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Title: How to understand what women mean (and men too)
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Published: Dec 12, 2010
Author: unknown
Post Date: 2010-12-12 16:40:52 by wudidiz
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Keywords: None
Views: 315
Comments: 31
Poster Comment: This should clarify a few things...
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#1. To: wudidiz (#0)
lol.......that should clear up much of the confusion. : )
"The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. ... We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of." Edward Bernays, Father of Public Relations
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The relationship between morality and liberty is a directly proportional one. "Only a virtuous people are capable of freedom. As nations become corrupt and vicious, they have more need of masters." - Ben Franklin
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The relationship between morality and liberty is a directly proportional one. "Only a virtuous people are capable of freedom. As nations become corrupt and vicious, they have more need of masters." - Ben Franklin
I wish I had this key when I was 20.
I sent the Dictionary for Women's Personal Ads to Scrapper2 about 2 years ago and she hasn't recovered yet. She got mad as hell at me and bitched to christine about me sending this. I feel it was the right thing to do at the time and don't have any remorse for doing it.
The Secrets of Women's Language - A must-read for any man Keywords and their meanings: "Fine": This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments. "Five minutes": This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade. "Nothing": This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine". "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine". "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. "Loud Sigh" : This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing". "Soft Sighs": Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content. "Oh": This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that we can't bring ourselves to write about them. "That's Okay": This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. "Please Do": This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay". "Thanks": A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you're welcome. "Thanks a lot": This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks a lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing". I hope this clears up any misunderstandings...
Tough women come from New York, sweet women from Texas, prissy women from Southern California, but we NORTHERN CALIFORNIA WOMEN have fire & ice in our blood. We can ride 4-wheelers, be a princess, throw a left hook, pack heat, hunt with the men, bake a cake, love with passion, and if we have an opinion, you know you're going to hear it!! Short story Man driving down road. Woman driving up. They pass each other.. The woman yells out the window, PIG! Man yells back out window, B I T C H Man rounds next curve. Crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road and dies. ...Thought for The Day: If only men would listen........
Tough women come from New York, sweet women from Texas, prissy women from Southern California, but we NORTHERN CALIFORNIA WOMEN have fire & ice in our blood. We can ride 4-wheelers, be a princess, throw a left hook, pack heat, hunt with the men, bake a cake, love with passion, and if we have an opinion, you know you're going to hear it!! Most women can't keep their mouths shut that long. We discussed this very topic at a cookout with a few neighbors this passed summer. Also one of the neighbors brought out some snapshots they took on a mini vacation. I noticed the woman actually had her mouth shut and I made referenc to it. Her hubby said the picture was taken with the newest Japanese camera that has a shutter speed so fast, it can actually catch a woman with her mouth shut!
What men say and what they mean: “I’M GOING FISHING” Translated: “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.” “IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.” “I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT’S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND.” Translated: “I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra.” “TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU’RE WORKING TOO HARD.” Translated: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.” “THAT’S INTERESTING, DEAR.” Translated: “Are you still talking?” “YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.” Translated: “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.” “I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES.” Translated: “The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.” “HEY, I’VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I’M DOING.” Translated: “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.” “I CAN’T FIND IT.” Translated: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless” “WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?” Translated: “What did you catch me at?” “I HEARD YOU.” Translated: Hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next 3 days yelling at me.” “YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE.” Translated: “I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.” “YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.” Translated: “Oh, God, please don’t try on one more outfit, I’m starving.” “I’M NOT LOST … I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.” Translated: “No one will ever see us alive again.” “WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK.” Translated: “I make the messes, she cleans them up.”
