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Title: A Cowboy's Tombstone
Source: [None]
URL Source: [None]
Published: Nov 3, 2012
Author: Anonymous
Post Date: 2012-11-03 20:41:26 by Turtle
Keywords: None
Views: 554
Comments: 11

1. It’s important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.

2. It’s important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It’s important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn’t lie to you.

4. It’s important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.

5. It’s very, very important that these four women do not know each other, or you could end up dead like me.

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#4. To: Turtle (#0)

One for the ladies

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat- shirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb...
--------------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
--------------------------------------
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
--------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
--------------------------------------
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
--------------------------------------
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN

Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
--------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
--------------------------------------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
--------------------------------------
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
--------------------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

farmfriend  posted on  2012-11-03   21:19:20 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#8. To: farmfriend (#4)

I like my women the way I like whiskey: 16 years old and mixed with coke.

Turtle  posted on  2012-11-03   22:11:12 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#9. To: Turtle (#8)

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending On where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example- If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged And masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, She tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth... And a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.

farmfriend  posted on  2012-11-04   1:12:48 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


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