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Title: My dad could have killed someone, Anyone have problems with an elderly driver parent?
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Published: Jan 6, 2012
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Post Date: 2012-01-06 15:22:22 by PSUSA2
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Views: 258
Comments: 20
I just found out that my dad did something dumb. He drove recklessly, and fortunately didn't hurt anyone. This could have ended very badly. Any ideas on how to deal with that? Car sabotage? That's the only thing I can think of. He's probably way too stubborn to give up his license, so maybe it will take some tickets to convince him. I don't know. All I know is I don't want anyone dying due to his actions.
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#1. To: PSUSA2 (#0)
Sounds like something the DMV testing division would answer. Wouldn't hurt to give them a call and ask them what to do before he does the foreseeable thing.
Cops usually are very reluctant to yank a driver's license from a senior. On the one hand your dad has his rights, but unless somebody intervenes he'll keep doing it until he has a wreck and then the cops will get involved. That's usually how this plays out. Your only option is to try and convince him to quit driving (good luck with that), or get the advice of your state highway patrol on how to end his driving days before somebody gets hurt.
#2. To: PSUSA2 (#0)
-Alex Kurtagic
#3. To: X-15, purplerose (#2)
I thought too of the DMV and cops. It might have to be one or the other, I suppose. But I'm betting that neither will be of much help, until after the fact. I'll give you an example of what he is like. He fell and broke a hip last year. He then thought he would 1) shovel snow and 2) cut grass. Massive fail both times, but that doesn't stop him. It's like he is not right in the head, a lot of the times. He thinks he can do things but sits on the couch all day, or he starts things that he can't do. With him, it's all or nothing. I know other people have had to deal with this at one time or another. This is a first for me and I don't want to screw it up. All ideas are welcome and appreciated.
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Somebody ought to tell the truth about the Bible. The preachers dare not, because they would be driven from their pulpits. Professors in colleges dare not, because they would lose their salaries. Politicians dare not. They would be defeated. Editors dare not. They would lose subscribers. Merchants dare not, because they might lose customers. Men of fashion dare not, fearing that they would lose caste. Even clerks dare not, because they might be discharged. And so I thought I would do it myself... Robert Ingersoll
#4. To: PSUSA2 (#0) (Edited)
I dekeyed my father when he was in his mid 80s. How it became my job is a long story, since I'm the youngest of four, but it had to be done. He had become a danger to himself and others. It wasn't an easy task as he and I had, at best, a poor relationship and he was a cantankerous soul. The best way to accomplish the feat is to give him no options, and make sure he knows you aren't going to take no for an answer. I had his car keys in my hand in 30 minutes. Good luck. EDIT: Deep down he knew he was a danger and a straight up, no BS confrontation worked best with his type of personality.
#5. To: PSUSA2 (#0)
I have a 96 year old aunt like that. She's blind in one eye and the other ain't right, neither is her brain. I've talked with her daughters, but she still rules. A family confrontation... maybe. It's hard, if you sabotage he can call a mechanic. Twice in private practice, I had older patients I knew were driving and dangerous. I warned the family that if they did not stop the driving I would. After two warning letters, I sent a letter to the Indiana State Bureau of Motor Vehicles and their liscenses were pulled within 48 hours. A very fast response. I know physicians in my state can report dangerous drivers, it would not hurt to check the proceedure, maybe family can too. Neal, my hubby, was hard to handle. For a while after his brain biopsy, he did not even try to drive. Then steroids started to shrink his brain swelling and he felt good again. For four days, he felt good enough to drive and he escaped me one day and went all over town having adventures and not answering his cell phone. I got his best friend to talk him back home. His last attempt to drive a car was tragic and I got the keys away for good. I tried to hide the keys earlier, but he would tear the house apart to find them.
