US Congress Moves to Israel in Deficit-Reduction Effort

August 12 2011
Disassociated Press

In the wake of the announcement that 81 US Congressmen are leaving on an AIPAC-sponsored junket to Israel, the new SuperCongress announced today that the entire legislative branch of the US government will be moved to Tel Aviv. The reason, according to informed sources, is to save on travel junket expenses to reduce the national deficit.

Relocating Congress to Israel is expected to significantly lower the cost of AIPAC-sponsored junkets: Airfare costs will be eliminated, hotel costs reduced, and "preferred customer" cocaine and prostitution discounts taken advantage of. The move should bring a noticeable reduction in the hemorrhage of US taxpayer dollars to the Zionist state.

The purpose of the move, according to informed sources, is to lower the deficit, not throw another bone to AIPAC. "Who do you think is paying for these travel junkets to Israel? That's right, the US taxpayer!" said a SuperCongress spokesperson on conditions of anonymity. "The Israelis force Congress to cough up billions of US taxpayer dollars in aid to Israel. Then Israel recycles those dollars by buying even more congressmen. It's a vicious circle. We can't stop it, so we might as well make the best of it, and just move the hell over there and be done with it."

According to the Christian Science Monitor, Israel cost the US taxpayer about 1.6 trillion dollars between 1973 and 2002 -- putting the total today at around 2 trillion dollars. Informed sources speculate that as the news spreads that Israel and its US assets orchestrated the 9/11 attacks, American taxpayers may eventually demand their money back.