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Health See other Health Articles Title: Side stepping Morton’s Neuroma Don’t look now but your body is being brutally damaged by something you are wearing. Tongue stud? Tight Fruit of the Looms? Barry Manilow T-shirt? Sure, but even worse are your loafers, pumps and stilettos. A study conducted in China several years ago compared the relationship between footwear and foot problems. It concluded that umpteen billion Chinese who did not wear shoes seldom had foot problems while the other umpteen billion who wore shoes suffered bunions, ingrown toenails, corns and painful swollen nerves called “neuromas”. A neuroma of the foot, known as a Morton’s neuroma, is a painful pain or a numbing numbness involving the ball of the foot and the 3rd and 4th toes (sometimes the 2nd and 3rd toe). When the nerve that meanders through the foot, en route to the toes, get squished between the bones of the foot, a neuroma develops. This pressure irritates the nerve and, much like an oyster’s irritated sand pebble turns into a lovely lump known as a pearl, the nerve turns into a nasty lump known as a neuroma. Eighty percent of those with Morton’s neuroma are female, a result of high heels and tight toe boxes that incarcerate their dainty wee hoof. The foot nerves can also be irritated by trauma, as when a wheelie-poppin’ teenage terror operating the fork lift at Costco screams around a corner and runs over your foot. Literally gets on your “nerves”. Treatment of this condition requires changing footwear to that of shoes with a more spacious toe box. Adding the highly popular orthotics (shoe inserts) is highly effective at battling most of the archenemies of several foot problems. Since the foot bone is connected to the leg bone, these same orthotics can correct ankle, knee, hip and back problems and even alleviate some forms of headache. If orthotics fail the next step of treatment involves a painful cortisone shot directly into the neuroma. I have decided to feet-ure neuromas in this week’s column, because…well I have one myself. Yes, my name is Dave and….I am a Morton’s neuromic. Though my condition has improved since giving up the high heels (just kidding, to be virile and honest my very rugged manly hockey skates squeeze my foot) the pain was bad enough for me to undergo the cortisone procedure. I went to my colleague and trusted surgeon Dr. Bruce “Gretzky” Yoneda. First the necessary acknowledgements. “Doctor.” “Doctor.” “Doctor, I need a Morton’s neuroma doctored.” “Well doctor, we’ll doctor that right up.” “Thank you, I trust you are still trusted as in the intro I gave you 6 lines ago.” “Trust me doctor, I’m a trusted doctor.” Why do doctors make such lousy patients? Is it because they can visualize the worst possible scenarios? In medical school we were all convinced we had whatever disease we happened to be studying that week. We checked ourselves for lymphoma lumps, testicular tumors and syphilis sores. Prostate cancer week was not a pretty site on our campus. Our feet swelled and we devoured pistachio dill pickle ice cream during obstetrics training. So do I handle this procedure of having a needle jammed between my toes like a man or like a doctor? I tell myself that as a doctor I can visualize the afferent nerve conduction pathways as the plexus of nerve cells succumb to the membrane channel blocking ion exchange proton pump inhibitor. As a man I search the room desperately for Pooh bear because this is going to be one big owwie. A week later while at home licking my wounds (figuratively speaking), I ponder my new resolution to improve my foot health. Though I’m now asked to leave restaurants, my pew at church is deserted and patients peer at me suspiciously, I think going barefoot has been therapeutic. It really is the best thing you can do for your feet. Trust me, I’m a doctor. Post Comment Private Reply Ignore Thread
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