"One of the least understood strategies of the world revolution now moving rapidly toward its goal is the use of mind control as a major means of obtaining the consent of the people who will be subjects of the New World Order." K.M. Heaton, The National Educator
Here's a handy guide to translating what women say and what they actually mean: "It's your decision." (I told you what I want. Why are we still debating?) "No, I'm not upset." (Of course I'm upset, you clueless jackass!) "Do what you want." (But there will be hell to pay later.) "We need to talk." (You need to listen.) "We need to talk." (I need to complain.) "We need to talk." (We need to break up.) "Fine." (Not fine.) "Nothing." (Something. This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument about to happen.) "Can I ask you a question?" (Whatever I say next is going to make you very uncomfortable.) "Don't take offense to what I have to say" (What I will say will make you feel very bad about yourself.) "No, pizza's fine." (What a cheap bastard you are or You won't be getting any tonight.) "I just don't want a boyfriend right now." (I just don't want you as a boyfriend right now.) "Do I look fat in this dress?" (We haven't had a good fight in awhile.) (Hint: There is no correct answer.) "I just need some space." (without you in it. Now do me a favor and get lost.) "I like you, but..." (I can't stand you much of the time.) "I just don't want to spend all of my "free time" with you" (I just want to see you when there's no other better offer and I'm really horny.) "I just don't see "a future" with you." (You don't make as much money as me and I just want you just to be my little play thing.) "I hope we never stop surprising each other." (I'm having an affair with your brother.) "It's your decision" (The correct decision should be obvious by now.) "Sure... go ahead" (As long as you don't mind hearing about it several times a week for the next decade. I don't want you to and I will make you pay for it later.) "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows): (This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".) "Go Ahead "(normal eyebrows): (This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine.") and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. "That's Okay" (This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before exacting retribution for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be left with no doubt that you will not take "That's Okay" lightly ever again.) "I'm not upset" (UPSET! Of course I'm upset, you freaking moron!) "You're certainly attentive tonight" "Do you like this recipe?" "I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!" "Hang the picture there" "I heard a noise" "Yes" "No" "Maybe" "We'll see" "One of the least understood strategies of the world revolution now moving rapidly toward its goal is the use of mind control as a major means of obtaining the consent of the people who will be subjects of the New World Order." K.M. Heaton, The National Educator
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(This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before exacting retribution for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be left with no doubt that you will not take "That's Okay" lightly ever again.) LOL. these are great. that one is my favorite.
toilet aiming cell. hahahahahahahahahahaha.
and listening particle. hilarious.
No comment. Well, actually I could comment but I know better than to comment.
"One of the least understood strategies of the world revolution now moving rapidly toward its goal is the use of mind control as a major means of obtaining the consent of the people who will be subjects of the New World Order." K.M. Heaton, The National Educator
This thread is totally bogus. No one knows what women mean, not even women. You'd have an easier time trying to explain the origins of the universe.
#2. To: wudidiz (#0)
#3. To: abraxas (#1)
#4. To: wudidiz (#0)
#5. To: wudidiz (#0)
#6. To: wudidiz (#0)
#7. To: abraxas, christine (#1)
#8. To: farmfriend (#6)
. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days.
#9. To: wudidiz (#0)
#10. To: wudidiz, farmfriend, abraxas, christine, ratcat, Phant2000, Cynicom (#0)
(Is sex all you ever think about?)
(It's easy to fix, so you'd better learn to love it.)
(I'm on my period.)
(NO, I mean hang it there! no wait, over there! On second thought ...)
(I can't sleep and I noticed you were almost asleep.)
(no.)
(No.)
(No.)
(No.)
#11. To: wudidiz (#0)
#12. To: Original_Intent (#10)
"That's Okay"
#13. To: freepatriot32 (#11)
#14. To: freepatriot32 (#11)
#15. To: christine (#13)
toilet aiming cell. hahahahahahahahahahaha.
#16. To: wudidiz (#0)
Waiting too late to oppose tyranny has always led to bloodshed.
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#17. To: christine (#12)
"One of the least understood strategies of the world revolution now moving rapidly toward its goal is the use of mind control as a major means of obtaining the consent of the people who will be subjects of the New World Order." K.M. Heaton, The National Educator
#18. To: Original_Intent (#15)
That's okay!
Well, actually I could comment but I know better than to comment.
#19. To: CadetD (#18)
hehehehehehe
#20. To: Critter (#16)
but you love us so....
#21. To: CadetD (#18)
"One of the least understood strategies of the world revolution now moving rapidly toward its goal is the use of mind control as a major means of obtaining the consent of the people who will be subjects of the New World Order." K.M. Heaton, The National Educator
#22. To: Original_Intent (#21)
As I was reading down your list, was thinking "how did he know that?"
