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Title: Turtle Multitasks
Source:
Unclebob's Treehouse
URL Source: [None]
Published: Oct 10, 2010
Author: Turtle
Post Date: 2010-10-10 13:50:51 by Turtle
Keywords: None
Views: 572
Comments: 22
Me: Dum de dum dum. New Girlfriend: What are you doing? Me: I’m taking a bath in your bathtub. NG: I can see that. I can also see that you’re drinking a cup of coffee and smoking a cigar. But why do you have your shirt in the tub with you? Me: I’m multitasking. I’m washing my shirt along with me. NG: Do you do this a lot? Me: All the time. I buy a gallon of Dr. Bronners citric liquid soap and I wash me, my hair and my clothes in it. It’s dumb to buy shampoo for your hair, soap for your body and detergent for your clothes. It’s a waste of money. Instead I use Dr. Bronners. A gallon costs like $50 but I dilute it and it goes a long way. NG: Don’t you think you’re kinda weird? Me: Some people think that about me, but I see myself as logical and saving a lot of money. I don’t use toothpaste, either, but baking soda. All those corporations try to brainwash people and take their money -- they try to make you think you are benefitting yourself when you’re really diminishing yourself. I have better things to spend my money on than the over-priced crap created by those Cosmodemonic Transnational Megacorporations. I hate them. NG: You think you’re logical? Me: I’m a combination of Spock, Captain Kirk, Scotty and Bones all rolled into one. NG: Is there anything else I should know about you? Me: I buy all my clothes and shoes at thrift stores. The only things I buy new are socks and underwear. There’s a thrift store four blocks from where I live that supports a no-kill shelter and I shop there. Save the pugs! I got a Gevalia coffee-maker for two dollars and a brand-new pair of Nikes for four dollars. I consider myself brilliant. Don’t you? NG; Well, you are smart but you’re still very eccentric. Me: You want to get in the tub with me? NG: Your cigar stinks. Me: (throwing it in the toilet): There! NG: You just threw your cigar in my toilet! Me: Your point? NG: (rolling eyes) Forget it. Me: You ain’t lived until you’ve been scrubbed with Dr. Bronners. I even got a washcloth. I got it at the thrift store, too. Climb in here, honey bunch. NG: God, you are so weird. Me: But lovable! And cute! And adorable! And oodles of fun! NG: You can stop anytime now. Me: Okay.
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#1. To: farmfriend, abraxas (#0)
You can start in now.
"If ever this vast country is brought under a single government, it will be one of the most extensive corruption, indifferent and incapable of a wholesome care over so wide a spread of surface. This will not be borne, and you will have to choose between reform and revolution. If I know the spirit of this country, the one or the other is inevitable." - Thomas Jefferson
You can start in now. LOL
From Blank Cheque Ireland... to Bounced Cheque Ireland.
..... "I even got a washcloth. I got it at the thrift store, too." That's an interesting use for old jocks.. lol
From Blank Cheque Ireland... to Bounced Cheque Ireland.
You wrote a lot of crap in order to make a single point. One of the most interesting marketing campaigns I've seen recently is for the hands free soap dispenser. The idea is that a lot of grubby hands touch the soap dispenser so with the hands free one you are not exposing yourself to these germs. YOU'RE WASHING YOUR HANDS FOR GOD'S SAKE. Are you that much of a germ-a-phobe that you can't handle a few million germs on your hands for the two seconds it takes to move your hands from the soap dispenser to the water stream? Do you have sensor facets in your home as well? How about automatic doors so you don't have to touch the handles?
"Every Person born within the limits of the United States, and subject to their jurisdiction, is by virtue of natural law and national law a citizen of the United States. This will not, of course, include persons born in the United States who are foreigners, aliens, who belong to the families of ambassadors or foreign ministers accredited to the Government of the United States, but will include every other class of persons. It's a true story.
"If ever this vast country is brought under a single government, it will be one of the most extensive corruption, indifferent and incapable of a wholesome care over so wide a spread of surface. This will not be borne, and you will have to choose between reform and revolution. If I know the spirit of this country, the one or the other is inevitable." - Thomas Jefferson
I'm sure it is. It still was a lot of written crap for a singular point.
