," said the 95-pound mother of three and grandmother of six, as she sat in her wheelchair, aided in her breathing by an oxygen bottle. "Now I'm going to sue every fool in the federal government for ignorance, stupidity, and just plain general incompetence. I'm an American, and I won’t be treated like this." The problem began last month as Gordon was attempting to board an airplane at the R.J. Squirrel Airport in Frostbite Falls, Minnesota. "These guys are supposed to be some kind of professionals," she said, "but they’re dumber than rocks. Here they were letting guys who looked just like terrorists walk through without searching them, and then they pull me aside and tell me they’re going to search me? I don’t think so." According to one witness, Bud Cort of Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio, one guard, "who weighed about 300 pounds, looked like he was drunk, and had his shirt out, told this woman she couldn’t board the plane unless they searched her. He was really rude. That’s when the trouble started." Videotapes showed that Gordon ran the guard down with her motorized wheelchair, then sat on top of the screaming man while spinning her chair in circles. "Doofus was so fat he couldn’t get up," said Gordon with a giggle. One guard who attempted to pull Gordon’s wheelchair off of the screaming man from behind was hit over the head with an oxygen bottle and left spreadeagled unconscious on the floor. A third guard, who approached Gordon from the front, was left dazed on the floor, holding his head in his heads and crying like a girl. Witnesses said she was cackling, "Put your hands on an old lady, will you?" as she repeatedly and energetically thumped both guards with her oxygen bottle. The tape also showed a fourth guard attempting to grab Gordon’s wheelchair. Gordon removed a knitting needle from her purse and stabbed him in his left buttock. "What a wimp," she told reporters. "He started screaming and grabbing his butt and running like a puppy that someone kicked." "It was amazing," said another witness, Scott Ryan, also of Cuyahoga Falls, a professor of music at Ohio Express University and author of Yusef Islam: Cat Stevens Declawed. "The whole crowd just stood there cheering and clapping. I mean, she was whupping butt." A fifth guard that attempted to grab Gordon had the seat of his pants set on fire with a cigarette lighter that Gordon pulled from her purse. "He just went whoosh across the concourse, screaming and slapping at all these flames flying out of his rear," said Ryan. A sixth guard did finally manage to get Gordon in a body hug. "I think that was the wrong thing to do," said another witness, who declined to be identified. "She just grabbed him by his greasy hair with one hand and cracked him across the jaw with her skinny fist. And down and out he went." The tapes showed that as the first guard under the wheelchair was getting up, Gordon grabbed him in a headlock, hit him several times in his forehead with a gnarled fist, and yelled, "Apologize to me, you fat sumbitch, or when I’m done with you you’ll just be a greasy spot on the floor!" As the crowd roared, the guard cried, "I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Uncle! I won’t do it again!" Finally, Gordon surrendered without further incident, and was taken to jail and released on her own recognizance. "We didn’t have any choice," said an unidentified officer of the court. "Over 200 people showed up to support her. I think if we had demanded bail, there would have been a riot." Over 20 lawyers offered to defend her for free. However, realizing the precariousness of the case, Gordon was not charged with anything. "I doubt there’s a jury in the whole country that would have found her guilty of anything," said one of the lawyers. "Now this is the way America is supposed to be," Gordon announced. "I’m flying again tomorrow, and I suggest no one at the airport so much as look at me wrong."
Poster Comment: This one turned into an Urban Legend that was debunked by Snopes, was read on several radio programs, and got me some radio interviews.
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#16. To: farmfriend (#14)
4 feet? I know you meant inches, but you said feet. :)
God is always good!
Yes feet! The Armadillo penis is so large compared to its body that if it were human it would be 4'.
"Every Person born within the limits of the United States, and subject to their jurisdiction, is by virtue of natural law and national law a citizen of the United States. This will not, of course, include persons born in the United States who are foreigners, aliens, who belong to the families of ambassadors or foreign ministers accredited to the Government of the United States, but will include every other class of persons. If only it were true...!
Don't give the mad scientists any ideas, they will merge a human with a armadillo through genetic engineering just for the kicks of it.
God is always good!
I wish! I just get horny sometimes. My hornyness is cured by flirting online, and jerking-off (alot) until my testosterone level gets back to normal. ------- Okay, this Armadillo character's outta control.
LOL I think we all can say that. I hate the whole testosterone thing. You get these weird facial hairs...