#23. To: CadetD (#22)
I have to admit I stole the list - although I did edit a couple of the items.
"One of the least understood strategies of the world revolution now moving rapidly toward its goal is the use of mind control as a major means of obtaining the consent of the people who will be subjects of the New World Order." K.M. Heaton, The National Educator
#24. To: Original_Intent (#10)
A complete list of definitions by either a married man, a man who gave up, or a brother to many sisters!!!
#25. To: wudidiz (#0)
That made me laugh out loud. It's also true. But I have my own variations. For example, I'm hungry = I want you for dessert, I'm sleepy = lets go to bed. .
Click for Privacy and Preparedness files
”I say to each man and woman, you are unique and sovereign, the center of a universe. However right I may be in thinking as I do, you may be equally right in thinking otherwise. You can only accomplish your object in life by complete disregard of the opinions of other people.“ - Aleister Crowley
#26. To: Original_Intent (#23)
whoever compiled it forgot my favorite --- "whatever"
#27. To: christine (#26)
You are quite right, and that is a glaring oversight that shall have to be attended to. whoever compiled it forgot my favorite --- "whatever"
"One of the least understood strategies of the world revolution now moving rapidly toward its goal is the use of mind control as a major means of obtaining the consent of the people who will be subjects of the New World Order." K.M. Heaton, The National Educator
#28. To: wudidiz (#0)
That does clarify some things.
I should print out the list, and put it in my wallet next to the expired condom.
#29. To: wudidiz, farmfriend, abraxas, christine, ratcat, Phant2000, Cynicom (#10) (Edited)
“Whatever”: Whatever is another of those phrases like “That’s Okay” that a man should endeavor to avoid ever hearing. It indicates a situation where special consideration is required. The definition is variable depending upon a woman’s facial expression and tone of voice. The implications range from sleeping on the couch or a visit to Dante’s Inferno. Said with a sneering sarcastic tone it equates to: “Whatever, you moron. That is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard of.” It is likely to be followed with “Go ahead”, “That’s Okay, to be followed with “Nothing”, “Fine”, and “I’ll get back to you in about “5 minutes”. Said with a laugh: "That's incredibly stupid." With raised eyebrows and a tone of exasperation “Whatever” is at once dismissive and a sign that you have just ventured into territory akin to stepping off a precipice into a bottomless abyss. There may be no ending to the repercussions and expiation must be on the order of a dramatic suicide or a new Chrystal Chandelier in the Entry. Said with a light lilt to the voice and apparent “I don’t care what you do” delivery it is an indication that you have just committed a faux pas, or are about to engage in something, for which retribution will be exacted in the slowest and most painful manner possible. It is likely to be something more or less equivalent to being tied down on a bed of spikes in a cage full of weasels. Said mockingly it is something like a cat addressing a mouse - and you’re the mouse. The one thing you can count on is that something very painful is going to follow. It can also take on the meaning of a curse as in an angry delivery where it means “Whatever, you imbecile, I cannot believe that I am even in the same space as you, and that is going to be corrected as soon as possible.” Redemption may require something on the order of groveling and a new Mercedes.
"One of the least understood strategies of the world revolution now moving rapidly toward its goal is the use of mind control as a major means of obtaining the consent of the people who will be subjects of the New World Order." K.M. Heaton, The National Educator
#30. To: Original_Intent (#29)
Perhaps Michelle Obama will rid us of "whatever" and "you know". It would be a better idea than her telling us what to feed our children and maybe she can allege continuing such small talk would be dangerous to our security. MUHAHAHAHA
Whatever is another of those phrases like “That’s Okay” that a man should endeavor to avoid ever hearing.
#31. To: Critter (#16)
Every woman's fantasy: This thread is totally bogus. No one knows what women mean, not even women. You'd have an easier time trying to explain the origins of the universe.
__________________________________________________________
"This man is Jesus,” shouted one man, spilling his Guinness as Barack Obama began his inaugural address. “When will he come to Kenya to save us?"
-Schweizerische Schuetzenzeitung (Swiss Shooting Federation) April, 1941
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