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Title: Adult Truths
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Published: Mar 1, 2011
Author: unknown
Post Date: 2011-03-01 18:14:08 by Itistoolate
Keywords: None
Views: 3259
Comments: 20
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. 10. Bad decisions make good stories. 11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection - again. 13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. 14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. 15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay. 17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. 18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. 19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? 20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! 21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.. 22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time. 24. People who forward e- mail without deleting the tons of previous recipients should be shot and then tarred and feathered. 25. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
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#1. To: Itistoolate (#0)
Quoted For Truth.
__________________________________________________________ #26. I wish there was a human instinct that made us look in the last place first when searching for lost items.
I want either less corruption or more opportunity to participate in it. Ashleigh Brilliant
If people evolved from apes, Why are there still apes?
Evolutionists agree that many apes did not consider it an improvement of the species to evolve into people.
I want either less corruption or more opportunity to participate in it. Ashleigh Brilliant
It is curious that things are always in the last place one looks for them.
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
Who’s The God! One evening Rachael brought home her fiancé to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother told her father to go and learn more about the young man. Out on a walk, the father started quizzing the guy. “So what do you do?” the father asked. “I am an Arabic scholar,” he replied. The father obviously impressed with the answer continued, “Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in?” “I will study and God will provide for us”, he answered back “Now how do you plan to buy my daughter a beautiful engagement ring?” probed the father again. 'I will concentrate on my studies,' the young man replies, “God will provide for us.” “Hmm…and how do you plan to take care of your children?” “Don't worry, sir, God will provide,” answered the fiancé. Every time the father put on a new question, the young man passed on the onus to God. At bedtime when the mother enquired about the conversation, the father responded, “Well he has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God.” Grateful Father-In-Law A mother-in-law once thought of testing her son-in-laws. One day she took her elder son-in-law out for a walk. While walking beside a lakeshore, she consciously fell into the lake and pretended to drown. The son-in-law straight away without any thought jumped into the river and saved her. The next morning, he was ecstatic to find a brand new Toyota car waiting on his driveway with a thank you note from his mum-in-law. While out on a walk with her younger son-in-law a few days later, she repeated her act of drowning again. But this time the son-in-law looked at her without moving an inch and gleed with delight, "Finally! It’s about time that this old witch dies!” The next morning, he received a brand new Ferrari car on his driveway with a thank you note from his father-in-law.
Makes perfect sense if you think about it. Of course things are always going to be in the last place one looks for them because, when found, that's generally the point when one stops looking for the thing(s).
------- "They're on our left, they're on our right, they're in front of us, they're behind us...they can't get away this time." -- Col. Puller, USMC
Well, now that you put it that way, yes it does make sense. Thank you GreyLmist, our resident online genius for pointing out another simple, yet profound truth. /s ;) (edited by wudidiz for grammatical oversights)
You're welcome, "mr. smartaleck". /s ;)
------- "They're on our left, they're on our right, they're in front of us, they're behind us...they can't get away this time." -- Col. Puller, USMC
:D lol good morning.
And a good day to you, good sir. :)
------- "They're on our left, they're on our right, they're in front of us, they're behind us...they can't get away this time." -- Col. Puller, USMC
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. "Died with pants and underwear around ankles and Playboy in hand." THAT's why friends are not only supposed to clear your computer, but also fix this stuff before anyone gets there.
"If ever this vast country is brought under a single government, it will be one of the most extensive corruption, indifferent and incapable of a wholesome care over so wide a spread of surface. This will not be borne, and you will have to choose between reform and revolution. If I know the spirit of this country, the one or the other is inevitable." - Thomas Jefferson
My first father-in-law (one of many-I made a belt from my wedding bands) was a diplomat with the state department. He was researching a relative in a cemetery in North Carolina and the bone yard records said that the interred relative was "taken in a house of ill repute"! Although he expressed pity for the poor man having died in a ewe gno watt, he also found it somewhat humorous. This type of discovery can actually make genealogical research fun!
My last father-in-law drove me to the church and when we arrived he told my bride-to-be, his only daughter that I tried to run away! She was already a nervous wreck (unlike me, a musician with a masters degree in marrying some of the young, unsuspecting women after the honeymoon) Then he delivered the perfect deadpan line and said, "We want you to get married so you can be happy like everybody else!" Boy oh boy, did that ever give me a moment of pause....
Because your mother-in-law is talking too loud?
It is vital to understand that there is no truth without discernment and no wisdom without the truth. What then is “faith” but an effort to confound truth and wisdom?
That reminds me of what Dolly Parton said when asked what she thought of gay marriage - Sure, why not, then they can be as miserable as the rest of us.
Break the Conventions - Keep the Commandments - G.K.Chesterson I heard a guy--forget now who it was--say that he thought "gays" should be given the whole $#it sandwich, marriage, divorce, alimony, all of it. He said it wouldn't take them long to figure out that they had it made before they started having their wishes granted.
Liberty is not a means to a higher political end. It is itself the highest political end. Lord Acton The human herd stampedes on the fields of facts and the valleys of truth to get to the desert of ignorance. Saman Mohammadi The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. Albert Einstein ...if the military is going to defend our freedoms, then we need freedoms to defend. Our freedoms must be restored before the military can defend them...Lawrence M. Vance
Anyone, myself included, who would contract with the state for a marriage license, is not well informed. My bad, 33 years ago.
Break the Conventions - Keep the Commandments - G.K.Chesterson Yeah, I agree.
Liberty is not a means to a higher political end. It is itself the highest political end. Lord Acton The human herd stampedes on the fields of facts and the valleys of truth to get to the desert of ignorance. Saman Mohammadi The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. Albert Einstein "...if the military is going to defend our freedoms, then we need freedoms to defend. Our freedoms must be restored before the military can defend them..."Lawrence M. Vance
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
"This man is Jesus,” shouted one man, spilling his Guinness as Barack Obama began his inaugural address. “When will he come to Kenya to save us?"
-Schweizerische Schuetzenzeitung (Swiss Shooting Federation) April, 1941
#2. To: Itistoolate (#0)
#3. To: angK (#2)
#4. To: Itistoolate (#3)
If people evolved from apes, Why are there still apes?
#5. To: angK, Itistoolate (#2)
#26. I wish there was a human instinct that made us look in the last place first when searching for lost items.
No Planes. Think about it. ................. Guaranteed Penetration (no it's not porn)
#6. To: wudidiz (#5)
#7. To: Itistoolate, *Humor-Weird News* (#6)
No Planes. Think about it. ................. Guaranteed Penetration (no it's not porn)
#8. To: wudidiz (#5)
It is curious that things are always in the last place one looks for them.
#9. To: GreyLmist (#8)
(Edited)
No Planes. Think about it. ................. Guaranteed Penetration (no it's not porn)
#10. To: wudidiz (#9)
#11. To: GreyLmist (#10)
No Planes. Think about it. ................. Guaranteed Penetration (no it's not porn)
#12. To: wudidiz (#11)
#13. To: Itistoolate (#0)
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
#14. To: Itistoolate (#0)
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
#15. To: Itistoolate (#6)
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
#16. To: Itistoolate (#6)
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
#17. To: HOUNDDAWG (#15)
#18. To: Lod (#17)
That reminds me of what Dolly Parton said when asked what she thought of gay marriage - Sure, why not, then they can be as miserable as the rest of us.
#19. To: James Deffenbach, 4 (#18)
#20. To: Lod (#19)
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