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Title: Women Jokes
Source: Various
URL Source: http://Various
Published: Dec 28, 2010
Author: Various
Post Date: 2010-12-28 14:03:55 by Original_Intent
Keywords: Women, Jokes, Ducking, Fast
Views: 305
Comments: 8

When a man marries Miss Right, he never realizes that her first name is Always.

Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence with, A man once told me ...

Q: What happened to the only man that finally figured women out?
A: He died laughing.

Q: how do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower?
A: hand your wife a shovel

There's a woman in a bar and this man goes up to her and they get to talking for hours and eventually the woman grabs the man and says "Make me feel like a woman" so he takes of his jacket and says "I need this ironed."

Q: How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
A: Call her.

Q: How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A: Marry it!

Q: What should you give a woman who has everything?
A: A man to show her how to work it.

Q: what do you call a party where half the women are on their periods and the other half have a yeast infection?
A: A whine and cheese party.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you.' The husband replied, 'Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.'

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.

Men Are Just Happier People - Sickening eh!

* Your last name stays put.
* The garage is all yours.
* Wedding plans take care of themselves.
* You can never be pregnant.
* Chocolate is just another snack.
* You can open all your own jars.
* You can play with toys all your life.
* You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
* Car mechanics tell you the truth.
* Your underwear is $9.95 for a three-pack.
* You never have strap problems in public.
* People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
* New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
* You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
* Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
* You! are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
* Everything on your face stays its original colour.
* You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
* You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
* You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

The husband had just finished reading the book 'Man of the House.'

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife, pointing a finger in her face, he said,

'From now on I want you to know that I am the man of the house and my word is law. I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a scrumptious dessert. Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?

His wife replies, 'the funeral director would be my guess'.

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Begin Trace Mode for Comment # 2.

#2. To: Original_Intent (#0)

* You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Depends. They don't all turn the same way - we have a circular saw in which the bolt into the blade tightens in the opposite direction to the usual nuts and bolts, so that the nut will stay tightened when the blade is spinning. lol

irishthatcherite  posted on  2010-12-28   14:18:26 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  

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