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Title: Rapture Pet Insurance
Source:
Eternal Earth-Bounds Pets
URL Source: [None]
Published: Sep 14, 2010
Author: Unknown
Post Date: 2010-09-14 11:59:51 by Turtle
Keywords: None
Views: 1651
Comments: 50
Effective Sept. 2010: NOW SERVICING ALABAMA and OHIO You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind. We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus. We are currently active in 24 states. Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet's natural life. We currently cover the following states: Maine,New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Michigan, Arkansas, Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky, Colorado, Oklahoma, Kansas, Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Montana, North Carolina, Georgia, Alabama and Ohio. Our service is plain and simple; our fee structure is reasonable. For $110.00 we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved. Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $15.00 fee. A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of your four legged and feathered friends. Unfortunately at this time we are not equipped to accommodate all species and must limit our services to dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, and small caged mammals. [Please note: we can now offer rescue services for horses, camels, llamas and donkeys in NH,VT, ID and MT ] Thank you for your interest in Eternal Earth-Bound Pets. We hope we can help provide you with peace of mind. Please visit our FAQS page {Note: A portion of income generated from advertising on this site is contributed to community food shelves / food banks in Minnesota and New Hampshire}
Poster Comment: I hope none of those disgusting non-Christians, when they get raptured straight to Hell (which is where they are all going) have any pugs I have to save. Don't much care about chihuahaus and other yappy little dogs.
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Begin Trace Mode for Comment # 49.
#5. To: Turtle (#0)
I'm jealous I didn't think of this con game first.
I wouldn't call it a Con game. Rather it is W.C. Fields/Menckenesque: "Never give a sucker an even break."
I wonder if A K A Stone's pet is covered too.
The Book of Matthew Return to Index Chapter 24 1 And Jesus went out, and departed from the temple: and his disciples came to him for to shew him the buildings of the temple. 2 And Jesus said unto them, See ye not all these things? verily I say unto you, There shall not be left here one stone upon another, that shall not be thrown down. 3 And as he sat upon the mount of Olives, the disciples came unto him privately, saying, Tell us, when shall these things be? and what shall be the sign of thy coming, and of the end of the world? 4 And Jesus answered and said unto them, Take heed that no man deceive you. 5 For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many. 6 And ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet. 7 For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places. Isa 19:2 Mark 13:8 Luke 21:10 8 All these are the beginning of sorrows. 9 Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name's sake. 10 And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another. 11 And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many. 12 And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold. 13 But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved. 14 And this gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in all the world for a witness unto all nations; and then shall the end come. 15 When ye therefore shall see the abomination of desolation, spoken of by Daniel the prophet, stand in the holy place, (whoso readeth, let him understand:) Dan 9:27,12:11 Mark 13:14 16 Then let them which be in Judaea flee into the mountains: 17 Let him which is on the housetop not come down to take any thing out of his house: 18 Neither let him which is in the field return back to take his clothes. 19 And woe unto them that are with child, and to them that give suck in those days! 20 But pray ye that your flight be not in the winter, neither on the sabbath day: 21 For then shall be great tribulation, such as was not since the beginning of the world to this time, no, nor ever shall be. Dan 12:1 Mark 13:19 22 And except those days should be shortened, there should no flesh be saved: but for the elect's sake those days shall be shortened. 23 Then if any man shall say unto you, Lo, here is Christ, or there; believe it not. 24 For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect. 25 Behold, I have told you before. 26 Wherefore if they shall say unto you, Behold, he is in the desert; go not forth: behold, he is in the secret chambers; believe it not. 27 For as the lightning cometh out of the east, and shineth even unto the west; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be. 28 For wheresoever the carcase is, there will the eagles be gathered together. 29 Immediately after the tribulation of those days shall the sun be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken: Isa 13:10 Mark 13:25 Luke 21:26 30 And then shall appear the sign of the Son of man in heaven: and then shall all the tribes of the earth mourn, and they shall see the Son of man coming in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory. Zech 12:12 Dan 7:13 Mark 13:26 Luke 21:27 31 And he shall send his angels with a great sound of a trumpet, and they shall gather together his elect from the four winds, from one end of heaven to the other. Deut 30:4 1 Thess 4:16,17 32 Now learn a parable of the fig tree; When his branch is yet tender, and putteth forth leaves, ye know that summer is nigh: 33 So likewise ye, when ye shall see all these things, know that it is near, even at the doors. 34 Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till all these things be fulfilled. 35 Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away. 36 But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only. 37 But as the days of Noe were, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be. 38 For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, 39 And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be. 40 Then shall two be in the field; the one shall be taken, and the other left. 41 Two women shall be grinding at the mill; the one shall be taken, and the other left. 42 Watch therefore: for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come. 43 But know this, that if the goodman of the house had known in what watch the thief would come, he would have watched, and would not have suffered his house to be broken up. 44 Therefore be ye also ready: for in such an hour as ye think not the Son of man cometh. 45 Who then is a faithful and wise servant, whom his lord hath made ruler over his household, to give them meat in due season? 46 Blessed is that servant, whom his lord when he cometh shall find so doing. 47 Verily I say unto you, That he shall make him ruler over all his goods. 48 But and if that evil servant shall say in his heart, My lord delayeth his coming; 49 And shall begin to smite his fellowservants, and to eat and drink with the drunken; 50 The lord of that servant shall come in a day when he looketh not for him, and in an hour that he is not aware of, 51 And shall cut him asunder, and appoint him his portion with the hypocrites: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.
