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Pious Perverts See other Pious Perverts Articles Title: Benjamin Shapiro, Manly Man! It must be hard being Benjamin Shapiro. Standing in front of a full-length mirror in a jockstrap, making tuff faces, wondering why you're 21 and have twelvish biceps, being puzzled over why the babes don't swoon over your bitchin' violin playing...and then every damned time, without fail, your shriveled pair makes your strap plop down around your ankles. Honestly, what's a boy to do? Dry your eyes, I suppose, gaze with admiration and longing upon your Alexander poster of a buff Brad Pitt, hitch up a pair of tighty-whities (the ones with the special "Frank 'n' Beans" codpiece designed to avoid those embarrassing and sometimes not-so-surreptitious public glances), slip your feet into your penny loafers, and thence to the keyboard, trying hopelessly to get that testosterone level to, well, low-low-low-normal at least. I know that's a hard task, what with the genetically determined wimpification and all, but Benjie does give it the old kindergarten try. Recently he's tried to get the glands to chug out the manly hormones by attacking Pat Buchanan in an execrable column he wrote at the even more execrable WorldNetDaily, a site that used to be pretty good, until publisher Joseph Farah looked down one day and noticed his pair had shriveled up on him, too. I don't agree with everything Pat Buchanan writes, but I do know he is an honorable man. Shapiro is neither honorable, nor a man. What he is, then? He's...wait a minute...what's that sound I hear? Oh, yeah, there it is: "Buk, buk, buk." That's the squawk of the Chickenhawk, that species that will not fight under any circumstances but instead stands on the sidelines yelling, "Throw the ball there. Okay, now throw it over here." Benjie's one of those doing the yelling. He's also one of those who will never, ever get onto the field and into the game. That's what having a shriveled pair will do to you, along with shrieking, putting a glass on top of a spider wandering across the kitchen floor, then, with trembling girlish fingers, calling the exterminator. Buchanan, who Benjie thinks is a naughty, naughty boy, caused him go all PMS when Buchanan wrote a column castigating blundering, war-mongering presidents from Wilson to FDR to Truman to Kennedy to Bush. He's also suggested we give foreign aid to Hamas. They are, after all, democratically elected (the only democracy in the Middle East, you know, hee hee). Benjie had a hissy fit over Buchanan's column. What, not invade the Middle East to conquer it for Israel's sake, using as a smokescreen the rationalization of pounding democracy into the wogs, even if you have to rub out truckloads of them? Benjie ignores the wisdom of his betters, such as Jesus and Aesop, both of whom noticed that all tyrants call themselves benefactors. Instead, like every Chickenhawk, Benjie drools for war, as long as his eunuch-smooth complexion is never put at risk. Here are some of the words a palpitating Benjie tapped out about Buchanan: "anti-Semitic...ignorant...anti-Semitic...moral blindness...anti-Semitic...myopic bigotry...anti-Semitic...wisdom and patriotism must be questioned...anti-Semitic...arrogance...anti-Semitic...laughable...anti-Semitic." Ooh, them's fighting words, pardner! Not that Benjie's going to do any fighting, except with his mouth, from behind his computer, from his parents' basement, huddling behind a locked door. Certainly not in Iraq, or Afghanistan...or for his homies in Israel. Let's cut to the chase, here. Shapiro is a Zionist Jew, and a crazed and cowardly one at that. He puts Israel first. Buchanan is an American. He puts America first. It's as simple as that, once you get beyond the farrago of obscuring, hate-filled verbiage that Shapiro spewed. He may pretend he's a patriot, but that's true only if you define patriotism not as the last refuge of a scoundrel, but the first. If you think it isn't that simple, Shapiro once wrote a bizarre column, again for WorldNetDaily, in which he hooted, and hooted loudly, for genocide. Hey, wait a minute once again! Isn't genocide what the Nazis did to some Jews...and some Christians...and some homosexuals...and some Gypsies...and some Masons? Or is there good genocide, and not-so-good genocide? In Benjie-world, in a word, yep! Once you get past Bela Kun Benjie's duplicitous words, what he writes boils down to this: "Kill them. Kill them all, and kill all their kids, too!" He tells us the story of Jewish holiday Purim, in which ancient Jews, during a two-day period, killed "75,000 Jew haters" throughout the Persian Empire, "800 in the capital [sic] city of Shushan alone." Like, brrr! All 75,000 of them were "Jew haters"? Even the infants? (The relevant quote reads, "Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass.") Wow! Even better, Benjie describes this little tiff as "God's hand...revealed though...the actions of men." Neat! I'll say this, though: it doesn't sound like a Kodak moment to me, not when you're skewering some kid on a stick. Still, I must say, it is way-cool that Benjie has personal knowledge of God's hand and who He's smacking with it. Benjie refers to all "Jew haters" as the Biblical "Amalek," and tells us it "refers to a real, physical nation. Jews are enjoined to kill descendants of that nation." Benjie defines a Jew hater as...well, anyone he defines as a Jew hater. To him, Buchanan is a Jew-hater, ergo, he is an Amalekite, ergo, he should be killed. And his kids, too! Hey, ain't it a hate crime to say such things? Or even to think them? You know -- like the Thoughtcrimers who point out only about a million-and-a-half Jews died in "the Holocaust," not six million? If you want to do an interesting thought-experiment with Benjie's piece, replace "Jew" with "Nazi" and "anti-Semite" with Jew. You'll find that Benjie's twisted soul is no different than the most goose-stepping of Nazi's. At least the Nazis had nifty uniforms, ones I suspect Benjie pines for in a quasi-homoerotic kind of way. (By the way, the by-his-own-admission-virginal Talibenjie wrote a book about the evil of pornography, most ironic indeed since Jews dominate the industry both as performers and producers. Basment-dweller underahieverus is so obsessed with porn I suspect he spends a lot of time downstairs exercising his wrist, and I don't mean typing.) The fact he's never had any puddy (if indeed he really is interested in it) raises an interesting question: could it be related to his lust for mass murder, as long, of course, as he's the one doing the lusting and other people are doing the mass murdering? If so, then do all virginal violin-playing wimps have obscene fantasies of mass murder, destruction and theft? I wonder what name there is for such a sin? Could it be....Satan?! I wonder what's going to happen to Benjie in the years to come? On the one hand, I suspect he might turn into a more rabid version of Norman "Poddy" Podhoretz, who I'm sure wants to forget a little '60's episode in which he ignored what every mirror told him, put the make on Jackie Kennedy, and then got flicked away like a booger on her finger with the comment, "Mr. Podhoretz, just who do you think you are?" That last comment also applies to Benjie: Just who does he think he is? Obviously, a 21-year-old who's smarter than Buchanan, the Founding Fathers, and the wisdom of the world. Why? Well, just cuz. Just cuz Americans are supposed to expend blood and treasure defending Israel. Just cuz Benjie says so, without exactly coming out and admitting what is really is -- an Israel-firster, as opposed to an America-firster. On the other hand, he might turn into Betty Friedan, who recently gave up the ghost, thereby losing her title as the Ugliest Woman in the World. Betty had a Poddy-moment in her life, too, when her overstuffed suitcase burst at an airport, spilling, ahem, "marital aids" onto the floor. I'm sure she needed them, because I can't imagine who would have -- urp -- done her. At least with his eyes open. Benjie might not go either way. Lookswise, he's a cross between a wimpier version of the necrophilic serial-killer Ted Bundy and the crypto-gay comic-book character, Prince Namor of Atlantis. With that kind of pedigree, and having almost no sense whatsoever in his pointy little inbred head, I suspect he'll crash and burn early, turn into the Zionist version of a bag lady, then spend the rest of his life walking the streets, muttering to himself, "Amalekites...it's their fault...damned Amalekites...shoulda killed their dogs, too." He's a born coward, a bayonetter of the wounded and helpless, a born sadistic torturer of puppies and kitties, and a born wannabe murderer (one with no balls), with a head full of tangled, sputtering, shorted-out brain-wiring, just like Gen. Jack D. Ripper in Dr. Strangelove, who went all a-twitter over imaginary subversives who wanted to "sap and impurify all our precious bodily fluids." For that matter, WorldNetDaily has a lot of brain-sputters, too, for running a genocide-promoting nutcase, one who thinks God gave him the right to kill Pat Buchanan and his kids. And -- most probably -- his dog, too. 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#1. To: Turtle (#0)
Right across the bow! thanks.
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