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Title: Need Help Understanding Women?
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Published: May 31, 2011
Author: .
Post Date: 2011-05-31 11:55:37 by James Deffenbach
Keywords: None
Views: 796
Comments: 46
I finally got the manual that will help men understand women better. Let me know if you need a copy! Poster Comment: My sister sent me this in email and I wrote her back and told her that I doubted that was a complete "owner's manual," more like a condensed version.
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#1. To: James Deffenbach (#0)
cute ;)
Yeah, I got a chuckle out of it. And my sister told me that she and one of her co- workers had the same thought I did, that it probably wasn't complete.
#4. To: James Deffenbach (#2)
One for the ladies One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat- shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" And they say blondes are dumb... Q: Why do little boys whine?
Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed: 'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.' Poof! .. God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.. After witnessing that, the second man prayed: 'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river' Poof! .. God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once. Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: 'God,please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river' Poof! .. He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending On where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example- If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged And masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, She tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth... And a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire. No further studies are expected.
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#2. To: christine (#1)
Replies to Comment # 2.
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
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A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
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Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
A: They are practicing to be men.
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Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
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Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
#5. To: James Deffenbach (#2)
#6. To: James Deffenbach, christine, abraxas (#2)
#7. To: James Deffenbach (#2)
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