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Title: Southeron Humor
Source: [None]
URL Source: [None]
Published: Dec 21, 2014
Author: Crackers
Post Date: 2014-12-21 10:40:23 by Lod
Keywords: None
Views: 313
Comments: 8

Florida

Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding - a reason I've never before heard - I'll let you go.."

The old gentleman paused then said, "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.

Georgia

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."

Louisiana

A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying, "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ."

When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."

Mississippi

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"

Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"

The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

North Carolina

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of red flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, "I got me a flat tahr."

The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"

The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put red flahres in the front and red flahres in the back. I never did understand it neither."

Tennessee

A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"

The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

Texas

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."

"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.'"

Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South, but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North.

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#1. To: Lod (#0)

Southeron Humor

WTF?

Fred Mertz  posted on  2014-12-21   10:50:10 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#2. To: Lod (#0)

Those were good, thanks for posting them.

Americans who have no experience with, or knowledge of, tyranny believe that only terrorists will experience the unchecked power of the state. They will believe this until it happens to them, or their children, or their friends. Paul Craig Roberts

"When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men living together in society, they create for themselves in the course of time a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that glorifies it." Frederic Bastiat

James Deffenbach  posted on  2014-12-21   11:41:39 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#3. To: Lod (#0)

Very good.


When government gains the power to control the use of private property, it becomes possible for the politically dominant to profit by high commodity prices using government regulation to constrain supply. One merely drives competitors out of business by manipulating the perception of risk to a land use preferred by a democratic majority. - Mark Edward Vande Pol

farmfriend  posted on  2014-12-21   12:20:12 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#4. To: James Deffenbach (#2)

I stole/copied the first one and personalized it with my buddy's name and state of Virginia. Then I sent it out to a few friends. I try not to do spam, only when it feels right.

Buddy has one of those old Mercedes rag tops in his garage - 356 maybe.

Fred Mertz  posted on  2014-12-21   12:27:19 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#5. To: Fred Mertz (#4)

something like this cutie?

classiccars.com/listings/...ta-mesa-california-92627#

“The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out... without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane, intolerable.” ~ H. L. Mencken

Lod  posted on  2014-12-21   12:45:06 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#6. To: Fred Mertz (#4)

Buddy has one of those old Mercedes rag tops in his garage - 356 maybe.

They're good looking cars.

Americans who have no experience with, or knowledge of, tyranny believe that only terrorists will experience the unchecked power of the state. They will believe this until it happens to them, or their children, or their friends. Paul Craig Roberts

"When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men living together in society, they create for themselves in the course of time a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that glorifies it." Frederic Bastiat

James Deffenbach  posted on  2014-12-21   12:55:14 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#7. To: Lod, James Deffenbach (#5)

His is red. He bought it in South America (Brazil, I think), had it worked on California, now it's sitting in his garage in Virginia.

It's worth a few bucks, not sure it is worth the 25 year journey. But, hey, it's his baby.

Fred Mertz  posted on  2014-12-21   13:44:56 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#8. To: Fred Mertz (#7)

They're called "bathtub" Porsches, for obvious reason.

Very collectible.

I'm past that stage, I now want new with warranty and no worries. :-)

But I do appreciate the olde and classic designs that will never die.

“The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out... without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane, intolerable.” ~ H. L. Mencken

Lod  posted on  2014-12-21   13:52:34 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


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