#6. To: PSUSA2 (#0)
Unfortunately, depending on how stubborn your dad is, he might try driving even if his license was revoked. And there are plenty of people on the internet (including this website) that advocate unlicensed driving, so your dad might even find some encouragement. Car sabotage may be the only thing. Swipe the radiator cap or something. Depending on how much damage you want to do to his car (considering if it could be worth something at resale), make his car undrivable. Maybe just fiddling with the battery wires will be enough to baffle him. Have someone tow the car away (where he won't find it when he visits your house). I don't know how resourceful he could be to get wheels. So while you've got his car out of the picture, do get in touch with the DMV to at least pull him in for a more thorough examination (some states expressly require very thorough exams for elderly drivers at frequent intervals) that, we hope, will cancel his license. Without a license he cannot rent a car nor drive one off a car dealership. Not foolproof, but at least a reasonable effort for the safety of the public.
#7. To: PSUSA2 (#0)
My friend was a multimillionaire trash tycoon who sold his business to WASTE MANAGEMENT and retired. When it became obvious that he was slipping he would shuffle his feet when walking. He had two accidents in his Hebrew Canoe in a month, and the insurance company solved the problem. The insurer told him that his premium would be some ridiculous, pie in the sky figure like $2600 a quarter, and he offered to pay it. So, they finally said they couldn't insure him any longer. Needless to say the word went out through BIG INSURANCE back channels and no other company would touch him. In both accidents he claimed he was not at fault. In the 2nd he said, "We never should have moved the cars before the police came" as if that would have cleared him. Poor old man. He was rich, stubborn and used to getting his own way.(When a union goon threatened his family while trying to organize the trash haulers, my friend said, "If anything happens to my family a big garbage truck will come right through your front office", and he meant it. NOBODY called ol Mr. Tom's bluff.) But, in the end he couldn't get around the insurance companies. So, he ended up being chauffeured by his Mexican horse trainer. If you honestly believe that Pop is a danger to himself and others just call his insurance company then stand back and watch as the poor old gent is given the big shaft and denied freedom of movement in his car. And, remember the AARP motto: "Hit and run means never having to say you're sorry." Any ideas on how to deal with that?
"The truth is that corporations wield enormous power in Congress and in state legislatures. It is hard to tell where government ends and corporate America begins: the transition is seamless and overlapping."_Justice James C. Nelson, Montana Supreme Court
#8. To: PSUSA2 (#0)
Do like they did with my Grandad - at 85 he was becoming a menace so his sons took his keys away, hid them, and then twisted his arm till he sold the car.
#9. To: HOUNDDAWG, Shoonra, octavia, Jethro Tull, X-15, purplerose (#7)
That is how it will be seen. It probably is always seen that way. "Let's put everyone in danger so I can have my freedom (to go to the bar every day). It looks like doctors and insurers might be the best option. He won't listen to anyone else. I will probably be out of luck with the DMV. I remember one accident scene. Traffic was backed up with rubberneckers as usual. A young cop was on his knees throwing up, another one was standing with him. If people saw what that young cop saw, this would not be a problem. Give each kid a puke bucket in drivers ed, and show a movie of what happens in real life when you fuck up. What a scene that would be. Traumatic, yes, but it might keep them alive. This is one thing I don't miss in being on the road. You just know what is under those tarps. Thanks all. I'll see what happens. denied freedom of movement in his car.
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Somebody ought to tell the truth about the Bible. The preachers dare not, because they would be driven from their pulpits. Professors in colleges dare not, because they would lose their salaries. Politicians dare not. They would be defeated. Editors dare not. They would lose subscribers. Merchants dare not, because they might lose customers. Men of fashion dare not, fearing that they would lose caste. Even clerks dare not, because they might be discharged. And so I thought I would do it myself... Robert Ingersoll
#10. To: Original_Intent (#8)
Ping to above. How does an 85 y/o even get or keep a license? Now that is scary.
