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Title: Daily humor
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Published: Aug 31, 2013
Author: unknown
Post Date: 2013-08-31 19:36:20 by F.A. Hayek Fan
Keywords: None
Views: 664
Comments: 22
Mexican and black jokes are pretty much the same. Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal
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#5. To: F.A. Hayek Fan (#0)
A six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her grandpa. When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her grandpa’s room. “Grandpa, Grandpa,” she says excitedly, “as soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!” “What?” asked her grandpa. “Make a noise like a frog, because my mom said that as soon as you croak, we’re all going to Disney World!”
An old man is sitting on his porch widling on some wood and he sees see a boy of about 12-13 walking by his house carrying something white and grey about 12 feet behind him "Hey son what ya carrying behind you there" he asks "duck tape" the boy replied "Well that sure is a long piece of duck tape what are you possibly going to use all that duck tape for" he ask. "Why im going to go catch me a bunch of ducks" he says. The old man starts laughing and says "boy you arent to bright are you? Dont you know you cant catch ducks with duck tape? I aint heard such foolishiness in all my years on earth." as the boy walked on down the road the old man went back to widdling concerned for the future of the nation. 30 minutes later the same boy comes walking back on the same path right in front of the old mans house carrying the same strip of duck tape with 24 ducks stuck to it quacking to beat the band. The very next day the old man is again sitting on his front porch widdling and sees the same boy walk past carrying 20 feet of screen behind him "Hey boy what do you got this time?" he asks "I got me a lenght of chickenwire from my old mans basement." "Well what ya you going to do with all that chicken wire anyway?" "I'm going on down the road to catch me some chickens of course." "Tarnations son you must be touched in the head! Everyone with a lick of sence knows you cant catch no chickens with chicken wire. How do your parents let you out of the house to roam alone in intelegent society with a clear concience anyway." with tht he goes back to widdling and mumbling to himself about the higher caliber of youth when he was the boys age. 30 minutes later the boy comes back past the old mans house with the chicken wire and 40 chickens caught in it trying desperatly to get away but to no avail. The third day comes along and the old man is sitting on his porch widdling away and he sees the same boy walking past his house with about 30 plants trailing behind him. "Hey boy want do you got there this time?" "pussywillow." "sakes alive! Hang on a minute son let me go get my coat."
Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking... Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people. "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did. "Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did. "Now we eat everybody." And they did. When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?" His wise father replied, "Because they taste better if you scare the shit out of them first!"
#12. To: X-15 (#11)
A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light. An old man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?" The doctor replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!" "That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?" "Because this car can do up to 250 miles an hour!" states the doctor proudly. The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?" "No problem," replies the doctor. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right... but I'll stick with my Moped!" Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 150 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly. WHHHOOOOOOSSSSSHHH! Something whips by him going much faster. "What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari" the doctor asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 175 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped! Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 210 mph. WHOOOOOOOSHHHHH! He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN! Astounded by the speed of his old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 250 mph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do! Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive. He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh My Gosh! Is there anything I can do for you?" The old man whispers, "Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror."
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#7. To: farmfriend (#5)
#9. To: X-15 (#7)
#11. To: farmfriend (#9)
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