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Title: Turtle Gets a $400 Check
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Published: Oct 4, 2010
Author: Turtle
Post Date: 2010-10-04 13:33:06 by Turtle
Keywords: None
Views: 499
Comments: 18
A few days I found a notice in my mailbox to pick up a certified letter. Usually that means nothing good for me. It turns out a place I worked at several years ago was the subject of a year-long Department of Labor investigation, and it was determined I was one of about six people who were owed money. I have no idea why. The letter eclosed said, "Please keep this confidential," meaning, Please don't contact any of the other workers and tell them about this. Actually it was for $402, and I don't have the slightest idea how it was determined I was owed money. So I cashed it and put some in the bank.
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#1. To: Turtle (#0)
Some Jew YOU are!
The noblest man will marry the lowest daughter of a base family, if only she brings in money. And a lady will share her bed with a foul rich man, preferring gold to pedigree. Money is all. Good breeds with bad and race is lost. -- Theognis
Need some DVDs. I need another printer.
~~~~~~~ Get them from the library. Try pen and paper. Sheesh. Mooches!
"If ever this vast country is brought under a single government, it will be one of the most extensive corruption, indifferent and incapable of a wholesome care over so wide a spread of surface. This will not be borne, and you will have to choose between reform and revolution. If I know the spirit of this country, the one or the other is inevitable." - Thomas Jefferson
Dear mr. turtle: First and foremost, I want to congratulate you on your recent unexpected cash reward! I have been requested by the Nigerian National Petroleum Company to contact you for assistance in resolving a matter. The Nigerian National Petroleum Company has recently concluded a large number of contracts for oil exploration in the sub-Sahara region. The contracts have immediately produced moneys equalling US$40,000,000. The Nigerian National Petroleum Company is desirous of oil exploration in other parts of the world, however, because of certain regulations of the Nigerian Government, it is unable to move these funds to another region. You assistance is requested as a non-Nigerian citizen to assist the Nigerian National Petroleum Company, and also the Central Bank of Nigeria, in moving these funds out of Nigeria. If the funds can be transferred to your real name, in your United States Bank account, then you can forward the funds as directed by the Nigerian National Petroleum Company. In exchange for your accommodating services, the Nigerian National Petroleum Company would agree to allow you to retain 10%, or US$4 million of this amount. However, to be a legitimate transferee of these moneys according to Nigerian law, you must presently be a depositor of at least USD $400 in a Nigerian bank which is regulated by the Central Bank of Nigeria. If it will be possible for you to assist us, we would be most grateful. Please private email [here at 4um] at your earliest convenience. Time is of the essence in this matter; very quickly the Nigerian Government will realize that the Central Bank is maintaining this amount on deposit, and attempt to levy certain depository taxes on it. Yours truly, your pal always, buckeroo
"we ought to lay off the criticism" -- Pinguinite, circa 2010-05-26 22:17:22 ET
Banked the two bucks, huh?????
Turtle's savin' up to put a hood on his F-150. That's his gurl magnet.
I would like to direct this to the distinguished members of the panel: You lousy cork-soakers. You have violated my farging rights. Dis somanumbatching country was founded so that the liberties of common patriotic citizens like me could not be taken away by a bunch of fargin iceholes... like yourselves. Thank you. - Roman Moroni
Buy 73 tubs of Turtle Wax Super Hard Shell Paste Wax. 693 oz should last a while. ------- I banked $200 and kept the rest for myself. I celebrated wiht a bottle of mead, which I drink out of the skulls of my enemies. It's why I don't have any enemies
"If ever this vast country is brought under a single government, it will be one of the most extensive corruption, indifferent and incapable of a wholesome care over so wide a spread of surface. This will not be borne, and you will have to choose between reform and revolution. If I know the spirit of this country, the one or the other is inevitable." - Thomas Jefferson
Did not. The "hot" money was burning your shell so you blew it all but two bucks.
I banked $200 and kept the rest for myself. Did not. I bought a bottle of mead, a pack of cigars, a new electric razor since mine had burnt out, adn the rest is still in my wallet. I put $100 in my savings and $100 in my checking.
"If ever this vast country is brought under a single government, it will be one of the most extensive corruption, indifferent and incapable of a wholesome care over so wide a spread of surface. This will not be borne, and you will have to choose between reform and revolution. If I know the spirit of this country, the one or the other is inevitable." - Thomas Jefferson
Savings????????? What a waste. There are gurls out there just waiting to be wined and dined. Course, you are a cheapskate.
What a waste. There are gurls out there just waiting to be wined and dined. Course, you are a cheapskate. Hey, my savings account pays %1.41, and my CDs pay about %2.5. I'm raking in the big bucks. I get gurls to pay me, It's not much - maybe a quarter, fifty cents -- but I put all of it in the bank.
"If ever this vast country is brought under a single government, it will be one of the most extensive corruption, indifferent and incapable of a wholesome care over so wide a spread of surface. This will not be borne, and you will have to choose between reform and revolution. If I know the spirit of this country, the one or the other is inevitable." - Thomas Jefferson
Nonsense. Smoking the bad weed again?????
I get gurls to pay me, Nonsense. Smoking the bad weed again????? I quit that when I was 18. I get to pay me, like Joe Buck in "Midnight Cowboy." I just put on my cowboy hat and pointy-toed cowboy boots, and the hoosier gurls just swoon.
"If ever this vast country is brought under a single government, it will be one of the most extensive corruption, indifferent and incapable of a wholesome care over so wide a spread of surface. This will not be borne, and you will have to choose between reform and revolution. If I know the spirit of this country, the one or the other is inevitable." - Thomas Jefferson
Braggart.
No, brag, just fact.
"If ever this vast country is brought under a single government, it will be one of the most extensive corruption, indifferent and incapable of a wholesome care over so wide a spread of surface. This will not be borne, and you will have to choose between reform and revolution. If I know the spirit of this country, the one or the other is inevitable." - Thomas Jefferson
Nonsense. Fact... In the military I had two girl friends that lived together. They lived 100 miles from the base. I would hitch a ride there on Friday afternoon, bunk with them over the weekend. Booze all weekend, bar to bar, wheeee. Late Sunday nite they would drive me back to base and give me spending money for the week. Two Turtle, TWO.....wheeeee Dont ask for details.
Horsefeathers. Braggart. Nonsense!
"If ever this vast country is brought under a single government, it will be one of the most extensive corruption, indifferent and incapable of a wholesome care over so wide a spread of surface. This will not be borne, and you will have to choose between reform and revolution. If I know the spirit of this country, the one or the other is inevitable." - Thomas Jefferson
#2. To: Turtle (#0)
Best Movie Monologue
#3. To: wakeup (#2)
Need some DVDs. I need another printer.
#4. To: Turtle (#0)
So I cashed it and put some in the bank.
#5. To: Turtle (#0)
So I cashed it and put some in the bank.
#6. To: Cynicom (#5)
#7. To: Turtle (#0)
"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known."
-Carl Sagan.
#8. To: Cynicom (#5)
(Edited)
Banked the two bucks, huh?????
#9. To: Turtle (#8)
I banked $200 and kept the rest for myself.
#10. To: Cynicom (#9)
#11. To: Turtle (#10)
#12. To: Cynicom (#11)
Savings?????????
#13. To: Turtle (#12)
I get gurls to pay me,
#14. To: Cynicom (#13)
#15. To: Turtle (#14)
the hoosier gurls just swoon.
#16. To: Cynicom (#15)
Braggart.
#17. To: Turtle (#16)
#18. To: Cynicom (#17)
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