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Somebody ought to tell the truth about the Bible. The preachers dare not, because they would be driven from their pulpits. Professors in colleges dare not, because they would lose their salaries. Politicians dare not. They would be defeated. Editors dare not. They would lose subscribers. Merchants dare not, because they might lose customers. Men of fashion dare not, fearing that they would lose caste. Even clerks dare not, because they might be discharged. And so I thought I would do it myself... Robert Ingersoll
#11. To: PSUSA2 (#10)
My Great Aunt Grace was still driving at 85 and she was a good driver. She did have one bad habit though that drove everyone crazy - when she passed someone she would not move back over to her lane until she spotted an oncoming vehicle. Now on the country roads she drove on there was not a lot of traffic so she might go a mile or three before changing lanes back. It wasn't that she was dangerous but just the thought of it drove everybody crazy uncomfortable. ;-) She was a dear though - I still miss her Elk Sausage and Egg Breakfasts.
#12. To: PSUSA2 (#0)
I fully expect myy 80-year-old dad, who lives in Granite City, to crash into your dad.
When seconds count, the police are minutes away.
#13. To: PSUSA2 (#9)
It looks like doctors and insurers might be the best option. He won't listen to anyone else. I will probably be out of luck with the DMV. I remember one accident scene. Traffic was backed up with rubberneckers as usual. A young cop was on his knees throwing up, another one was standing with him. If people saw what that young cop saw, this would not be a problem. Give each kid a puke bucket in drivers ed, and show a movie of what happens in real life when you fuck up. What a scene that would be. Traumatic, yes, but it might keep them alive. This is one thing I don't miss in being on the road. You just know what is under those tarps. Thanks all. I'll see what happens. And Then There Were Four Produced: 1940s Length: 25 Minutes This film is from the safe driving genre (some fun educational videos), but it has many extras in it that make it a cut above average. Famous actor Jimmy Stewart narrates, introducing four unrelated people who are going to be filmed for one day. Stewart informs the audience that by the end one of them will die in a car accident. They each drive different cars or have different car safety features, any of which could lead to bad car accidents: one drives a hotrod, one has faulty brakes. The suspense is heightened effectively by knowing ahead of time that only one group will die, and guessing at which one. A fine example of 1940s melodrama, And Then There Were Four explores safe driving topics as well as the risk factors of driving. Of the many Jimmy Stewart narrations, this film about unsafe car dangers is highly entertaining. RED ASPHALT TeenDrivingSchool.com Puppy says: A buddy of mine stopped on the Long Beach Expressway (if memory serves) to assist a motorcyclist who had left his genitalia on the handlebars after a high speed collision. My buddy reached up inside and pinched off the femoral artery until EMTs arrived, and the Los Angeles County Paramedic said, "Give it up brother, he's gone." A few years back a 50 something retarded man who walked all over our nearby small town here and was known by everyone (and who kept insisting that I should run for mayor to the point of serious annoyance) was killed while crossing a busy highway at around 6PM in the dark. I was told that the poor man's brains were picked up separately from the rest of his remains. In both of these cases gagging and/or ralphing would be immediate and certainly leave lifelong memories (if not brain trauma) if they were filmed and shown to kids with no practical knowledge of the laws of physics. It's a shame but too many young drivers (up to about 25-the insurance actuaries have it pretty well nailed) just don't understand how fast driving too often results in decapitated friends and cars either accordianed or wrapped around a hundred yr old tree that's seen more bloody brains than the average 3rd year resident ER physician. That is how it will be seen. It probably is always seen that way. "Let's put everyone in danger so I can have my freedom (to go to the bar every day).
"The truth is that corporations wield enormous power in Congress and in state legislatures. It is hard to tell where government ends and corporate America begins: the transition is seamless and overlapping."_Justice James C. Nelson, Montana Supreme Court
#14. To: HOUNDDAWG (#7)
lol......that's a good one Hounddawg. : ) And, remember the AARP motto: "Hit and run means never having to say you're sorry."