"Every Person born within the limits of the United States, and subject to their jurisdiction, is by virtue of natural law and national law a citizen of the United States. This will not, of course, include persons born in the United States who are foreigners, aliens, who belong to the families of ambassadors or foreign ministers accredited to the Government of the United States, but will include every other class of persons. Mmmm yes he is.
"Every Person born within the limits of the United States, and subject to their jurisdiction, is by virtue of natural law and national law a citizen of the United States. This will not, of course, include persons born in the United States who are foreigners, aliens, who belong to the families of ambassadors or foreign ministers accredited to the Government of the United States, but will include every other class of persons. deleted
The relationship between morality and liberty is a directly proportional one.
Okay, this Armadillo character's outta control. Sounds a lot like Turtle's style. Turtle is not Armadillo. Turtles have the advantage of being cuter than armadillos, which are weird- looking animals usually found dead on the side of Texas roads.
"Society is, always has been and always will be a structure for the exploitation and oppression of the majority through systems of political force dictated by an élite, enforced by thugs, uniformed or not, and upheld by a willful ignorance and stupidity on the part of the very majority whom the system oppresses." -- Richard K. Morgan
On the other hand............ Turtles are weird looking animals that are usually found dead between railroad tracks across the USA. Let's put it up for a vote: Turtle Armadillo "The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. ... We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of." Edward Bernays, Father of Public Relations
This is the correct photo.
"Society is, always has been and always will be a structure for the exploitation and oppression of the majority through systems of political force dictated by an élite, enforced by thugs, uniformed or not, and upheld by a willful ignorance and stupidity on the part of the very majority whom the system oppresses." -- Richard K. Morgan
Where's your teeth? lol
"The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. ... We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of." Edward Bernays, Father of Public Relations
My teeth are in my head! I have them filed to points.
"Society is, always has been and always will be a structure for the exploitation and oppression of the majority through systems of political force dictated by an élite, enforced by thugs, uniformed or not, and upheld by a willful ignorance and stupidity on the part of the very majority whom the system oppresses." -- Richard K. Morgan
Turtle on LSD or some other sort of mind altering substance. "The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. ... We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of." Edward Bernays, Father of Public Relations
Turtle does not need any of it, being naturally high. A woman at work told another worker about me: "He's funny." She thought I did not hear. I told her, "You think I'm a goober?" and told her what it meant. She said, "No, actually, I'm a goober!"
"Society is, always has been and always will be a structure for the exploitation and oppression of the majority through systems of political force dictated by an élite, enforced by thugs, uniformed or not, and upheld by a willful ignorance and stupidity on the part of the very majority whom the system oppresses." -- Richard K. Morgan
You fib so much, everytime you open your mouth your pants explode into flames.
"Society is, always has been and always will be a structure for the exploitation and oppression of the majority through systems of political force dictated by an élite, enforced by thugs, uniformed or not, and upheld by a willful ignorance and stupidity on the part of the very majority whom the system oppresses." -- Richard K. Morgan
Here's Granny's lip smackin' turtle soup recipe: Bon Appetit!! Ingredients for Turtle Soup Recipe •3 pints clear white stock •1 can green turtle •1 onion •2 tablespoons butter •1 tablespoon flour •½ teaspoon salt •¼ teaspoon paprika •1 lemon •½ glassful sherry •6 cloves •6 peppercorns •1 bay leaf •1 blade mace •1 teaspoon mixed sweet herbs Instructions 1.Simmer the turtle meat for an hour in the stock, with the sweet herbs and spices tied loosely in a piece of cheesecloth. 2.Slice the onion and cook it in the butter but do not let it brown much; add the flour to the onion and butter and stir until smooth. 3.Add this to the hot soup with the salt and paprika; let it simmer until thoroughly blended, then add the sherry and meat. 4.Serve with a very thin slice of lemon in each plate.
"The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. ... We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of." Edward Bernays, Father of Public Relations
You can't fool me, you got that off of the internet, you've never eaten a turtle in your life!