Go away, asshole. I'm here to discuss events and politics, and you are here humorless with a thin skin. This is spam. I don't read your religious text. It is unwelcome scrollby. Ping. Stone thinks he's a Catholic nun religious instructor christine. This guy just does not have any shame or a clue.
Calm down Mikey. Take a deep breath. You pinged me. Exahale. Now the text. There is a reason I posted that specific verse. Read what you said and look at what I posted. It is related to what I believe and what you said. If you read it you will know what I think about the rapture.
Later, I'm back outside to continue to work on my motorcycle. Unbelievible, just unreal.
Mike in those verses the apostles ask Jesus what the sings of the end of the world are. He answers them. He mentions many things. He doesn't mention a rapture. A word which doesn't appear in the Bible. What people refer to as the rapture in my opinion is a confusion with the second coming of christ, which happens after the tribulation period in my opinion.
I don't care. There are billions of stars, and no doubt other civilizations that are out in the Universe. No doubt many of them have their own religions too. Stone, it tries my patience to be preached to. I don't care to re-read the Bible right now. It is a historical source and that is how I treat it. I look at how it was mis-translated and why, what was cut out of it and why. etc etc. Give it a rest. There is no point to this.
Thats a laugh. The bible is the source of alot of hogwash, including the earth is flat, the earth is the center of the solar system, and the age of the universe is close to the origin of the jewish calendar. Galileo was persecuted because of bible mythological hogwash. Simpleton bible believers don't realize their current zio-tyranny is a continuation of ancient tyrannies of the catholic church that were justified at that time by, you guessed it, bible hogwash.
Hey dummy. Yeah i'm talking to you. The Bible doesn't say the world is flat. On the contrary it says it is round. That is what Columbus went on.
#50. To: A K A Stone (#49)
(Edited)
Here you go featherhead... www.rejectionofpasc alswager.net/astronomy.html The Flat Earth We know today that the earth has the shape of a slightly flattened sphere. Unlike evolution, the proofs of a spherical earth are known to every school child.[a] But the Bible contains passages that almost certainly show that its authors believed the world to be flat. Take, for instance, the following verses from the book of Daniel Daniel 4:10-11 The visions of my head as I lay in bed were these: I saw, and behold, a tree in the midst of the earth; and its height was great. The tree grew and became strong, and its top reached to heaven, and it was visible to the end of the whole earth. A question naturally arises, where is the "end of the earth", this phrase only makes literal sense if the author believed the world to be flat. The context of the verse shows clearly that phrase "end of the earth" cannot be interpreted allegorically as "all over the world". On a sphere, there can be no object which can be seen everywhere from its surface: how many people in the southern hemisphere can see the north star? Thus a tree, even of infinite length, cannot be seen from everywhere in the world. So the only way a tree can be "visible to the end of the whole earth" is for the earth to have been flat. The author of the book of Daniel is a flat-earther. There are of course many other passages which refer to the "end of the earth" (Deuteronomy 13:7, 28:64, I Samuel 2:10, and Job 28:24) - all of which indicated the belief in a flat earth. There is another passage which gives further support to the fact that the original authors of the Bible were flat earthers. This one is from the book of Isaiah: Isaiah 40:22 It is he who sits above the circle of the earth, and its inhabitants are like grasshoppers; who stretches out the heavens like a curtain, and spreads them like a tent to dwell in; The presence of the word circle [b] here has led some over enthusiastic Christians to solicit this passage as proof that the Bible tells of a spherical earth. This however is not the case. True, a circle and a sphere are both "round", but the shapes are not interchangeable. A coin is an example of a circular object, flat but circular. A tennis ball is an example of a spherical object. The shapes are different. Note further the use of the word tent to describe the sky. A tent is something you put on a flat surface. There has never been a tent that is a spherical object enveloping another spherical object, as is the earth's atmosphere which forms the bluish sky or heavens. Figure 4.6 below shows what the author of Isaiah actually meant: [1] The "circle" of the Earth: A flat object. In passing, it should come as no surprise that the last bulwark of flat- earthism is a fundamentalist biblical sect. The movement had its beginning in 1895 when Scottish faith healer John Alexander Dowie founded the Christian Catholic Apostolic Church in Zion, Illinois. In 1905, the leadership of the church was taken over by Wilbur Glenn Voliva. Voliva made no bones about his beliefs: "We are the fundamentalists, we are the only true fundamentalists." Voliva was a convinced flat earther and declared that he wants to "...strain the gnat of evolution and swallow the camel of modern astronomy." Voliva died in 1942 but the flat earth movement is still alive and is presently headquartered in Lancaster, California.[2]
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#8. To: Ferret (#5)
I'm jealous I didn't think of this con game first.
#13. To: Original_Intent (#8)
#27. To: Ferret (#13)
#28. To: A K A Stone, christine (#27)
(Edited)
#29. To: Ferret (#28)
#34. To: A K A Stone (#29)
#35. To: Ferret (#34)
#41. To: A K A Stone (#35)
#46. To: Ferret (#41)
(Edited)
I don't care to re-read the Bible right now. It is a historical source and that is how I treat it.
#49. To: Googolplex (#46)
Replies to Comment # 49. Hey dummy. Yeah i'm talking to you. The Bible doesn't say the world is flat. On the contrary it says it is round. That is what Columbus went on.
End Trace Mode for Comment # 49.