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Dear Horse, which one of your posts has the Deep State so spun up that's causing 4um to run slow?

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MAKE EDUCATION GREAT AGAIN!!

They will burn it with a "Peresvet" or shoot it down with a "hypersound"


4play
See other 4play Articles

Title: Did I read that sign right?
Source: [None]
URL Source: [None]
Published: Dec 20, 2013
Author: .
Post Date: 2013-12-20 00:22:24 by farmfriend
Ping List: *Humor-Weird News*     Subscribe to *Humor-Weird News*
Keywords: None
Views: 490
Comments: 14

Did I read that sign right?

some of these are old but still funny!

“TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW”
They really mean it?

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
(I sure hope so)
ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Really? Ya think

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!

War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain;Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?

Man Struck By Lightning:Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right? Subscribe to *Humor-Weird News*

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Begin Trace Mode for Comment # 10.

#3. To: farmfriend, JD, 4 (#0)

100MPH Goat -

Two Montana rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground.

They approach it and are amazed at the size of it.

The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is!"

The second hunter says," I don't know. Let's throw somethin' down there, Listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."

The first hunter says, "Hey, there's an old automobile transmission over There. Give me a hand, we'll throw it in and see."

So they pick it up and carry it over and count one, two, three and heave it in the hole. They are standing there listening, looking over the edge, when they hear a rustling behind them. As they turn around, they see a goat Come crashing through the underbrush, run up to the hole and, without hesitation, jump in head first.

While they are standing there staring at each other in amazement, peering Into the hole, trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer saunters up.

"Say there," says the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"

The first hunter says, "Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' bout a hunnert Miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this here hole!"

The old farmer said, "Naw, that's impossible! I had him chained to a transmission."

Lod  posted on  2013-12-20   9:31:07 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#5. To: Lod (#3)

Good one. Thanks for the laugh.

James Deffenbach  posted on  2013-12-20   11:56:39 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#6. To: James Deffenbach, farmfriend, 4 (#5)

Yeah - I didn't see that coming at all.

Lod  posted on  2013-12-20   12:17:50 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#10. To: Lod, *Humor-Weird News* (#6)

Three old ladies named Penelope, Maude and Gladys were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park.

The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.

Penelope immediately had a stroke.

Then Maude also had a stroke.

But Gladys, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.

farmfriend  posted on  2013-12-20   23:01:33 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


Replies to Comment # 10.

#12. To: farmfriend (#10)

Damn, Gladys, take your glucosamine, girl!

Make your stroke felt.

Lod  posted on  2013-12-20 23:14:31 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


End Trace Mode for Comment # 10.

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