ANDREA MITCHELL: So, a phone call from the President of the United States!
SANDRA FLUKE: I know!
ANDREA MITCHELL: What was that like, Sandra?
SANDRA: (blushing) Oh, I was so embarrassed!
ANDREA MITCHELL: Why would you be embarrassed?
SANDRA: Well, I was having sex and when I answered my cell phone…
ANDREA MITCHELL: You were having sex in the green room?
SANDRA: I know, probably not a good idea huh?
ANDREA MITCHELL: Who… uh, with who?
SANDRA: Some cleaning guy. He said he had some birth control and offered to share with me.
ANDREA MITCHELL: You had sex with our custodian because he had birth control?
SANDRA: Do you have any idea how difficult it is for a woman to get that stuff?
ANDREA MITCHELL: (clears her throat) So what did the President, uh, have to say?
SANDRA: Oh, he was so sweet. He was worried that his call may have interfered with me reaching an orgasm.
ANDREA MITCHELL: President Obama was worried …
SANDRA: I assured him I’d had a couple of awesome ones before he called and that my needs had been met. He said he was happy for me.
ANDREA MITCHELL: President Obama was happy you had an orgasm?
SANDRA: Yeah. He said my family must be very proud of me.
ANDREA MITCHELL: Yes, your family. Can I assume they were excited about the President calling?
SANDRA: Well, my dad was a little concerned at first.
ANDREA MITCHELL: Concerned?
SANDRA: Yeah, he was worried the President’s call might have obstructed my potential for reaching an orgasm. You know how dads can be.
ANDREA MITCHELL: Your dad was bothered that …. (fumbling with her notes) Uh….so, uh… my producers are telling me you also heard from other prominent Washington personalities.
SANDRA: Yep! Yesterday I got a copy of Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass from President Clinton. His note said he was eager to meet me the next time Hillary was out of the country.
ANDREA MITCHELL: Oh my.
SANDRA: And I’ve been getting text messages from Congressman Weiner for a couple of days.
ANDREA MITCHELL: Former Congressman Anthony Weiner?
SANDRA: Yeah! He said he found it was really hard imagining how brave and pretty I was.
ANDREA MITCHELL: OK, uh… (clears her throat) You, uh … also got a call from Reverend Jesse Jackson?
SANDRA: Yes, Reverend Jackson was so considerate. He said he would funnel enough money out of his Rainbow Push Coalition to pay for a year of birth control for me but he couldn’t pay for my tuition.
ANDREA MITCHELL: Oh?
SANDRA: He can’t offer me full college tuition unless I falsely accuse someone of rape.
ANDREA MITCHELL: Well, that’s understandable.
SANDRA: Yeah
ANDREA MITCHELL: So what are your plans now, young Lady?
SANDRA: I’m just going to go home and party. It’s going to be such a relief not to have to worry about obtaining birth control this weekend.
ANDREA MITCHELL: Well it’s definitely a time for celebration. You’ve gotten the attention of some mighty powerful men. It must feel good.
SANDRA: Oh, for sure! All the guys have been so supportive and offered to do anything to make sure my needs are fulfilled. Like Congressman Weiner told me, it’s my country’s responsibility to ensure that my insatiable urge to fornicate is paid for. He said it’s guaranteed in the Constitution.