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Health See other Health Articles Title: Colorful diseases Names of common diseases are infinitely more interesting when they are combined with a colour. Schoolteachers seemed much more impressed when, rather than a simple case of measles, my sick note described me as “suffering from the black measles of death”. Hemorrhoids were much more dramatic as the “purple grapes of wrath” and chicken pox became the “raging redneck rooster virus.” Some actual medical conditions with names borrowed from spectral splendor include: Greenstick fracture – The classic fracture of kids wherein the bone, not yet hard and brittle, tends to buckle more than snap outright. The resulting “greenstick” fracture is much like breaking a green branch. As I recall, this term was first introduced to me by my mother who threw in an extra colour with, “You better never do that again or I’ll fracture this here green stick over your bonnie blue butt.” Mongolian Blue Spot - Speaking of mothers and blue, one woman in my practice is quite skittish about taking her son to the emergency room. Because he has Mongolian blue spots, a congenital deep dark pigment change of the skin that resembles bruising, she is constantly being eyed suspiciously by ER doctors concerned about child abuse. Since she began carrying a note from me stating that Junior has this condition, her nine-hour emergency room investigations have been reduced to the usual eight-hour wait. Whiteheads – An emergency medical condition when found to suddenly emerge Friday night on the forehead of any 16-year-old. May go hand in hand with the dreaded… Blackheads – Which by the way would be yet another great name for cigarettes. In the ongoing battle with school kids who smoke in order to be rebellious and unique, like all the other kids, smoking may start to lose its lustre to if they have to ask, “Hey dude, can you spare a Blackhead? Heck looks like you’ve got a whole pack.” Gangrene – Okay, close enough for my speling. When an extremity has been invaded by bacteria and the blood supply is choked off, the limb begins to putrefy. This often requires amputation and the limb is sent off to the same silo where the taxman stores our arms and legs. Scarlett fever – A diffuse red rash associated with Strep throat, but frankly my dear you don’t need to give a damn as the severity of this once very nasty variation of Strep throat has lessened significantly over the years. Cherry and strawberry hemangiomas – Though perhaps these should be classified with Lyme disease under medical fruit conditions, these are common and benign lesions. The strawberry mark appears shortly after birth as a raised red spot that usually fades away by adolescence. The cherry hemangiomas are benign blood-red bleebies also known as Morgan spots that appear in the older population, so if you’ve got ‘em…you’re older. Pink eye – A common term for conjunctivitis, pink eye is an infection of the outer lining of the eyeball and eyelids. Though usually caused by a virus it can also have a bacterial origin, which responds best to warm compresses and antibiotic drops. This highly contagious schoolyard illness is not to be confused with red eye as in, “I caught the red eye from New York but I caught pink eye from Billy Bloggins.” Yellow fever – A mosquito-borne virus stemming from the steamy jungles of Africa and South America. The virus attacks the liver, creating a yellow jaundice. A more common strain of “yellow” fever is found in any team having to play the big bad Bruins. I could go on but I’m getting a cramp in my hand and a spasm in my brain, another case of… fuschia writer’s block. Poster Comment: CALL IN RADIO SHOW! Phone in your questions 1.877.399.9898 Listen to us live on national radio stations. Any Sunday afternoon at 2:00PM Pacific Time, tune into Canada’s Corus Entertainment Radio Network including: AM640 - Toronto, Ontario www.640toronto.com CKNW – Vancouver, British Columbia www.cknw.com CFAX – Victoria, British Columbia www.cfax1070.com CHNL – Kamloops, British Columbia www.radionl.com AM1150 – Kelowna, British Columbia www.am1150.ca CHQR – Calgary, Alberta www.qr77.com CHED – Edmonton, Alberta www.630ched.com CKOM – Saskatoon, Saskatchewan www.newstalk650.com CJME – Regina, Saskatchewan www.newstalk980.com CJOB – Winnipeg, Manitoba www.cjob.com CFPL – London, Ontario www.am980.ca If you missed the show you can now download podcasts at: http://www.cknw.com/podcasts.as NOTE: some stations carry as delayed broadcast; some broadcasts deal with listeners questions so if you're not within live broadcast range but have a medical question you might try calling in "blind" after the show begins. Post Comment Private Reply Ignore Thread
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