When I was in college and working for the student newspaper I had an assignment to cover a presentation by a woman named Dr. Helen Fisher. She was devoting her career to studying relationships; dating, compatibility, flirting.
I would have forgotten about the woman except as she was walking to the podium she was apparently so nervous she crashed into my chair with her hip so hard she pushed me into the table. Otherwise, I don’t remember a thing about her speech.
Years later I saw her on TV, so I found one of her books at the library. From it I found out she had devised a compatibility test for Chemistry.com. I took the test and wondered: is this a serious test?
One of the questions involved expanding or contracting geometric figures until they were the same size. This is fairly easy for men to do, since they have better visual-spatial abilities than women. So what?
Another of he questions involved the relative length of the ring and first fingers. Men almost always have a ring finger longer than the first finger, due to testosterone in the womb. Again, so what?
I did not see one question that predicted compatibility. I took the tests at other sites, such as eHarmony and Match.com, and came to the same conclusions: how could anyone believe these tests predict compatibility?
So I decided to come up with my own compatibility test, which is based on practical questions. If I ever opened a dating site,, I’m sure the people who matched would be compatible.
I think one of the biggest red flags for a relationship is their beliefs on pornography: it is harmless, or is it dangerous? I’d have a scale of about five questions, to find out their beliefs.
Next -- politics. Liberal, conservative, libertarian, classical liberal (how many people these days even know what a classical liberal is?)
Then, religion. Believer, atheist, agnostic? Attend church? How often?
Exercise? A lot? Walk? Swim, golf, camp, hike?
Alcohol and drugs? A lot, moderate, a little bit? Drink once a day or more? Wine, beer, hard liquor?
Sex. Once a day? Every other day? A few times a week? Once a week?
Fidelity? Yes, no? Important, not important?
Bathing (yeah, this is important). More than once a day? Once a day? Every other day? A few times a week?
TV? A lot? Moderate, not much? Hardly at all? Almost never?
Food? Eat out a lot? Lots of different places? Like to try new, exotic foods?
Here’s another big one: do you like thrift stores? Do you consider them treasure hunts, or are repulsed by the idea of wearing someone else’s clothes?
Reading? Do you like to read a lot? Moderate? A little bit? Hate it?
Those are 12 questions. Throw in the standard ones about weight, height, attractiveness, sense of humor, and I think this questionnaire would have about 20 questions.
I’d like to see the success rate for the well-known sites. I suspect they are not very good. The owners are making a lot of money off of people’s desperation and desire for a relationship. That sounds like a scam to me.