"Every Person born within the limits of the United States, and subject to their jurisdiction, is by virtue of natural law and national law a citizen of the United States. This will not, of course, include persons born in the United States who are foreigners, aliens, who belong to the families of ambassadors or foreign ministers accredited to the Government of the United States, but will include every other class of persons. Reminds me of Rahm wiping down after greeting the little people.
I didn't know about that. Speaks volumes.
"Every Person born within the limits of the United States, and subject to their jurisdiction, is by virtue of natural law and national law a citizen of the United States. This will not, of course, include persons born in the United States who are foreigners, aliens, who belong to the families of ambassadors or foreign ministers accredited to the Government of the United States, but will include every other class of persons. That's as long as I could endure......
"The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. ... We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of." Edward Bernays, Father of Public Relations
I'm sure it is. It still was a lot of written crap for a singular poin Blue Meanie!
"If ever this vast country is brought under a single government, it will be one of the most extensive corruption, indifferent and incapable of a wholesome care over so wide a spread of surface. This will not be borne, and you will have to choose between reform and revolution. If I know the spirit of this country, the one or the other is inevitable." - Thomas Jefferson
Me: Dum That's as long as I could endure...... Fibs!
"If ever this vast country is brought under a single government, it will be one of the most extensive corruption, indifferent and incapable of a wholesome care over so wide a spread of surface. This will not be borne, and you will have to choose between reform and revolution. If I know the spirit of this country, the one or the other is inevitable." - Thomas Jefferson
Most short prose essays are for a singular point. Swift's long treaty on how to cook Irish babies was for one singular point. Crap, as it were, is in the eye of the beholder. That said, I'm not quite certain what the point of this story was, outside of entertainment. That said, Turtle writes very well from a technical perspective, and his words strike on the chords of the everyman. There's a bit more here than most would think. In any event, slainte! :)
"The more artificial taboos and restrictions there are in the world, the more the people are impoverished.... The more that laws and regulations are given prominence, the more thieves and robbers there will be." - Lao Tzu, 6th century BC
Was that another one of your odd sexual fantasies?
#2. To: Turtle (#1)
To: farmfriend, abraxas
#3. To: Turtle (#0)
"Me: I buy all my clothes and shoes at thrift stores. The only things I buy new are socks and underwear."
#4. To: Turtle, abraxas, Original_Intent, Lod, Armadillo, critter (#0)
All those corporations try to brainwash people and take their money -- they try to make you think you are benefitting yourself when you’re really diminishing yourself. I have better things to spend my money on than the over-priced crap created by those Cosmodemonic Transnational Megacorporations. I hate them.
Senator Jacob Howard, Co-author of the citizenship clause of the 14th Amendment, 1866.
#5. To: farmfriend (#4)
You wrote a lot of crap in order to make a single point.
#6. To: Turtle (#5)
It's a true story.
Senator Jacob Howard, Co-author of the citizenship clause of the 14th Amendment, 1866.
#7. To: farmfriend (#4)
#8. To: Lod (#7)
Reminds me of Rahm wiping down after greeting the little people.
Senator Jacob Howard, Co-author of the citizenship clause of the 14th Amendment, 1866.
#9. To: Turtle, farmfriend (#0)
Me: Dum
#10. To: farmfriend (#6)
It's a true story.
#11. To: abraxas (#9)
#12. To: farmfriend, Turtle (#6)
#13. To: Turtle, farm friend, abraxas (#0)
Waiting too late to oppose tyranny has always led to bloodshed.
Cheap Bulk .223 ammo cases battle packs south african
#14. To: SonOfLiberty (#12)
The IMF are reading that one now as we speak... slainte! That's what the sick fucks will say when they're done with us...
how to cook Irish babies
From Blank Cheque Ireland... to Bounced Cheque Ireland.
#15. To: irishthatcherite (#14)
You're allowed to stand up against them you know? :) I wasn't aware that "slainte" was a semitic cheer. Meh. I've about enough of this crap, fight them brother. We're about to over here.
The IMF are reading that one now as we speak...
