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4play See other 4play Articles Title: Dodgeball--the Greatest Sport Ever Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004) Patches O'Houlihan: If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball. Justin: What? [Patches throws a wrench and hits Justin in the face] Patches O'Houlihan: If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball. Patches O'Houlihan: I ain't crazy and I ain't a guy. Peter La Fleur: [after Patches hits Justin in the face with a wrench] Yeah, uh, Patches... are you sure that this is completely necessary? Patches O'Houlihan: Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine? Peter La Fleur: Probably not. Patches O'Houlihan: No, but I do it anyway because it's sterile and I like the taste. Peter La Fleur: ...Okay. [while everyone is doing the shuttle run] Patches O'Houlihan: Come on! I get better runs in my shorts! Patches O'Houlihan: [giving the pre-match pep talk] And will someone catch a goddamn ball? It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob out there! Patches O'Houlihan: If you're going to become true dodgeballers, then you've got to learn the five d's of dodgeball: dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge! Patches O'Houlihan: My sweet dick, it's magic! Patches O'Houlihan: [about Gordon getting angry] Go you crazy son of a bitch GO! Patches O'Houlihan: Those men and that muff-diver believe in you. [Kate decapitates White Goodman's cardboard stand-up with a well-aimed dodgeball. Everyone stares at her] Kate Veatch: What? Eight years of softball. Dwight: Man, she gotta be a lesbian. Peter La Fleur: She is *not* a lesbian. Patches O'Houlihan: All I know is, that dyke can play! Patches O'Houlihan: If you want to have dodgeball victory, you have to grab it by its haunches and you gotta hump it into submission! Patches O'Houlihan: I love the smell of queef in the morning. Patches O'Houlihan: You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat! Patches O'Houlihan: I've got some hookers in my room. What do you say we go celebrate? My treat. Peter La Fleur: No, thanks I'll just stick with the scarf, but thank you. Patches O'Houlihan: Suit yourself, queer. [Patches turns and drives off] Patches O'Houlihan: Tomorrow, we're gonna pecker-slap those Globo-Gym bastards! Patches O'Houlihan: Son, you're about as useful as a poopy-flavored lollipop! Patches O'Houlihan: [Giving advice from beyond the grave to Peter LaFleur at the climactic game] Listen up, crotch stain. Remember your training, and trust your instincts. You can do it! I believe in you! Bye-bye! Patches O'Houlihan: Your about as useful as a cock flavored lollipop! Young Patches O'Houlihan: Dodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion, and degradation. Young Patches O'Houlihan: This is Patches O'Houlihan saying "Take care of your balls, and they'll take care of you." Poster Comment: The only sport I was ever good at was dodgeball. So when the movie came out, I went to see it, and ever since Patches O'Houlihan has been my hero. Post Comment Private Reply Ignore Thread Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest
#1. To: Turtle (#0)
Uhhhhhh....
Best role Rip Torn ever had. "You shall have fun, no matter what you do." -- Turtle
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