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Title: word play
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Published: Nov 10, 2010
Author: .
Post Date: 2010-11-10 17:20:57 by farmfriend
Ping List: *Humor-Weird News*     Subscribe to *Humor-Weird News*
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Views: 655
Comments: 29

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. The knight who defeated the greatest number of enemies was Sir Cumcision. He cut the heads off every dick in the kingdom. Sir Cumlocution bored the other knights with long, rambling tales of his exploits. Meanwhile, Sir Cumnavigator sought the Holy Grail on the island of Madagascar. Sir Tificate of Deposit kept detailed records of everybody's monthly dues payments. Sir Cumstances dictated to the King, forcing his actions. Sir Veillant was a spy! Sir Cumjacent was the laziest knight, always just laying around. Sir Rhosis turned out to be an alcoholic. Subscribe to *Humor-Weird News*

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Begin Trace Mode for Comment # 17.

#11. To: farmfriend, all (#0)

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce .

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted.

But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?

Original_Intent  posted on  2010-11-11   22:37:47 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  

Gotta love it.

Why do we drive on a parkway but park on a driveway?

farmfriend  posted on  2010-11-12   0:56:48 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  

Why do we have 3 ways to say "two"?

Still there are positives of that I am positive. English has more synonyms than any other language I am aware of. You can achieve subtle distinctions more readily through the artful use of the language's range. English is the writer and story teller's language.

Original_Intent  posted on  2010-11-12   1:29:51 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  

You can achieve subtle distinctions more readily through the artful use of the language's range.

I know forums have helped with my language use. Dealing only in the written word, you learn to use language for clarity of thought and idea. While I love my smilies, it can not substitute for something well written.

farmfriend  posted on  2010-11-12   3:05:59 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  

I know forums have helped with my language use. Dealing only in the written word, you learn to use language for clarity of thought and idea. While I love my smilies, it can not substitute for something well written.

And that was one of my original reasons for visiting forums - to improve my use of language. I've gotten lots of practice. ;-)

Original_Intent  posted on  2010-11-12   20:25:13 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  

#22. To: Original_Intent, farmfriend (#17)

And that was one of my original reasons for visiting forums - to improve my use of language. I've gotten lots of practice.

I've found that as well.
If you really want to improve your writing, write a book. I wrote a sci-fi novel years ago (never published, lost interest in editing it) and had to learn all the things I ignored in school English class.

I used forums to try to get some social skills. I'm painfully shy in real life and my lack of social skills (phraseology, eye contact, body language) makes people uncomfortable. Forum discussions and online friends have helped.

Armadillo  posted on  2010-11-12 21:01:27 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  

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