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Title: ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND
Source: [None]
URL Source: [None]
Published: Jan 4, 2012
Author: .
Post Date: 2012-01-04 03:51:27 by farmfriend
Ping List: *Humor-Weird News*     Subscribe to *Humor-Weird News*
Keywords: None
Views: 386
Comments: 11

ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are over-sensitive, and there's nothing worse than an over-sensitive woman.

My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Carol. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Carol to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch each day in the Men's Grill at the Golf Club, so eating out is not an option in the evening. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.

I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done ! before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two, or even three days. That way, she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points..

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods... She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the front lawn. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man.. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too. .

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Carol. I'm not sayi! ng that showing this much patience & consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

EDITOR'S NOTE:

Ron died suddenly on January 31 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Carol Anne was arrested and charged with murder.. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her "Not Guilty", accepting her defense that Ron, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.. Subscribe to *Humor-Weird News*

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#1. To: farmfriend (#0)

I have seen this before but it is still funny. The previous edition I saw had her getting off on a plea of "Justifiable Homicide".

Perseverent Gardener
"“Believe nothing merely because you have been told it. Do not believe what your teacher tells you merely out of respect for the teacher. But whatsoever, after due examination and analysis, you find to be kind, conducive to the good, the benefit, the welfare of all beings - that doctrine believe and cling to, and take it as your guide.” ~ Gautama Siddhartha — The Buddha

Original_Intent  posted on  2012-01-04   4:03:43 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#2. To: farmfriend (#0)

Ron died suddenly on January 31 of a perforated rectum.

If only he had bought some speed to help his tired wife carry out her chores with energy and enthusiasm, that golf club would have stayed in the bag, and he'd be alive to this day.

--------------------------------------------------------
Somebody ought to tell the truth about the Bible. The preachers dare not, because they would be driven from their pulpits. Professors in colleges dare not, because they would lose their salaries. Politicians dare not. They would be defeated. Editors dare not. They would lose subscribers. Merchants dare not, because they might lose customers. Men of fashion dare not, fearing that they would lose caste. Even clerks dare not, because they might be discharged. And so I thought I would do it myself... Robert Ingersoll

PSUSA2  posted on  2012-01-04   7:28:21 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#3. To: farmfriend (#0)

A timely and thoughtful reminder for the new year - thanks.

Break the Conventions - Keep the Commandments - G.K.Chesterson

Lod  posted on  2012-01-04   10:05:17 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#4. To: farmfriend, abraxas, christine (#0)

He obviously didn't beat her enough.

"There are only 800,000 state, local, and federal law enforcement officers in the entire country." - Vox Day

Turtle  posted on  2012-01-04   12:06:36 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#5. To: farmfriend (#0)

Cat turds in the mashed potatoes....Poison ivy in the jockeys....Maple syrup in the golfbag...There's a lot of ways to toy with a man before you off him.

I opened one of my rental units once with Neal. The loser tenant had moved out leaving behind a squatter/friend we had to evict. We went in to check unit while the squatter was gone to check for damage. The guy was into black leather and not into paying rent. I left chocolate syrup in his beautiful boots. Sweet pickle juice with dog turds(soft) in his coat pocket, and maple syrup in his leather case. Neal was scandalized by that side of his wife. Heheheheheheh...it was fun.

octavia  posted on  2012-01-04   12:47:49 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#6. To: octavia (#5)

Cat turds in the mashed potatoes....Poison ivy in the jockeys....Maple syrup in the golfbag...There's a lot of ways to toy with a man before you off him.

Men should know better.


As Gary Lloyd said, "When the government’s boot is on your throat, whether it is a left boot or a right boot is of no consequence."

farmfriend  posted on  2012-01-04   20:42:44 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#7. To: octavia (#5)

I left chocolate syrup in his beautiful boots. Sweet pickle juice with dog turds(soft) in his coat pocket, and maple syrup in his leather case.

hahahahaha. i love it.

christine  posted on  2012-01-04   21:00:57 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#8. To: farmfriend (#0)

I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too.

I'm gonna try to squeeze myself some lemonade; maybe I'll get less cranky.

CadetD  posted on  2012-01-04   21:26:30 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#9. To: Turtle (#4)

He obviously didn't beat her enough.

Watch it pal!

A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?' He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humour!

ambi  posted on  2012-01-04   21:59:57 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#10. To: ambi. christine, farmfriend, abraxas (#9)

He obviously didn't beat her enough.

Watch it pal!

AHA! Another wench for me to tell to shut up!

So...shut up, wench!

When seconds count, the police are minutes away.

Turtle  posted on  2012-01-05   13:32:29 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#11. To: ambi (#9)

He obviously didn't beat her enough.

Watch it pal!

A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?' He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humour!

Did she put something witty on his tombstone?

Perseverent Gardener
"“Believe nothing merely because you have been told it. Do not believe what your teacher tells you merely out of respect for the teacher. But whatsoever, after due examination and analysis, you find to be kind, conducive to the good, the benefit, the welfare of all beings - that doctrine believe and cling to, and take it as your guide.” ~ Gautama Siddhartha — The Buddha

Original_Intent  posted on  2012-01-05   13:56:10 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


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