"Society is, always has been and always will be a structure for the exploitation and oppression of the majority through systems of political force dictated by an élite, enforced by thugs, uniformed or not, and upheld by a willful ignorance and stupidity on the part of the very majority whom the system oppresses." -- Richard K. Morgan
Ah yes, hot pants abraxas. LOL
"Every Person born within the limits of the United States, and subject to their jurisdiction, is by virtue of natural law and national law a citizen of the United States. This will not, of course, include persons born in the United States who are foreigners, aliens, who belong to the families of ambassadors or foreign ministers accredited to the Government of the United States, but will include every other class of persons. Balderdash and poppycock! Anyone who spends time in the woods knows that turtles are hideous, cold blooded, sometimes dangerous, ill-tempered, slow moving creatures. Armadillos on the other hand are shy, reclusive, peaceful, useful, mostly harmless, and amazingly cute. As for being "Post of the day" and/or "out of control"... Do you live in a bubble or something? Some people clearly have no idea what out of control is. ------- As for being "Post of the day" and/or "out of control"... Do you
live in a bubble or something? Some people clearly have no idea what out of
control is.
[comment removed:cv] [comment removed:cv]
------- Fuckin weirdo.
As a PSA here, I'll give everyone who desires to see any adult activities, of any sexual persuasion, streaming, not downloaded and opened, although, if you wish, you may save any of the clips to your machines if you wish, an active link. I will now use the ever popular Ignore Thread feature of 4, and go start dinner prep.
What do you expect? Wudidiz is CANADIAN!
"Every Person born within the limits of the United States, and subject to their jurisdiction, is by virtue of natural law and national law a citizen of the United States. This will not, of course, include persons born in the United States who are foreigners, aliens, who belong to the families of ambassadors or foreign ministers accredited to the Government of the United States, but will include every other class of persons. Don't piss me off. Back off the Dillo.
"Every Person born within the limits of the United States, and subject to their jurisdiction, is by virtue of natural law and national law a citizen of the United States. This will not, of course, include persons born in the United States who are foreigners, aliens, who belong to the families of ambassadors or foreign ministers accredited to the Government of the United States, but will include every other class of persons. lol......I'm smokin'. : P
"The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. ... We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of." Edward Bernays, Father of Public Relations
Well that explains everything. ------- Dont be sad. The internet is full of gay sites that will provide you with what you seek. Have fun. No, I don't want to see you jerk off. I was being sarcastic. I was mostly kidding about you being outta control, but just the same, posting about how horny you are and how you have to jerk off (alot) is at least slightly inappropriate imo.
Don't piss me off. Back off the Dillo. Go suck an egg.
Why is everything red? Somebody didn't close a tag. I remember on FR people would forget to close a tag and everything would be in 2' letters or worse scrolling across the screen.
"Every Person born within the limits of the United States, and subject to their jurisdiction, is by virtue of natural law and national law a citizen of the United States. This will not, of course, include persons born in the United States who are foreigners, aliens, who belong to the families of ambassadors or foreign ministers accredited to the Government of the United States, but will include every other class of persons. Yes, but what are you smoking?
"Society is, always has been and always will be a structure for the exploitation and oppression of the majority through systems of political force dictated by an élite, enforced by thugs, uniformed or not, and upheld by a willful ignorance and stupidity on the part of the very majority whom the system oppresses." -- Richard K. Morgan
deleted
The relationship between morality and liberty is a directly proportional one.
Liberty is not a means to a higher political end. It is itself the highest political end. He (Gordon Duff) also implies that forcibly removing Obama, a Constitution-hating, on-the-down-low, crackhead Communist, is an attack on America, Mom, and apple pie. I swear these military people are worse than useless. Just look around at the condition of the country and tell me if they have fulfilled their oaths to protect the nation from all enemies foreign and domestic. deleted
The relationship between morality and liberty is a directly proportional one.
deleted
The relationship between morality and liberty is a directly proportional one.
My tires over the top of turtle shells.........
"The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. ... We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of." Edward Bernays, Father of Public Relations
You must scream four or five times a day when your pants explode into flames because of all the fibbing you do.
"Society is, always has been and always will be a structure for the exploitation and oppression of the majority through systems of political force dictated by an élite, enforced by thugs, uniformed or not, and upheld by a willful ignorance and stupidity on the part of the very majority whom the system oppresses." -- Richard K. Morgan
Not everyone can have a 4' penis.
#17. To: RickyJ (#16)
4 feet? I know you meant inches, but you said feet. :)
Senator Jacob Howard, Co-author of the citizenship clause of the 14th Amendment, 1866.
