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Pious Perverts
See other Pious Perverts Articles

Title: Rapture Pet Insurance
Source: Eternal Earth-Bounds Pets
URL Source: [None]
Published: Sep 14, 2010
Author: Unknown
Post Date: 2010-09-14 11:59:51 by Turtle
Keywords: None
Views: 2752
Comments: 50

Effective Sept. 2010: NOW SERVICING ALABAMA and OHIO

You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

We are currently active in 24 states. Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet's natural life.

We currently cover the following states: Maine,New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Michigan, Arkansas, Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky, Colorado, Oklahoma, Kansas, Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Montana, North Carolina, Georgia, Alabama and Ohio.

Our service is plain and simple; our fee structure is reasonable. For $110.00 we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved. Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $15.00 fee. A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of your four legged and feathered friends.

Unfortunately at this time we are not equipped to accommodate all species and must limit our services to dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, and small caged mammals. [Please note: we can now offer rescue services for horses, camels, llamas and donkeys in NH,VT, ID and MT ]

Thank you for your interest in Eternal Earth-Bound Pets. We hope we can help provide you with peace of mind.

Please visit our FAQS page

{Note: A portion of income generated from advertising on this site is contributed to community food shelves / food banks in Minnesota and New Hampshire}


Poster Comment:

I hope none of those disgusting non-Christians, when they get raptured straight to Hell (which is where they are all going) have any pugs I have to save.

Don't much care about chihuahaus and other yappy little dogs.

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#10. To: Turtle (#0)

I hope none of those disgusting non-Christians, when they get raptured straight to Hell (which is where they are all going) have any pugs I have to save

The great thing is that if you're Left Behind (tm), you're going to hell anyway, so you're under no obligation to Do Good (tm) any longer. So hey, little smushed face pug doesn't get taken care of. Heck, don't take care of any of them, what's going to happen, you get sent to Double Top Secret Hell? heh.

SonOfLiberty  posted on  2010-09-14   13:23:46 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#12. To: SonOfLiberty (#10) (Edited)

The great thing is that if you're Left Behind (tm), you're going to hell anyway, so you're under no obligation to Do Good (tm) any longer.

If there is a Hell, I think down there will also be Christians with their own type of makeshift churches, preaching the Bible because it's what they're used to doing.

PnbC  posted on  2010-09-14   13:30:38 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


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