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Title: TIPS FROM THE REDNECK BOOK OF MANNERS
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Published: Nov 18, 2013
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Post Date: 2013-11-18 20:42:13 by farmfriend
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1. Never take a beer to a job interview. DINING OUT 1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label. ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. PERSONAL HYGIENE 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys. DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY) 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date. WEDDINGS 1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift. DRIVING ETIQUETTE 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight. TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER: 1. All the DNA is the same.TIPS FROM THE REDNECK BOOK OF MANNERS
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the restroom wall two years ago.'
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, 'Ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat gal.'
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance..
4. Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
2. There are no dental records
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#1. To: farmfriend, Turtle (#0)
Fixed. :) TIPS FROM THE *TURTLE* BOOK OF MANNERS
-Alex Kurtagic
#2. To: farmfriend (#0)
Yeah, I sure forgot that one, once........ "2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them."
"If we don’t adhere to the Constitution on matters as significant as presidential eligibility, then the Constitution ceases to be a meaningful document for guiding our nation."
#3. To: X-15 (#1)
I do use my keys to clean my ears. Sometimes, my head starts, and sometimes I just backfire.
"Have Brain, Will Travel
#4. To: Turtle (#3)
Crack a window, then light a match. -REDNECK PRO-TIP ...and sometimes I just backfire.
-Alex Kurtagic
#5. To: farmfriend (#0)
This one's really low! If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
#6. To: farmfriend (#0)
Sure glad you posted this so I will know how to act. >(;^{]
Americans who have no experience with, or knowledge of, tyranny believe that only terrorists will experience the unchecked power of the state. They will believe this until it happens to them, or their children, or their friends.
Paul Craig Roberts
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