" If you cannot govern yourself, you will be governed by assholes. " Randge, Poet de Forum, 1/11/11
"Life's tough, and even tougher if you're stupid." --John Wayne
#15. To: abraxas (#14)
Thanx! I've seen it several times. Some poor old soul who can barely see over the steering wheel cut's the wheel too hard and scrapes the car next to him or her while backing out of a parking space, usually in a shopping center/grocery store parking lot. They never get out and check because they want plausible deniability if they're spotted and reported. If questioned later they'll then claim that they "didn't even know (they) wiped out the whole side of another vehicle!", while picking up just a little paint on the "demolition Derby knife edge" of their big ol' Caddy's bumper." And, the loud screech everyone hears except them while they're making their getaway? Well, you know, old folks just don't hear so well and...... Many of them know that if they report another accident that they'll lose their insurance, and as Americans they're accustomed to freedom and self reliance. And they know that their married-with-children kids are too busy with work, soccer practice, bowling and Mary Kay liquor and cosmetics orgies to be bothered with some cranky old person's transportation needs. (This is the B side to modern medicine which keeps the body alive after the brain is shutting down) As Don Johnson pointed out in the 1993 film, "Guilty as Sin" "You old people are a real pain in the ass. You talk too slow and you walk too low and you drive too slow and you're always in the fucking way...." The fact is old folks who are clearly not capable of safely operating motor vehicles (you know, the ones who have the go lane on the interstate at a crawl on Sunday afternoons because it's easier to judge the distance to the lane marker line on the driver's side of the car) are given a free pass and permitted to die behind the wheel if that is their wish. And, if they crash into a tanker truck hauling 9,000 gal of gasoline and incinerate a busload of crippled special needs children then that's the price we all pay so that our politicians don't have to risk the wrath of The AARP. No elected official wants to address the issue of half blind seniors driving their car bombs, even those who repeatedly enter highway on ramps in the wrong direction or forget how to get home and change directions by crossing the grassy medians on interstate highways.
"The truth is that corporations wield enormous power in Congress and in state legislatures. It is hard to tell where government ends and corporate America begins: the transition is seamless and overlapping."_Justice James C. Nelson, Montana Supreme Court
#16. To: HOUNDDAWG (#7)
That's an excellent idea! If you honestly believe that Pop is a danger to himself and others just call his insurance company then stand back and watch as the poor old gent is given the big shaft and denied freedom of movement in his car.
#17. To: Turtle (#12)
We've actually reached that point. I remember a comedian saying, "I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my did did, not screaming in horror like the passengers in his car!" I fully expect my 80-year-old dad, who lives in Granite City, to crash into your dad.
"The truth is that corporations wield enormous power in Congress and in state legislatures. It is hard to tell where government ends and corporate America begins: the transition is seamless and overlapping."_Justice James C. Nelson, Montana Supreme Court
#18. To: HOUNDDAWG (#17)
Good one, had me laughing I remember a comedian saying, "I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my did did, not screaming in horror like the passengers in his car!"
It is hard to free fools from the chains they revere. Voltaire
An ideal form of government is democracy tempered with assassination. Voltaire
#19. To: purplerose (#16) (Edited)
I'm ambivalent about it of course. I understand why so many oldsters need to drive, but my shooting buddy was broadsided by an old gent coming out of a gas station recently and the old guy just gunned the motor and headed for hills. My buddy didn't even try to catch him because he didn't want the desperate old man to kill someone else while trying to escape. The H&R driver clearly signaled that one more accident would be it for him, and if he didn't have the presence of mind to know better than to blindly speed across a busy intersection, then he's definitely a danger to himself and others. And just a few days ago a woman in a wheelchair living in a slum motel was killed and three vehicles hit her in the road and none of them stopped. She lost her leg 25 years ago to another hit & run driver. Her 40-something son who lived with her was devastated to see the remains of her wheelchair up on the side of the busy highway, and the news media interviewed the poor man as he wept pitifully. In this cold, cruel part of the world they were all each other had, and now he's alone.
"The truth is that corporations wield enormous power in Congress and in state legislatures. It is hard to tell where government ends and corporate America begins: the transition is seamless and overlapping."_Justice James C. Nelson, Montana Supreme Court
#20. To: intotheabyss (#18)
Me too! 
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