#18. To: Turtle (#0)
#19. To: farmfriend (#17)
#20. To: abraxas, farmfriend (#12)
I'm thinking Dillo must have had a little action lately.
I'm very shy in "real life" and have a hard time meeting women. It's been a while since I enjoyed the fruits of femininity.
I'm so horny now, I have the hots for a 30ish butch lesbian coworker. She's NOT my type at all, she looks like a teenage boy!
...but I'd pound her poontang in an instant if she'd let me.
Sorry if my occasional creepyness disturbs anyone.
"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known."
-Carl Sagan.
#21. To: All (#20)
#22. To: Armadillo, *Post Of The Day* (#20)
My hornyness is cured by flirting online, and jerking-off (alot) until my testosterone level gets back to normal.
#23. To: Armadillo, abraxas, wudidiz, christine (#20)
My hornyness is cured by flirting online, and jerking-off (alot) until my testosterone level gets back to normal.
Senator Jacob Howard, Co-author of the citizenship clause of the 14th Amendment, 1866.
#24. To: wudidiz, Armadillo, abraxas, christine (#21)
Okay, this Armadillo character's outta control.
Senator Jacob Howard, Co-author of the citizenship clause of the 14th Amendment, 1866.
#25. To: wudidiz (#21)
#26. To: Eric Stratton, farmfriend, abraxas (#25)
#27. To: Turtle, all (#26)
#28. To: abraxas (#27)
#29. To: Turtle (#28)
#30. To: abraxas (#29)
Where's your teeth? lol
#31. To: Turtle (#28)
#32. To: abraxas (#31)
Turtle on LSD or some other sort of mind altering substance.
#33. To: abraxas (#9)
She also makes delicious skewered turtle on the BBQ just like I do. : )
#34. To: Turtle (#33)
#35. To: abraxas (#34)
#36. To: Turtle, abraxas (#33)
You fib so much, everytime you open your mouth your pants explode into flames.
Senator Jacob Howard, Co-author of the citizenship clause of the 14th Amendment, 1866.
#37. To: Turtle, farmfriend, abraxas, wudidiz, Eric Stratton (#26)
(Edited)
Turtles have the advantage of being cuter than armadillos, which are weird- looking animals usually found dead on the side of Texas roads.
Then there's the four foot armadillo penis... do turtles even have a penis?
Armadillo --->
"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known."
-Carl Sagan.
#38. To: Armadillo (#37)
Armadillo --->
![](http://www.armadilloaerospace.com/fmt/pagedefs/aa_public/xhtml/widget.gif")
![]("http://www.dilloscape.com/DC/rotflmao.gif)
#39. To: wudidiz (#38)
"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known."
-Carl Sagan.
#40. To: Armadillo (#39)
#41. To: The Forum, all, 4 (#40)
#42. To: Armadillo, Turtle, abraxas, wudidiz, Eric Stratton, Original_Intent, christine (#37)
As for being "Post of the day" and/or "out of control"... Do you live in a bubble or something? Some people clearly have no idea what out of control is.
Senator Jacob Howard, Co-author of the citizenship clause of the 14th Amendment, 1866.
#43. To: wudidiz (#40)
Fuckin weirdo.
Senator Jacob Howard, Co-author of the citizenship clause of the 14th Amendment, 1866.
#44. To: farmfriend, Turtle (#36)
everytime you open your mouth your pants explode into flames. Ah yes, hot pants abraxas. LOL
#45. To: farmfriend (#42)
(Edited)
What do you expect? Wudidiz is CANADIAN!
"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known."
-Carl Sagan.
#46. To: Armadillo (#39)
I'm flattered that you want to experience those things Wudidiz. But I will have to decline. Sorry.
#47. To: farmfriend (#43)
Fuckin weirdo.
#48. To: wudidiz, christine (#47)
Go suck an egg.
Senator Jacob Howard, Co-author of the citizenship clause of the 14th Amendment, 1866.
#49. To: abraxas (#44)
lol......I'm smokin'. : P
#50. To: Armadillo (#37)
#51. To: Eric Stratton (#50)
(Edited)
Lord Acton
OsamaBinGoldstein posted on 2010-05-25 9:39:59 ET (2 images) Reply Trace
#52. To: wudidiz (#40)
#53. To: wudidiz (#38)
#54. To: Turtle (#49)
Yes, but what are you smoking?
#55. To: abraxas (#54)
My tires over the top of turtle shells.........
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