That's what the sick fucks will say when they're done with us...
"The more artificial taboos and restrictions there are in the world, the more the people are impoverished.... The more that laws and regulations are given prominence, the more thieves and robbers there will be." - Lao Tzu, 6th century BC
#16. To: farmfriend, Turtle, abraxas, Original_Intent (#4)
It takes an armadillo to decipher a turtles ramblings. Turtle- Dum de dum dum.
Here's what really happened to Turtle-
"New Girlfriend"- SCREEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMM!!!!!
Turtle- Huh? Oh, hello.
"NG"- WHO ARE YOU?! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!
Turtle- I’m taking a bath in your bathtub.
"NG"- I can see that. NOW GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!
Turtle- I’m multitasking. I’m washing my shirt along with me.
"NG"- I'm calling the police!....
Turtle- I buy a gallon of Dr. Bronners citric liquid soap...
"NG"- (On phone) Police? Help there is a strange man in my tub!
Turtle- I’m a combination of Spock, Captain Kirk, Scotty and Bones all rolled into one.
"NG"- (On phone) Please send help... he's weird.
Turtle- I buy all my clothes and shoes at thrift stores.
"NG"- I HAVE A GUN! GET OUT!!!!!!!
Turtle- You want to get in the tub with me?
"NG"- I'LL SHOOT!!!
Turtle- You ain’t lived until you’ve been scrubbed with Dr. Bronners.
"NG"- Your gross. The police are coming. (sirens in the background.)
Turtle- But lovable! And cute! And adorable! And oodles of fun!
"NG"- There he is officer!.
The police take Turtle away.
-------
"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known."
-Carl Sagan.
#17. To: SonOfLiberty (#15)
We'll be doing exactly that.. the country is pissed off to the extreme right now! I wasn't aware that "slainte" was a semitic cheer. Meh. Nah, they'll just say it to fuck with our heads. lol I've about enough of this crap, fight them brother. We're about to over here. Ireland is on the brink of unrest, at least at the scale experienced in Iceland!
You're allowed to stand up against them you know? :)
From Blank Cheque Ireland... to Bounced Cheque Ireland.
#18. To: Armadillo (#16)
LMAO!
From Blank Cheque Ireland... to Bounced Cheque Ireland.
#19. To: Armadillo (#16)
LOL! 
"One of the least understood strategies of the world revolution now moving rapidly toward its goal is the use of mind control as a major means of obtaining the consent of the people who will be subjects of the New World Order." K.M. Heaton, The National Educator
#20. To: irishthatcherite (#17)
Ádh mór ort a chara. (good luck friend) Don't even know if that's right any more in elder tongue. In any event, good luck. :)
"The more artificial taboos and restrictions there are in the world, the more the people are impoverished.... The more that laws and regulations are given prominence, the more thieves and robbers there will be." - Lao Tzu, 6th century BC
#21. To: SonOfLiberty (#20)
Seems close enough.. I dunno, I'm not fluent in Irish Gaelic myself. lol Going by the reaction to this this article by David McWillaims, the people are pissed that we are being sold out, but a poll published today suggests the people believe the IMF and the ECB would do a better job handling the ecomony, I'm gonna guess it's a manufactured poll: Ádh mór ort a chara. (good luck friend) Don't even know if that's right any more in elder tongue. In any event, good luck. :)
From Blank Cheque Ireland... to Bounced Cheque Ireland.
#22. To: SonOfLiberty, farmfriend, abraxas (#12)
I do buy the 1 gallon bottle of Dr. Bronner's. Diluted, I use it for me, dishes, clothes, and furniture. I have saved several hundred dollars not buying soap, shampoo, laundry detergent, dishwashing detergent, furniture polish, etc. I've used that several hundred dollars saved for vacations.
That said, I'm not quite certain what the point of this story was, outside of entertainment
"If ever this vast country is brought under a single government, it will be one of the most extensive corruption, indifferent and incapable of a wholesome care over so wide a spread of surface. This will not be borne, and you will have to choose between reform and revolution. If I know the spirit of this country, the one or the other is inevitable." - Thomas Jefferson
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