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Title: Jokes - beware
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Published: Dec 11, 2013
Author: .
Post Date: 2013-12-11 18:38:45 by Lod
Keywords: None
Views: 533
Comments: 12
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair; but, by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 25, and her name's Kathy. Went to our local bar with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary. My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's three schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether." The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries. A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says, "The sex is about the same, but the dirty clothes are piling up!" The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.
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#1. To: Lod (#0)
LOL! Good ones.
Paul Craig Roberts
I want to go the way my father did - peacefully, in his sleep, and not screaming in terror like his passengers.
"Have Brain, Will Travel
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?" corruptissima re publica plurimae leges - Tacitus
Both classic additions - thanks!
“The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out... without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane, intolerable.” ~ H. L. Mencken
A boss said to his secretary I want to have sex with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done.Americans who have no experience with, or knowledge of, tyranny believe that only terrorists will experience the unchecked power of the state. They will believe this until it happens to them, or their children, or their friends.
#2. To: Lod, *Humor-Weird News* (#0)
#3. To: Lod (#0)
#4. To: Lod (#0)
#5. To: Turtle, Dakmar (#3)
#6. To: Lod (#0)
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast so he wont have enough time to undress himself."
So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call his girlfriend, he asks "what happened?"
She responds, "The bastard used coins. I'm still picking and he is still fucking!"
Anyone offended by this post, click here.
 | "The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion." -Albert Camus. |
#7. To: Armadillo (#6)
The visual is too funny - thanks.
“The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out... without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane, intolerable.” ~ H. L. Mencken
#8. To: Lod (#0) (Edited)
"Old man, have you lived here all your life?" "Well, not yet."
~~~~~~~~
Dollar DVD Project Liberty needs patriot activists
to help wake the town and tell the people. Do your
friends and family know what you know?
#9. To: Lod (#0) (Edited)
"The good Lord has sure provided for you, old man. You have a huge, fenced in yard and lovely rock home, a deep well, a fruit orchard, grape vines and an outstanding year-round garden. Thank the good Lord." "Oh really. The Good Lord you say. Well… you should have seen the place when He had it all to Himself."
~~~~~~~~
Dollar DVD Project Liberty needs patriot activists
to help wake the town and tell the people. Do your
friends and family know what you know?
#10. To: wakeup (#9)
A woman went to her doctor for advice....she told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea. The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?" She said that she did. He asked, "Does it hurt you?" She said no. The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant." The woman was mystified. She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal sex?" The Doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think democrats come from? :)
>-Alex Kurtagic
#11. To: Lod (#0)
A man walks into a bar, pulls up a chair, and orders a drink. Out of the corner of his eye he sees someone staring at him. He turns and sees a beautiful blond looking at him. He looks behind him to see if she is looking at someone else. When he looks back at her she is giving the 'eye' and beckoning him to come over. So he goes over and sits down at her table. She says "Frank don't you remember me." No he says. Then she says we shared a room at U of Colorado, we used to piss out the window on people walking by. Bill, what happened, you sure fooled me he said. I had a 'sex change' last year and was that painful. I guess when they cut those organs off and made the change it was pretty awful? "No" she said, "that wasn't bad at all". "What do you mean?" he said "what could be worse than that?" "Well I'll tell you. The worst thing was when they stuck that needle in my head and sucked out half my brain".
#12. To: X-15 (#10)
The one I heard was, "Where do you think lawyers come from?" The Doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think democrats come from?
"Have Brain, Will Travel
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