(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, DC) A new Food and Drug Administration study has detected a questionable strain of genetically-engineered corn in taco shells produced for Taco Bell. “It could cause digestive problems, cramping, spasms, allergic reactions and even night blindness,” Colonel Ben Enoso of the FDA’s Genetic Corn Division told a press conference Monday. “Unfortunately, this makes it pretty hard to distinguish from other Taco Bell food items.”
The corn, which carries a gene designed to kill insect pests if eaten, has been approved as feed for animals but not humans. Scientists suspect the human body will not be able to digest a key protein in this killer corn and privately dread having to dig around for undigested corn samples afterwards.
Anti-GMO activists see this as part of a plan to sneak genetically-engineered foods into the global digestive system.
“They’re pushing this monster maize down our throats,” Barry Aguitado, spokesman for the Tortilla Liberation Front told PNS, “so corporations can control the world food supply. Then, with their Monsanto Protection Act, they’ll have us by the niblets.”
Another group, Children of the Corn, recently destroyed genetically-engineered crops in greenhouses at UCSD. “They were developing a strain of hominy that will be ineffective against the cruda,” said Han Gober, a member of the group, adding, “we had to stop them in the name of all that is holy.”
Aguitado and others accuse multinational corporations of putting profits before public health when it comes to introducing genetically-engineered foods into the human diet.
Prof. Gene Fregadera of Buscalana Laboratories disagrees. “We test all our products thoroughly on Angry Birds. They fly through the air with the greatest of ease.”
But critics are not convinced and remain mistrustful of the unseen hand of science. The FDA report follows a recent discovery in Battle Creek, MI of a seven-ton production run of Cheerios made with pet-food-grade oats — oats genetically engineered to teach dogs to play poker.
“Corporations need to stop playing with our food and keep their hands out of our genes,” Peter E. Dische, author of the groundbreaking book Our Bodies, Our Cells, wrote in a column for the Huffington Post.
“The use of genetic engineering, growth hormones and improper megafarm techniques have also created such public health disasters as Mad Cow Disease and new poultry epidemics such as Daffy Duck Disorder and the Silly Goose Syndrome.”
But how did a potentially dangerous corn strain ended up in something as basic as taco shells? Increasingly, GMO food incidents are forcing corporations like Monsanto and Taco Bell to defend their products.
At a hastily-called press conference after the release of the FDA report, a Taco Bell spokesman went on the offensive:
Taco Bell food products are perfectly safe. I’ve eaten lots of genetically engineered food, and I’m just fine. Sure, I’m a Chihuahua, and I have acquired the power of speech, but what poker-playing dog hasn’t?