John “The Pervert” Pistole has resigned as Chief Deviant at the TSA, effective Dec. 31. His conscious did not awaken, nor did the screams of his gate-raped victims penetrate his cushy office, prompting a re-evaluation of a life devoted to wickedness (prior to tormenting travelers at the TSA, he “[spent] 26 years with the FBI, where he rose to deputy director“) and fear of his destination in the hereafter. No, “leaders of Anderson University contacted him, Pistole said,” and “it felt like God calling.”
Whoa. Those “leaders” must have some voice.
Like you, I’d never heard of Anderson before its deific board decided that a guy who ordered his goons to grope passengers until they “meet resistance” ought to be just the ticket for co-eds. The place claims to be “a Christian college” in Indiana; we can judge how many Christian values it instills by the fact that Perv “and his family have long ties” with it.
“I’m looking forward to some exciting things in this next chapter,” Perv told USAToday in one of the puffball interviews this sorry excuse for a newspaper periodically grants him. Were I a student at Anderson, or worse, a parent of said student, I’d be mighty interested in what a president whose policies cover folks in their own urine deems “exciting.” “My job is to be obedient and leave the results to Him.”
Hmmm. Yo, Perv: those “results” you previously “left to Him” include traumatized toddlers and strip-searched grandmothers. If you’ll permit a hostile amendment, I’d say we oughta credit Leviathan and its Satanic master rather than the Lord with such outcomes.
Intriguing that USAToday, which has never been known for its friendliness to either the Lord or Scripture, nonetheless prattles at some length about Perv’s “Christianity”; I will bet this is the longest exegesis on “Christianity” in the paper’s history:
Pistole said he returns to Anderson University with a sense of God’s calling after being given a second chance in his youth.
Despite being raised in a Christian home and being baptized at 12, the ramrod- straight administrator said he started behaving badly as a teenager. When he was a senior in high school, he broke his neck in a car crash.
“The accident was a wake-up call for me,” Pistole said. “I really had a sense of God saying, ‘John, don’t you know how richly I’ve blessed you — physically, spiritually?'”
Got it? “Christians” recover from disasters to sexually assault and molest people while photographing them naked with porno-scanners — despite the Bible’s clear prohibitions against predation and its constant calls to purity.
It’s a toss-up here who’s better promoted the police-state while simultaneously smearing Christianity: Perv or USAToday.